Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people get so outraged by other's choices?

189 replies

Mooncupflowethover · 03/04/2010 21:50

Talking mainly about elective caesareans/vaginal births here.

Why do people care SO much about what choice a woman makes regarding how she gives birth. I have read so many heated discussions on MN about this. Why do people get so aerated about it?

As far as I'm concerned, someone wants a VB, fine. Someone wants an ELC, fine. Why are so many people bothered about how someone else gives birth?? I'd understand if they were talking about their own birth choices!!

Anyway, that's my thought for the day

I doubt I'm BU!

OP posts:
tethersend · 03/04/2010 22:37

I do believe that it is a random lottery, thisisyesterday.

I just didn't say so.

Of course, this is a theory that can never be proved or disproved, so is a moot point.

Lite · 03/04/2010 22:39

The hard part is when you're armed with information - and you're still terrified of both VB and CS! I see the downside, and the upside of both.

However, when it comes down to it, at the end of the day..(and all those other annoying sayings) - we cannot argue with nature. I think any pediatrician would be hard-pushed (forgive the pun) to recommend a CS over a VB, in a healthy pregnancy and labour.

However, when a woman opts for ELCS - its only her body that is being butchered - so do we care, and should she be judged for it?

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:39

ooh do they? i never knew that! what about the placenta? do they wait until it's "ready" after giving the injection to remove it? how do they know it's ready to come out?

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 03/04/2010 22:39

Can we just debate my (very astute ) point about how the risks of VBs don't seem to be discussed at all with pregnant women?

I mean, when I went into having a vaginal birth my m/w and my antenatal teacher both barely touched on the risks of VB's.

I've got a cousin who ended up with a womb prolapse and a hysterectomy after a ventouse delivery.

I had a forceps delivery without being informed of the risks or giving consent and still live with the botched episiotomy.

Yet I never see people clamouring to give people an informed choice when it comes to vaginal birth. Just the ELCS seem to bring that out in people.

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:41

i think we're allowed to care.. if only from the point of it being more risky for her. but judge? no of course we shouldn't.

muggglewump · 03/04/2010 22:42

Could I just say I have no idea how a CS birth spares you, she said it, not me!

She also said the BF thing-she'd never bf because it might ruin her breasts.

Perhaps I'm the judgemental one, after all, she is free to choose a c section and FF, but I don't accept it as a valid choice for her, and that makes me a judgey judger I guess.

I just thought when you get pg, you give birth and bf, that's just how it is and what you do.
It didn't even cross my mind to not.

CoteDAzur · 03/04/2010 22:42

thisisyesterday - Having read Riven's story, would you not agree that homebirth has its share of "potential risks"?

MillyR · 03/04/2010 22:42

Iam, I have met people who I felt were illinformed/misinformed about vaginal delivery. My comment about informed choices applies to both choices equally.

Monty100 · 03/04/2010 22:42

TIY - was that to me?

They never said anything to me about the placenta tbh, I presume it was all sucked away.

One of the consultants came up to me at the beginning of the first elective and asked me if I'd like to be sterilised while I was there.

I was .

But then I wondered if I should have asked them to suck out some fat while they were there.

Have to have a sense of humour about it.

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 03/04/2010 22:42

Ah, now I couldn't give a monkeys about whether people ff either.

I honestly think if you don't like someone you'll judge them whatever they'll do.

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:43

do they discuss things like that in ante-natal classes?

i never went to any so i don;t know...

i suppose they're worried about scaring people into wanting a c-section which is more expensive for them, and overall, riskier for her?

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:44

cote- yes of course there are potential risks. there are many potential risks of hospital births too...

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:45

monty- it was to anyone who might know! lol

did they have reason to think you might want to be sterilised??? i would have been angry too!

TheCrackFox · 03/04/2010 22:45

iamwhatiamwhatiam I completely agree with you. The risks to a mother having a forceps/ventouse delivery is IMO completely glossed over. It is a disgrace.

12 hrs after having DS2 the Consultant visited me in bed and informed me that is had been a difficult delivery and that had associated risks to damaging my bladder. First I had heard.

Having an episiotomy is very difficult to recover from - it took me a good 6-9 months for the throbbing pain to go. I now count myself as one of the lucky ones after reading some of the posts on Mumsnet regarding bladder and bowel damage.

lucky1979 · 03/04/2010 22:46

MillyR - The locia came out naturally as it does with vaginal birth. I had some vague worry that they might scoot round there with the surgical equivilant of a vacuum cleaner before sewing me up but all seemed to come out fine.

mugglewump - I understand feeling that someone isn't doing the best thing for their child by not breast feeding (although I don't feel the same, and I am still breastfeeding my 5 month old DD), but I really don't get WHY you are outraged by how someone chose to deliver their baby. What difference does it make to the baby?

omnishambles - are those statistics which distinguish between ELCS and CS though? And also would they be adjusted for the reasons that people have ELCS? If you start off as a high risk pregnancy then you are more likely to have problems at delivery however said delivery happens, so might produce a skewed result

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 03/04/2010 22:46

See, I really like the csection.org website.

Because it's very balanced and presents the risks of CS and the risks of VB.

I do think the risks of VB are underplayed, but obviously I can only talk from my own personal experience. Certainly in my a/n classes ventouse and forceps were really downplayed - referred to as a sink plunger and salad tongs.

I nearly fainted when they took the forceps out of the cupboard.

A little bit of warning that the 'little cut' they administer would actually involved being cut from front to back with what looked like a pair of dressmakers scissors would have been nice too - that is a risk of a VB. A very real one.

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:46

i am not entirely sure what you're getting at cote... i have never said there aren't risks of having a vaginal birth, either at home or in hospital.

i was just commenting on WHY i think people may give their opinions on c-sections in particular.

blueshoes · 03/04/2010 22:48

It does not trouble me what birth choices people make.

But if someone tries to scaremonger by painting a cs as a Risky option or Something to be Avoided and only as a Last Resort, then I feel obliged to share my positive cs experiences to set the record straight.

TheCrackFox · 03/04/2010 22:49

"A little bit of warning that the 'little cut' they administer would actually involved being cut from front to back with what looked like a pair of dressmakers scissors would have been nice too - that is a risk of a VB. A very real one."

Yes, and a good tip would be to ask them to put the radio on as it doesn't sound to great either.

blueshoes · 03/04/2010 22:49

Totally agree with iamwhat about the risks of VB and instrumental deliveries being understated and even hidden.

wukter · 03/04/2010 22:49

So, ladies, consensus - it's not easy no matter how you do it.

Monty100 · 03/04/2010 22:49

TIY - no, they had no reason whatsoever to ask. It was my second child.

I know I'm having a joke about it but I was actually quite upset. The only words I could come out with were 'I'm Catholic', not that that has anything to do with it, I was fuming for some poor woman who might just agree........... well, for loads of reasons as I'm sure you'll understand.

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:50

urgh @ the sound of an episiotomy.

i was allowed to tear naturally when I had ventouse delivery with ds1. is that usual or would you expect to be given an episiotomy?

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 03/04/2010 22:50

Yep, wukter is right.

And we should all support each other, we're all part of the same sisterhood right?

Amen.

MillyMollyMoo · 03/04/2010 22:50

If we all sat down and thought about the risks and long term damage I'm sure nobody would actually ever get pregnant in the first place.
We should care about other peoples choices though on the basis that a lot of the time they aren't informed choices, there's plenty I would have done differently with DC1 and DC2s births. I did make poor choices but didn't know any different and my mum given her way would still say they were the right decisions even though I know they weren't.

Swipe left for the next trending thread