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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why people get so outraged by other's choices?

189 replies

Mooncupflowethover · 03/04/2010 21:50

Talking mainly about elective caesareans/vaginal births here.

Why do people care SO much about what choice a woman makes regarding how she gives birth. I have read so many heated discussions on MN about this. Why do people get so aerated about it?

As far as I'm concerned, someone wants a VB, fine. Someone wants an ELC, fine. Why are so many people bothered about how someone else gives birth?? I'd understand if they were talking about their own birth choices!!

Anyway, that's my thought for the day

I doubt I'm BU!

OP posts:
iamwhatiamwhatiam · 03/04/2010 22:18

Given that an ELCS has to be performed by a consultant I think most people who have them are made aware of the risks by that consultant.

I'm more bothered by the fact that the risks of vaginal deliveries aren't explained at m/w apps and are often brushed over at antenatal classes.

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:18

cote, I have read Riven's story thank you!

i'm not suggesting that people who choose an ELCS are wrong or bad or anything like that, just trying to explain maybe why (other) people feel the need to comment!

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:20

no offence taken iamwhatiamwhatiam!!

I try and only be evangelical about it on threads where people have specifically asked for opinions on it!!

tethersend · 03/04/2010 22:20

I didn't state that it was a random lottery, thisisyesterday.

I hypothesised that one of the reasons there was so much disagreement was because people don't want to believe it's a random lottery.

You've proved my point quite nicely though

onepieceoflollipop · 03/04/2010 22:21

I had two hospital births, completely by choice.

I tend to keep my mouth shut when other people talk about how (in their opinion) homebirth is the only way.

I usually have a roll of sellotape in my handbag (for my mouth!) when I attend our local NCT meetings. The ladies are all lovely, but rather one sided in some of their opinions.

If this doesn't sound horrid, I'm not really interested in how other women gave birth. Sorry, but I'm not.

MillyR · 03/04/2010 22:21

I think that we all ought to be supporting women's choices, but we ought to comment if those choices don't seem to be informed. This is particularly true if someone is making comments about birth that are untrue and many other people will read them. Those comments then should be challenged.

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:22

i was thinking more along the lines of thos threads where people are newly pregnant or whatever and haven't been booked for a c-section yet, but are just thinking of how/where to give birth.
and in those circumstances I think people do tend to jump in and just say well, y'know a c-section isn't necessarily easier, it's major surgery.

I'd like to think that on the whole we can provide enough pros and cons of all possible ways of giving birth on here to help those who are thinking about it choose what they'd like to do (even if it doesn't end up as planned)

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:23

Add message | Report | Contact poster By tethersend Sat 03-Apr-10 22:08:43
I think it's because people like to think that their own positive birth experience was a consequence of their actions and not a random lottery..

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 03/04/2010 22:25

Is it really that easy to get an ELCS that the only thing standing between a first time mum and her section is a load of MNers then?

I really didn't think it was but happpy to be shown the error of my ways.

tethersend · 03/04/2010 22:25

Read my post again, thisisyesterday... I am putting forward a hypothesis as to why people argue about birthing choices.

It does not state that 'it is a random lottery'

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:27

ok well to me it sounds like you were saying

people believe (wrongly) that their positive birth is a consequence of their actions, when in fact, it is a random lottery.

lucky1979 · 03/04/2010 22:27

I had an ELCS, it was ace. Can't personally understand why people would got through a natural birth if they had the choice.

I do understand that people do though, and am totally and utterly supportive of them if thats what they want to do.

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:28

you then argue that you never said it was a random lottery, merely that people don't want to believe it is.

which implies that you DO believe it is

muggglewump · 03/04/2010 22:28

I dunno about outraged, but the only woman I know who chose CS birth, really did so to spare her figure, and that's why she didn't bf too. She thought her breasts may sag so FF from day one, she freely said this.

Sure, I was outraged, I don't get it at all but I suppose she is still a great Mum and loves her son, but I still don't like, or really accept her choice, but I have to accept it was her choice.

Do I think I'm a better mother? If I'm honest, yes.
I was prepared to go through vaginal birth and did, and BF because it's the best thing, the normal thing, it's what you do.

She has more money, a better house, perhaps could choose Indy school, but I still think I am the better mother.
I was prepared to give up my body for DD.

Doodleydoo · 03/04/2010 22:29

Love hearing other birth stories, and am so jealous of my bf who had a lovely clean birth and popped out the most gorgeous dc. would have loved that for myself.

Having had a emergency section - homebirth now out but would like to have a crack at vbac then I can really be the font of knowledge!

However - get this for getting my goat - my SIL had a small tear first degree tear with her birth, I had emcs after 48 hrs labour. According to my MIL SIL had it worse and I wouldn't know how crappy it was as nothing happened "down there". Urghh no I had major surgery, was in hospital for 3 days and in bed for another couple at home and unable to be independent for a while (too many stairs in the house) whilst sil stopped in tesco's on the way home from hospital 12 hours after giving birth. Strange that someone thinks major surgery (not of choice) would be better than a natural birth...... is that just me?

MillyR · 03/04/2010 22:30

I thought Tethersend's statement was very clear. I don't know why its meaning is being debated.

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 03/04/2010 22:31

How does c-s spare your figure then?

Not being sarky, am genuinely

omnishambles · 03/04/2010 22:32

Lucky - thats really great and am glad you and lots of other people had a great experience - some of us know the flip side of cs though and have to sit on our hands not to go on about it all the time.

People think that bad things dont happen to them and mostly I like to think that they dont but statistically it is much more dangerous to have a cs than a vaginal birth.

[hides thread]

MillyR · 03/04/2010 22:33

Can I ask a question of complete ignorance?

If you don't have a vaginal delivery, how does all the stuff come out afterwards, all of the womb lining? Can it get out through a cervix that hasn't opened or do they scoop it out with the baby somehow?

thisisyesterday · 03/04/2010 22:33

doodley, clearly an intact fanjo is far more important to your MIL!!

TheCrackFox · 03/04/2010 22:34

It didn't spare my figure - bloody ruined my stomach muscles.

I really don't think there are any NHS hospitals doing ELCs without a damned good reason. Or am i being hopelessly naive?

TBH I don't give a toss how someone had their baby, so long as baby is OK and mum is OK (and I mean physically and emotionally).

Monty100 · 03/04/2010 22:35

iam - it doesn't. I have scars and a 'ledge' that hangs over the scar/s to prove it.

Have had 3 cs's. First an emergency, 2nd elective (stayed awake), 3rd elective (didn't stay awake).

Recovery takes time.

iamwhatiamwhatiam · 03/04/2010 22:35

Those of us who had crap VB's have to sit on our hands too omni! Especially when everyone goes on about how the pain ends as soon as you hold your baby.

Not with a fanjo-ful of sticthes it doesn't.

Monty100 · 03/04/2010 22:36

Milly, they suck it out. I heard them doing it. lol

TheCrackFox · 03/04/2010 22:37

I have had a CS and an VB and both can be hard to recover from. TBh I found it far easier recovering from CS than a very difficult forceps delivery.

Doodley, perhaps your MIL had a lot of problems recovering from giving birth? No doubt she gave birth in the days when any first time mum was given a mandatory episiotomy and has a lot of mental and physical problems resulting from that.

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