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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

People who have children should want to be with them

109 replies

LadyEarth · 31/03/2010 10:47

Like any Mum I have my own personal preferences about how we should raise our children but I try not to impose those on other parents on the basis that we all find a different balance between keeping ourselves healthy and happy and doing the same for our children.(I know that comes across as hideously sanctimonious... maybe I am...) . What I loathe is selfish DINKY's who refuse to sacrifice any of their hedonistic lifestyle for the sake of their child. I am currently bombarded on facebook by one such parent whose baby is only weeks old. Each post revels in yet another night out, or 14 hours sleep (with earplugs). Baby is left with friends, grandparents or neighbours. Don't get me wrong, it's good for parents to check into their support networks and get some down time but it is also important for babies to have security and a primary care giver. A parent who views their child as a burden even with all this "me-time" won't be giving the child the important emotional regulation it needs, and if you dislike being around babies so much, get a dog!

OP posts:
Lionstar · 31/03/2010 10:49

YABU. None of your business. Just un-friend her from Facebook, job done.

Wordsonascreen · 31/03/2010 10:50

Oh calm down and have a

MitchyInge · 31/03/2010 10:50

doesn't DINKY mean double income No Kids Yet?

Jackstini · 31/03/2010 10:51

Firstly DINKy stands for Dual Income No Kids so would not be the right term.
YABU - not your life or your child, unless you are with them 24/7 you don't actually know the full story. They might spend other quality time with their baby.

Tee2072 · 31/03/2010 10:51

Yes, that's what DINKY means.

And YABU. Unfriend them. Move on.

DemonChild · 31/03/2010 10:52

YABU, it's none of your business.

DuelingFanjo · 31/03/2010 10:54

hide teir status updates, de-friend them seeing as you don't seem to like them. Get over it.

LadyEarth · 31/03/2010 10:54

DINKY = Dual Income No kids Yet IMO they still have that philosophy. For a new born quantity time is quality time.

OP posts:
ImSoNotTelling · 31/03/2010 10:56

If one person you know is leaving their few weeks old baby with all and sundry while the go out partying every night then obviously that is not ideal.

However you cannot extrapolate that to "What I loathe is selfish DINKY's who refuse to sacrifice any of their hedonistic lifestyle for the sake of their child." You know one person who does this, how is that therefore a common trend that you find appalling.

Unfriend your friend and forget it.

LadyEarth · 31/03/2010 10:57

Happy to "de-friend" them. Problem is we are related and I am sorry that this will inevitably affect my relationship with them.

OP posts:
runnybottom · 31/03/2010 10:57

And its your business because........?

tummytime · 31/03/2010 10:58

YABU

tummytime · 31/03/2010 11:00

You clearly don't like them very much so you can either defriend them and have it all out in the open or carry on bitching about them behind their backs.

And of course facebook updates are the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth .

PuppyMonkey · 31/03/2010 11:00

Bombarded? I bet that means once a week or so?
All other times, she's probably primary carer. Give her a break.

ImSoNotTelling · 31/03/2010 11:01

Maybe the updates are jokey/sarcy.

AgentZigzag · 31/03/2010 11:03

I can see where you're coming from because if you don't want to spend any time away from your own children it's difficult to understand someone who does.

This mum though might be having real difficulties adjusting to being a mum. For some people, all the things they have to do for their baby are perhaps not a labour of love, not that they don't love their baby, but if you're finding it difficult every 'demand' can perhaps weigh heavily.

Luckily I've not experienced this, but I can see how frightening such a responsibility might be.

If you know this mum, perhaps you could ask her if she's OK?

LadyEarth · 31/03/2010 11:03

I guess that's the real issue, if this were just a friend I could move on. The fact is that I see a child I love being let down and I have no power to alter that. I cannot talk to the parents, (I think it's one of those "if you don't get it there's no point explaining it" things), and I have no influence but baby is still getting a raw deal. Just needed to vent into the ether so that I can put on a plastic smile and maintain a relationship.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 31/03/2010 11:06

What the frig does 'important emotional regulation' mean?

PLus is another thread about FB updates - who really gives credence to those?

Who gives a shit anyway?

OP - have a cup of tea and a boasters biscuit and STFU.

canucktraveler · 31/03/2010 11:06

Some people should not be parents.

PuppyMonkey · 31/03/2010 11:07

Being cared for by someone else for a bit isn't necessarily being let down or getting a raw deal.

You're not a bit are you?

LadyEarth · 31/03/2010 11:08

GetOrfMoiLand - happy to answer your question if you have a genuine interest in the answer...

OP posts:
PatsyStone · 31/03/2010 11:09

Personally I think YANBU, I know of some people who seem to think it's ok to have a ridiculously over extended adolescence, and it carries on even when they become parents.

It's crap for the children in question, but heyho, who are we to judge?

There isn't really anything you can do about it though, without coming across as interfering and upsetting someone.

Bucharest · 31/03/2010 11:10

In all honesty, if we're talking a newborn who isn't being breastfed,(and even then it is doable) then I imagine they could be left with anyone and wouldn't actually notice. All they do is feed/shit/sleep, no?

My Mum went back to working a 12 hr day when I was 5 weeks old. I don't feel emotionally unregulated. I feel bloody grateful to her that she made such a huge sacrifice.

Bramshott · 31/03/2010 11:10

Then just hide their status updates. People parent in different ways.

Bramshott · 31/03/2010 11:11

And may not tell the truth in Facebook status updates !