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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

punishment at private school

186 replies

rawspice · 29/03/2010 11:31

AIBU to be cross because my dd was punished at her school in such a way that it left her with a blister and cut on her finger and she was understandably distressed?

The teacher had her sharpen pencils for 1 hour as a punishment for using rude language nearly 3 weeks after the incident. She's only 8 years old and maybe I'm overreacting....

I have spoken to the headmistress but she does not feel it is an unreasonale sanction and she claims they only made her do this for 30 minutes, but I cannot see how an 8 year old child can sharpen 36 pencil in 30 minutes - is this even possible????

I know that schools have to have rules but should punishments result in cuts or blisters?

Makes me feel like a basket case!

OP posts:
rey · 29/03/2010 11:36

Shocked!!!
Private school or otherwise, even if it had been you as a parent I would be shocked and even more so because the head a second adult did not even bat an eyelid at this. I would be inclined to write so that it is on record the action you have already taken and the response you have received or at the very least to make a proper note of this for future reference. Shocked!

ItsAllaBitNoisy · 29/03/2010 11:40

YABU

Original poster
rawspice · 29/03/2010 11:42

I have written to the Head of the whole school and their response is that it is 'regrettable' that dd was upset after school by the punishment.

I did take her to the nurse but she is now saying that it was 'only' a small cut. Does the size of the cut really matter?!

OP posts:
MillyMollyMoo · 29/03/2010 11:43

The only unreasonable thing about it was that it took place 3 weeks after the event.

Quattrocento · 29/03/2010 11:44

Think you are over-reacting a bit tbh

The punishment was to sharpen pencils. It wasn't to cut your child. Yes your child did cut herself but that's (a) quite difficult to do with a pencil sharpener so couldn't have reasonably been foreseen and (b) something that could have happened in any event.

Naetha · 29/03/2010 11:46

Isn't the point of punishment meant prevent it happening again? If your DD wasn't upset by it, then surely it wouldn't have achieved its purpose?

Sharpening pencils is hardly a horrendous punishment, even for an 8 year old.

At least her "punishment" was a productive activity, rather than lines or something with no purpose.

Tiredmumno1 · 29/03/2010 11:46

I dont know to much about how private schools work however i do feel when it comes to any school, punishments that are dished out really should be decided between school and parent, if its not something you would do at home then they should respect that. I do find the punishment that they gave her very odd.

I say this as i am in a similar position, my ds is in mainstream he has sn, i was walking past the school when he saw me and started waving to me, his teacher screamed at him in a nasty voice to get in, even though others were out there and she wanted them to tidy up, but singled him, i am so mad about it.

onagar · 29/03/2010 11:46

If it was meant to be just a way to control a misbehaving child. "go stand in the corner and do the pencils until you learn to behave!" it would probably be okay and the blister just unfortunate.

Doing it "nearly 3 weeks after the incident" makes it sound quite different. It sounds like a roundabout method of physically punishing without falling foul of the law.

There used to be things in schools (and in the services) like forcing people to run or stand still until it became painful.

The blister isn't the end of the world, but I'd look closely at the basic attitudes of the school.

clam · 29/03/2010 11:47

The kids in my class would kill for the "privilege" of being allowed to stay in and sharpen pencils! I have to organise a rota. Have to say I'd expect more tha 30 to be done in half an hour, though.

(I know I'm missing the point!)

Tiredmumno1 · 29/03/2010 11:48

Singled him out

crumpet · 29/03/2010 11:48

3 weeks afterwards is a bit odd.

At least the silver lining is that she might think twice about incurring another punishment...

Sassybeast · 29/03/2010 11:52

YANBU - any punishment which causes physical injury to a child, either accidentally or deliberately is wrong. Whole scenario is bizarre.

LeQueen · 29/03/2010 11:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StayingDavidTennantsGirl · 29/03/2010 11:54

Tiredmumno1 - I don't think it is realistic to expect schools to decide every punishment they dish out with the parents of the child being punished - it would be simply unworkable. Every incident requiring some form of punishment would require a phone call to the parent and a negotiation about the punishment, and maybe more calls if the parent refused to agree to the original punishment. If you think about this, multiplied by the number of times in a day that there will be misbehaviour in a school, you can see why it simply would not work.

In my experience, when my dses have started at a new school, we have had information about that school, and the discipline policies, and have been asked to sign up to support them. At the very least, a school should be willing to tell a parent what their discipline policies are, and then by putting their child in that school, the parents are tacitly agreeing to that discipline policy.

I don't think that sharpening the pencils was a terribly unreasonable punishment, though I did have to sharpen all the class pencils when I was a classroom volunteer in ds2's class, and I got a blister too, so that ought to have been foreseable.

However, I think it is utterly unreasonable for the school to have delayed the punishment for three weeks without any good reason - especially for younger children, punishment needs to be swift, otherwise they will have forgotten and moved on from whatever they were being punished for.

SuSylvester · 29/03/2010 11:54

LOLOL at OP

LeQueen · 29/03/2010 11:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Onestonetogo · 29/03/2010 11:56

YANBU. Sounds very victorian imo.

Fliight · 29/03/2010 11:57

Very bizarre, and tbh I think it's an awful thing to do to an 8yo child.

Ridiculous at best, at worst it belies a very very strange and poor attitude to discipline by the school.

I'd be taking her out.

LeQueen · 29/03/2010 11:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bramshott · 29/03/2010 12:00

In my DD's class (Yr 2) sharpening pencils is a treat !

Fliight · 29/03/2010 12:02

She must have been doing it in quite an arduous and determined manner to retain injuries.

I would have probably hurt myself doing it too if it had been a punishment, at that age - I'd have felt very worried about not doing it well enough.

Fliight · 29/03/2010 12:02

sustain, sorry

weegiemum · 29/03/2010 12:02

Why does the fact this is at a private school make the tiniest difference?

posieparker · 29/03/2010 12:04

Gosh, the other night when collecting my 6 and 8 yr old from school and got chatting to ds1's quite gorgeous teacher. He asked if they could sharpen pencils for him, they jumped at the chance to please him. They sharpened all pencils in about 5 minutes, much too quick for the conversation.

Perhaps if the discipline was better at home she would have had enough respect not to swear at school. I hope you didn't share your over reaction with your dd.

Quattrocento · 29/03/2010 12:09

That's a good point Posie

Always best not to undermine punishments set by the school IMO. Sends a message that the original offence was okay.