Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

punishment at private school

186 replies

rawspice · 29/03/2010 11:31

AIBU to be cross because my dd was punished at her school in such a way that it left her with a blister and cut on her finger and she was understandably distressed?

The teacher had her sharpen pencils for 1 hour as a punishment for using rude language nearly 3 weeks after the incident. She's only 8 years old and maybe I'm overreacting....

I have spoken to the headmistress but she does not feel it is an unreasonale sanction and she claims they only made her do this for 30 minutes, but I cannot see how an 8 year old child can sharpen 36 pencil in 30 minutes - is this even possible????

I know that schools have to have rules but should punishments result in cuts or blisters?

Makes me feel like a basket case!

OP posts:
Bigpants1 · 29/03/2010 17:43

Havent read the whole thread, and so am not sure what "bad language" your dd used.
I think sharpening pencils for 30mins is not too bad really, if it was an hour, that seems like a long time for a small dc.
What I do think is Not ok, is to punish someone 3wks after the incident. DC need consequences asap after an incident, or they forget and so perhaps dont make the connection.
This is the bit I would be questioning the school about, as it does seem odd and inappropriate. Also, if you havent seen one, I would ask for a copy of the school discipline policy, and if you are not happy, you will have to decide if this is the school for your dd or not.

Original poster
rawspice · 29/03/2010 17:44

Wow - lots of advice - thanks

Yes - agree - sharpening pencils not a death sentence

On the other hand any punishment that leaves a scar, cut or abrasion is not on - this was her first offence so a bit harsh I think.

May just leave it at that for now until I've calmed down.

OP posts:
2rebecca · 29/03/2010 17:50

Nothing wrong with it as a punishment. It's not the teacher's fault she cut herself on a pencil sharpener, she sounds like she needed a bit of practice at it.
I'd be angry if my child was using bad language in school and think you are being very PFB about it.

Kneazle · 29/03/2010 17:51

at pag

runnybottom · 29/03/2010 17:52

Yet you are still not saying how a child manages to cut themselves sharpening pencils. Serious question. I just looked at a parer, its really hard to injure oneself with one.

Unless of course you are making that part up.

posieparker · 29/03/2010 17:58

'Private' has nothing to do with my response.

hocuspontas · 29/03/2010 18:01

Can I put my hand up and say that I'm always cutting my finger when sharpening pencils. I slit the top of my index finger when I'm trying to dislodge a lead with my nail and I never learn that it's going to HURT!

Op - has your dd admitted she said these things? And it happened outside of school if I've understood you correctly? If so I can't see what it's got to do with the school.

StrictlyKatty · 29/03/2010 18:11

Ok the pencil sharpening is really not very harsh for a punishment!

It does not take one whole minute to sharpen one pencil so must have been half and hour or less.

I would be much more worried about a child that age swearing tbh.

Kneazle · 29/03/2010 18:14

she said "boobs and willies"

TheFallenMadonna · 29/03/2010 18:21

Was she given a knife to sharpen them with or soemthing ? I had to snigger a bit at the comment about "any punishment that leaves a scar...is not on". Because in a reasonablility test, you would not expect a deep cut from a pencil sharpener.

I get my students in detention to shrpen pencils, test my coloured pens to see which have run out etc. I sed to give them lines! The whole point is that it is a waste of their time, unless it's to make up missing coursework or something like that.

SpicedGerkin · 29/03/2010 18:29

Oh i know Strictly the thought that one of my DCs may have said boobs or willies has me up at night...

LynetteScavo · 29/03/2010 18:31

Well the sharpening of pensile, the cut and the blister wouldn't bother me.

Handing out a punishment 3 weeks later, because of hearsay would wildly annoy me.

Original poster
rawspice · 29/03/2010 18:32

TheFallenMadonna - That is precisely why I am concerned - you do not expect a deep cut from sharpening pencils - let alone expect it to bleed and need a plaster. A warning would have been sufficient if indeed she did say these things.

OP posts:
LynetteScavo · 29/03/2010 18:33

Pencil!

pigletmania · 29/03/2010 18:39

YABU at the punishment, nothing wrong with sharpening pencils, she wont do that again in a hurry. I was expecting something along the lines of getting a ruler over her knuckles or being told to stand with her arms outstreched to the sides for half an hour (as we did at boarding school), sharpening pencils . YANBU though about the punishment taking place 3 weeks after the event, should be immediately or soon after imo.

Solo2 · 29/03/2010 18:41

Coming in late here but isn't the key factor the lack of trust between OP and the school and the way the school have handled her queries?

I can think of different, more skillful responses to a parent concerned about her child's punishment, than that of this school. If the school truly believed this was a fitting punishment and yet clearly understaood that the parent wasn't happy, then surely a good head teacher would use their expert communication skills to listen to the parent's concern and pay heed to their opinion, nonetheless?

I think it's the fact that you - OP - are left feeling unheard by the school that's making it even harder for you. Almost as an aside, I completely agree with you that this was a ridiculous way to discipline and rather cruel and old-fashioned.

Given that DS's 'swearing' was hearsay rather than overheard, wouldn't most teachers give her the benfit of the doubt and simply address the entire class, strongly reminding them of what was appropriate language - or not?

But in a way, this is less important than your feelings about the response of the school to your concerns. If you'd come away from this feeling - well, we don't agree about this but at least the school can see how upset I, as a mum, must feel that my daughter ended up with a nasty cut on her hand and are sorry about this unecessary aspect of the punishment...

But you haven't. You feel unheard and this must be making it even harder to move on.

I think you've reached a point where either you say to yourself - the good aspects of this school far outweigh the bad and we'll just have to tolerate the bad until DD leaves....- ....or you say - this is just one example of my loss of trust in this school and my fears that something like will happen again and so I'm going to look for a better place for my child.

pigletmania · 29/03/2010 18:41

So what she cut herself on a sharpner, hardly a big lasceration is it! Kids cut hurt themselves all the time doing all manner of things. She will live, dont worry let that be a lesson to her!

pointydog · 29/03/2010 18:50

It is possible to sharpen 36 pencils in 30 minutes. If you have a good sharpener, it takes no time to do.

Original poster
rawspice · 29/03/2010 18:55

Solo2 - you're so completely right! I am venting because it has been mishandled. You've made me see sense so thanks!

BTW she wasn't accused of swearing but using the terms 'willy' and 'boobs' and I'd be in meltdown if I heard her swear

OP posts:
Charlieandlola · 29/03/2010 19:01

Why did the punishment take place 3 weeks after the poor language. Half term is only a week. And it was in mid feb - why post now ?

Sounds a bit daily mail writer to me - waiting for mnrs to spout forth on Corp punishment and state v private (yawn).

If it is a genuine story then you should question the parents/school relationship and communication. Sounds crap to me. ( off to sharpen pencils as punishment for saying bad word)

5Foot5 · 29/03/2010 19:29

Kneazle: "...even if she shouted "you arse" in the face of a teacher I would have thought that just telling her off is enough - she is only eight. "

Are you serious!!

If a child of that age spoke like that to a teacher I would expect it to be taken very, very seriously - state or private, it doesn't matter.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 29/03/2010 19:51

Sorry rawspice, I've been out for hours and come back to find this is still being talked about. I must say I couldn't help but chuckle re: "punishments that leave a scar are not on". Well, no. If they were e.g. whipping here I would cross too. Sharpening a fuffing pencil is not supposed to leave a scar - your DD was a bit clumsy and, as I pointed out earlier, had an accident.

I think in this particular case you might have to leave it now or risk sounding as bonkers overanxious to the school as you have on here. I'm sure you are actually a perfectly reasonable woman who's fed up with being fobbed off by teachers. But I think you just need to keep a close eye on school and next time insist on speaking to the head or whoever. It's wrong of them to ignore you even if you're being preciousandabitsilly perhaps a little over-concerned.

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 29/03/2010 19:52

"if they were whipping her I would be cross too" - sodding willying keyboard.

piscesmoon · 29/03/2010 20:02

I never know why people pay for something they don't like!

GigglyWrinkles · 29/03/2010 20:27

YABU. Our feelings as parents to one side; does your DD understand what she did was unacceptable? If so, then perhaps we adults don't like it, but it may help her in the future to deal with society as it's all about learning to conform to social norms. I'm pretty sure your school has a golden rules etiquette if it's private, so she will now realise that stepped outside of that.

3 weeks is a longer time than the 'ideal' of nipping it in the bud after an event, but if something like that was brought to my attention after an event, however long, I would have deal with it, not ignore it. As whoever has brought it to the attention of the teacher (parent, for that matter) needs also to understand/see that the unacceptable behaviour will not be ignored and that standards are maintained.

That counts for home, school, wherever and with others too.
I'm not a teacher BTW, just a parent.