to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

mummee09v you don't have to tell your DP what to do. You should tell him how you feel about it and not lie and pretend you're "cool" with it.

dittany - i am 30.

what do you mean? he never said she was "evil" - nothing of the sort, just that she was possessive and controlling.

thumb...you have been saying those same phrases since the beginning of this thread

but Op ain't listening

she wants to be "cool" and not piss off her lovely boyfriend

my ex was possessive and controlling as well - he also had a lot of good points (which his ex did as well), so why would he lie about it in the same way as i wouldnt lie about my ex?

i dont get it dittany, what are u saying?

yes, dittany

but she doesn't have to fall for it !

Why are you worried about expressing your feelings? What do you think will happen if you say how you feel?

So, if your ex was the same as his ex, would you think your partner was not "cool" if he expressed his views about something you were going to do that he was uneasy about?

I hope you are wrong Dittany but it rung alarm bells for me too.

AF... pretending is better, simply because it is not real. I do no 'favours'. I dance around, they look and they pay. And no, I'm not so stupid. I'm an educated and fairly intelligent individual who makes money and supports myself and others through a job that requires me to work very few hours, keeps me in shape and allows me to have the time to continue my studies. For what its worth, who is anyone to judge what others do to support their family?!!? I am happy in my job, the customers are not forced at gunpoint. If there is demand there is supply in any industry!

"Its a bit of fun, its not serious unless you have major insecurities."

jesus

you're just trotting out the old "Women! If you don't like this objectification of women's bodies, you're insecure/a 'frigid bitch'" line (to steal AnyFucker's phrase)

makes my blood boil

Mummee

Your talk about you and your friend not wanting to be seen as 'insecure' and 'controlling' just reminds me of hostages who have developed stockholm syndrome (a survival mechanism where hostages develop the delusion that their captors are great people in order to find some rationale for unjustifiable behaviour).

On a societal level this is how men bully women - e.g. 'if you don't like lap dancing clubs its YOUR problem because of your insecurities etc etc' BULLSHIT. We live in a society that is grossly unfair in terms of many of the power relations between men and women and these clubs are one example.

Early in our relationship my DH went to a LD club on his brother's stag do - I was fucking furious and very nearly dumped him. He actually found the club pretty horrible. He also realised he'd better not mess with my feelings about this in future (I don't actually care about him looking at pics of girls etc as for me that's a different issue). If he did go to a LD club now I would have no qualms about dumping him - there are enough available men out there who don't have the need to go to these places.

I also had a friend who worked in a LD club when desperate for money. She lasted 3 weeks and told me that had she carried on it would have destroyed her own sense of herself completely as well as any respect for men in general.

Your feelings about this matter - and your feelings are HIS problem as well if he wants a relationship with you. Sorry for serious /long post - this stuff makes me

Jelly - why does this type of prostitution job exists in the first place? Why is it there as an option in the first place?

oops 'exist'

LindenAvery christ NO!!! How awful. I am perfectly well-balanced and not had anything so horrific happen to me luckily. I dont think I get judged on my looks.. Do you?! I'm not bad looking, I scrub up well, put hair and a lot of make up on for work, but geez, Im not a bimbo. Hardly anyone knows or would guess what I do for work!

I view men the same as I always have. I love them. Like anyone else would. Some are twats, some are not. Goes without saying I wouldn't want any family memeber to see me naked surely?!

my god..what you lot dont know you make up dont you!!!! this country is so frigid about sex!! i think you all need to go and live in europe for a couple of months and lighten up about sex!!

Lapdancing is an oxymoron anyway. If you're that close to the audience's lap, what you are doing is not dancing.

Get a grip, woman - lap dancing sucks, big time, on every level. Stand up for yourself and be honest with DP like a cool grown up woman.

Interesting that YOU use the word bimbo? Why is that?

Sorry - my last post was aimed at Jelly.

I have read that lots of women who end up doing this job have been abused, treated badly by men and have low self-esteem.

It also changes how they view men and possibly affects any relationship they then may have.

LA... because that is how most people would view women in this job. I am not saying that all women who disagree with this or have an issue with it are frigid or insecure, not at all. All I am saying is that if the posters above dont want their dp to go and look at other women then that is their decision, and shouldnt be so judgemental of people who choose otherwise. Is it ok to judge people by the job they do, when it doesnt affect you?!

mummysgoingmad - I'm not uptight about sex, nor am I frigid

you don't have to be a fan of lap dancing clubs to like sex FGS