to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

mummee09v if it was me here what i'd do

say to dp yeh by all means go in but i've been thinking about it an i i'd rather you didn't have a private dance..if you really want a private dance i'll do 1 for you!! nudge nudge

So be cool he goes to a lap dancing club.

Be cool when he sleeps around.

Be cool when he pays for sex.

Be cool when he refers to other women as munters.

Be cool when he makes you do things sexually that you don't want to do.

Be cool when he belittles you.

Be cool when he hits you.

Be cool when he rapes you.

Just be cool.

mmmmmmmm

< breathe >

mmmmmmmm

< sneaks a slurp of wine and a cheesy wotsit >

mmmmmmmm

< reads mummygonemad's post >

< has a fucking heart attack >

I'm not sure that trading sexual favours for dh's promise of good behaviour of not having a private dance is going to do mummee's quite obvious low self esteem much good, lol!

x posts thumbwitch!

Obviously I am more selfish than you

Hang on a mo there ladies.... are you saying that dancing around naked for a few minutes is the equivalent of prostitution ?!?!?! I think not. I am not a sex worker, I do not touch the guys, they do not touch me, and if they try... thats when they get thrown out and head home with a black eye.

Fifitot, I have no desire to actually rub any part of myself on any man outside of my own bedroom... I pretend in work, thats what its all about, the pretense and arousel, not the actual act. I am certainly not saying that it is all fantastic and the women are all gorgeous, but women are not (generally) forced into doing this. I cant remember who said it in an earlier post, but no it wasn't that long ago that I started, I still work every now and then, but need to less and less. Soooo many women are doing it now that it makes the 'good' or 'better' girls stand out. It is a growing industry and the more people talk about it, the more controversial it will be. But... if clubs were banned, then they would simply go underground and be far more private, but no less prolific.

I have entertained stag groups and also hen nights out! The women when in a group are far more interested and accepting than if they were to come in with a partner. Its a bit of fun, its not serious unless you have major insecurities. If you have, then your dp should understand and wouldnt want to enter a club anyway, surely?!?!

You should definitely tell him you don't want him to go - being honest with him is way cooler than trying to be 'cool' when you are secretly seething. Honesty is the best policy and all that.

I think it may be needed

jelly...you asked for my opinion

I think what you do is on the spectrum of sex work

how is pretending any better ?

it is still trading sexual favours for money

are you really so stupid ?

is it so wrong that i just don't want to tell my dp what to do?

he is nearly 40 - he can make his own decisions!

he was married for nearly 15 years to a woman that stopped him doing everything, from going out with his friends on nights out, in fact, so much as seeing his friends - to playing in a band, to playing football...you name it, anything he liked to do and she didnt want him doing it!

so i do not want to tell him what to do, i want him to do what he wants but i want him to make his own decisions. and i want him to NOT want to go in a lapdancing bar.

i DON'T think there is anything wrong with not wanting to seem insecure and controlling to your DP.

However, I can now see many posters points that it WOULDN'T make me uncool or controlling to state my views on him going.

< rallies >

You're not telling him what to do. You're telling him how you feel about what he might do.

mummee...I don't equate paying for sexual favours to playing football or strumming a guitar in a band

what a ridiculous comparison

Mummee you wouldn't be telling him not to go, you would just be telling him you don't want him to.

Whether he then goes or not is up to him.

JellyJealous

Have you ever been sexually assaulted prior to becoming a lapdancer?

Sexually abused as a child?

Ever made to feel worthless as an individual?

Judged purely on your looks?

Just interested.

And how do you view men now?

Would you be happy for your father to see you in action? Your partner? Your son?

Would you need to state 'I needed the money?'

/

telling your DP that you don't like the thought of him going to such a place and "telling him what to do" are MILES apart!!

Make your feelings clear to him - then leave it up to him what he does with that information.

It is deeply unfair to your DP to be so dishonest to him - you are not being real with him, you are faking - the relationship you have needs to be based in reality.

The definition of a sex worker is someone who sells their body for the sexual gratification of another person.

Lapdancers/strippers definitely come under that.

Well just be honest then. Tell him that you don't like the idea of lapdancing clubs and you don't understand why men want to visit these type of establishments. You never know he might actually agree with you!