to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

scrudd...you might have a point there

< takes deep breaths >

< feels blood pressure falling again >

YABcompletelyU to lie to your DH about how you really feel about this and expect him to psychically know your true feelings under your lies about being 'cool' about things.

It doesn't matter a jot whether you're ok with lapdancing clubs or not, all that matters is that your honest with your partner about how you feel. How can he make an informed choice about what to do if he doesn't know what you really feel about it?

It's not insecure for you to not want your DH, who promised in his vows to put you above all others (or something), not to hire a sex worker!!!!!

I am an exeptionally cool girlfriend (really) and my DP knows exactly how I would feel and he thinks I'm even cooler for being able to say no about something I wouldn't like.

Seriously, cool is for teenagers. Self-respect and confidence is much better

mummee09v it still bothers me more than anything that everyone, including you and the groom, is prepared to keep this from the bride. Not much of a friend/ future husband. Does this not bother you at all?

Well said Demonchild.

I have a tendency to be very blunt and always speak my mind. Dh loves appreciates it. He can't stand it when people sulk and then say that nothing is wrong.

Some of my friends try to pull off the 'cool, don't care what you do image' they look weak and their dp's have no respect whatsoever for them.

Some ridiculous posts on here. Can't stop reading the thread though.

I don't see why someone can't say they would prefer their partner not to go to a lap dancing club....Why not? If they feel they are sleazy, nasty places that objectify women - why should they have to approve of them going.

It's like the whole porn argument again. Some people just don't seem to realise what's involved. It's not just women with their tits out dancing around. However if you are happy with your partner having someone woman rub their crotch against your husbands erection, mimic a BJ, stick their naked vagina and/or nipples in his face....well more fool you!

i bought my dp a lapdance it really didn't bother me.....sorry if this upsets the masses but he'l do it anyway once he gets a few beers down his throat and all the guys are at him to go, do you really think he's going to say no??

How would any us know if your DH would say no? We've never met him.

"He will do it anyway once he has a few beers down his throat".

Really? You don't have a very high opinion of men if you think that they are all sheep who can't think for themselves.

after a the stags hit a couple of bars they decied to go to a lapdancing club but DP says mummee wouldn't want me to go in there i'll wait outside/ go to another bar by myself! YEH RIGHT!!!!!! of course he's going to follow the crowd..i'm not saying he'd get a private dance or anything but i dont think for a minute he wouldn't go in

in my OP - i said that me and the bride to be have spoken about it!! so she DOES know that lapdancing bars may be on the cards. nobody has kept it from her.

and she isnt at all happy about it as i said, but like me, she doesnt want to come across insecure or controlling.

also, dp doesn't actively "want" to go in one, i just meant, he would just go along if all his friends were going in. and he never said he would have a dance, i just said i wouldnt mind if he did.

and most of the guys going on the stag do are married or in a relationships, and most have kids with their partners too. (and DP has a teenage daughter.)

i think i might talk to him. he is kind and considerate and wouldnt want to do anything that would hurt me; but at the same time, i want to be the cool girl he has always known.

Well I know for a fact that my dh wouldn't go in but then most of his mates have more class than that anyway.

" after a the stags hit a couple of bars they decied to go to a lapdancing club but DP says mummee wouldn't want me to go in there i'll wait outside/ go to another bar by myself! YEH RIGHT!!!!!! of course he's going to follow the crowd..i'm not saying he'd get a private dance or anything but i dont think for a minute he wouldn't go in .."

EXACTLY mummysgoingmad.

But if you don't think it's cool - just tell him you don't. You can't STOP him doing anything I guess but then it's up to him. You can at least air your views.

Scrud

Passes AF a glass of wine

Hope that helps

mummee, don't you think it's 'cooler!' to speak your mind?

mummee09v - Whatever you decide to do you have to stop this whole "cool" routine. Trying to be cool is the opposite of cool. Cool is having the confidence to be yourself.

hasn't this point about sheep men been covered already? Some are quite capable of not following the crowd...

My Dh would so no, because he thinks strip bars are horrid. They charge you loads at the door and the beers are really expensive. What a waste of time. And the girls are not even that attractive.

My DH would go if he was on a stag do and everyone was going, and I wouldn't mind because I know that he thinks those places are sad.

I have a friend who banned her Dh from going to a strip bar on a stag night and to be fair he didn't go, but I do think that is a bit ott because he is a nice bloke and wouldn't get anything out of a place like that anyway (and if he did she wouldn't have married him iyswim).

Just to be on the safe side

I don't get this desire to do what everyone else is doing. Why would someone go into a lap dancing club just to keep up appearances? Why would someone express an opinion to a partner in order to appear cool? I just don't understand any of this!

I wouldn't go on a day out to an abattoir just to appear fashionable. I am perplexed by this whole scenario.