to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

Anyfucker - say it isn't so ? Not LeQ ?

Seriously. Her coil has been known to cause her little 'outbursts' in the past in another time and place. T'was one of those internet moments of which legends are made. Especially when someone commented that Pol Pat must have had the same affliction

midori...send him on his way to a "better" club, with your blessing

he deserves only the best, and you must not stand in his way

I am shocked to the core, that when someone points out what goes on these clubs (maybe not every one...), they are attacked

when someone brings attention to the fact that the degradation of women appears to be supported by other women, they get attacked

when forced to confront that the young girl gyrating for some perv's sexual titillation is someone's daughter, they get attacked

a very, very sad state of affairs

midori...congratulations

you have driven me from this thread

go and high-five your dp now, won't you

He does deserve only the best, you're right, and he has it at home as far as he is concerned...

The point is, unless you have been to a lapancing club (and I assume, due to your views of them, you haven't been in one?!)then you are merely assuming or speculating about what goes on there, yet if anyone's husband suggests that they have no experience of such 'goings on' they must be lying.

The majority of men who go to lapdancing clubs do so as part of a night out with mates, a stag do or whatever, and even if they were ot have a private danbce, it would all be part of the 'laugh' and not erotic for most men. IMO, that is totally different to someone going to a club alone, night after night or week after week and spending a ridiculous amount of money there.

All of that said, everyone's entitled to their own opinion, if a woman wouldn't want her DH to go to such a place, that is her perogitive, and something they couple need to sort of between themselves. But equally, a woman has a right to not mind her husband going to such clubs without being called naive or uncivilised as has been suggested by some on this thread.

Let's face it, on almost every thread on here, if someone puts forward an alternative point of view, they get slated.

Here's my slant. I find that Co-op advert, where the joke of the advert is that tonight the MAN is cooking (how hilarious), much much more offensive than some bird who's younger and fitter than me earning twice as much by swinging her tits around.

Lapdancers sell a look at their body to earn a living. I sell my brain and time to earn a living. My tits aren't worth a lot, but my creative teaching skills are.
On the spectrum, we are all selling something to pay the mortgage. Who has the right to decide what we sell?

I don't have to go to a lap dancing club to know that a half naked woman dancing to sexually titillate (sp) a man is degrading to women.

Agreed AF.

Lapdancing clubs are degrading to women, full stop. It is entirely irrelevant if the women who work in them are gorgeous or 'munters', if no touch rules are or aren't being observed, if the men who go there are talking about computers, only doing it for a 'laugh' or have been bullied into it by their mates. None of this is at all relevant. By their very existence, lapdancing clubs are objectifying and commodifying women's bodies. Can any woman seriously say that they support this?

Not any intelligent woman, no.

Dittany, I am sure if you have any questions, he would be happy to answer them, but you appear to know so much about it yourself, including what men think and feel, why would you need him to?

LeQueen that seems a likely scenario to me.

golf is a whole other evil/not evil debate...

Wow, yeah, how can I have failed to see that golf is evil but objectifying women is harmless!

Thanks for helping me to see the light with that enormously relevant contribution, LeQ

To me the thread is breaking down into different, although linked, issues.

OP was advised to discuss her concerns about LD club with her OH and she is planning to do that

The second topic appears to be should men go to LD clubs and should their OH ignore/support/dismiss that.

I have said that I wouldn't object to DH going for a stag etc as a 1 off but would object to it happening every night. I know, from speaking with DH about a variety of topics over the last 10 year, that he does not find LD clubs appealing and would rather go to a comedy club. He would agree to go only as part of a stag.

The third topic is about the right/wrongs of LD clubs existance.

I don't like the idea of LD, strip clubs, brothels, porn makers, human trafficking (sp) etc. I would be happier if certain parts of the sex industry didn't exist. I am sure most men and women would agree that they dislike the idea of this as an area of employment for their daughter etc. So in fact I think "them" and "us" probably agree on this point.

The sticky area is the second topic...while we agree they shouldn't exist...they currently do and are being used by men..and some women...for a "bit of a laugh"

I don't think anyone against LD is frigid or overbearing if they express their dislike of them/the whole sex industry...but I also dislike the assuptions that any wife who has no issue with their man going to a club is accused of being lied to, un-knowing or just a bit dim with OH who are disrespectful, perverted, sleezy and manipulative. "They", however, are fully informed, adored and respected with upright, honest men who are so far above the rest of us mere mortals.

people who work in / have been to clubs have been online and said that their club offers "no extras" but they are disbelieved immediatley as "you" know best. I am sure there are plenty of clubs/massage parlours etc that are happy to give extras, just as i'm sure some are strictly no touching.

Midori1999 said most of it for me really.

oh get a grip

that wasn't directed at you ben10

Op, I don't think YABU at all.

But my dH did on his own stag night (his friends made him!!?) and he told me all about it.

His feedback was actually quite interesting. I'm pretty sure he won't go to one of his own accord in near future.

Why can't anyone think of something a bit different to do on a stag/hen do?!Why are they such a must do is beyond me.

So for anyone who currently doesn't have an issue with LD clubs, if your daughter worked in one, would you be happy ?

AF As I said in my previous post to you, I should not have only named you. It just happened that after reading up to page 18 last night...then the rest today, (oh yes I did infact "wade" through every post, your posts stood out and I felt that the thread was becoming generally attacking on a personal level IYSWIM

When I reached you post to LeQ I used it to illustrate that fact..although I wasn't clear enough.

ksal sid it more clearly "attempting to belittle and patronise someone just because you disagree with their point of view is just cheap points scoring..."

"funnily enough, if you did take the time you would see that the OP, mummee (remember her, the subject of this thread...oh no, 'cos you haven't waded through it all have you...) thanked me for my reply to her just a couple of pages back"

yes...she also thanked other posters, including me! I did read that and was glad to note your supportive post .

" which must make ben10 feel even more silly than she already does" not at all. but thanks for your concern

Anyone else besides me spitting nails at the notion that corporate client 'entertainment' at LD clubs is considered fine, or even de rigeur? This is the stuff the glass ceiling is made of, sistas.

Yanbu;

I hate LD clubs..they degrade men aswell as women.....I would love to see them all banned actually...

..One day hopefully..