to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

AF
I know my post was directed at you...shouldn't have just put your name down... but that was because you stood out to me.

It would take too long to wade through 25 pages and bring up every name...I will just leave it to pretty much anyone who you don't agree with.

Each to their own when it comes to opinions and I love a debate but I just feel there are times this thread has been more about "I'm right and your a twat" than giving/taking ideas or advice etc.

ben10...let me get this right

you are saying I am "rude and nasty" to everyone that doesn't agree with every word I say

al-righty then

funnily enough, if you did take the time you would see that the OP, mummee (remember her, the subject of this thread...oh no, 'cos you haven't waded through it all have you...) thanked me for my reply to her just a couple of pages back

< shrugs >

now perhaps you should have a little word with your best mate Leq, on her lovely habit of calling other women who are not as beautiful as she is "swamp pigs"

ben...if you want to pick me up on a thread, don't be so hypocritical, because it invalidates your argument somewhat

dittany i wouldn't give another man a dance, as i'm not a lapdancer. Surely the equivalent would be, would my DH be bothered if a male stripper gave me a dance? I'm quite sure he wouldn't be that bothered - it's all a bit of a joke isn't it?! isn't that what stag/hen nights are about?

Lequeen sweetie - is that nasty old coil giving you hassle again Maybe it's one of those days when you should just step away from the PC and go and do something more exciting instead ? You seem to be working your way into one of your frenzies again ? Why don't you toddle off and do lunch or something . Few deep breaths and all that ? Before you like REALLY make yourself look stupid ?

YANBU. In my book it is far cooler to be comfortable enough in yourself and your opinions and to let your dp know how you feel without caring how that might make you appear to other people. You should definitely let your dp know how you feel, and it is not wrong of you to feel the way you do.

I have always hated these places, and the way that women are expected to play along with the whole boys will be boys thing. It seems to me that women can be the worst at making each other feel crap about opinions, with the ridiculous arguments regarding self esteem and looks if you object to these forms of 'entertainment'. There is nothing wrong with my self esteem, and I am certainly not jealous of the women in those clubs either, thanks. I am also not so stupid that I think my dh doesn't find other women attractive, but there is a world of difference between that and paying for a woman to dance naked for him. Yuck.

As for the idea that you must be controlling if you voice any dislike to your partner going; I don't tell my dh what to do, but that doesn't mean that I won't tell him that if he went to one of these places and I got wind of it, it would not be good for our relationship. Isn't it controlling from the other side that those of us with objections are expected to put up and shut up, because obviously men can't live a full, meaningful life without going to lapdancing clubs

holly ?

would you find it all "a bit of a joke" were your daughter to gain employment in a place where she will be expected to be nice to leering men, expose her body to them for comment and rub her vaginal secretions in their faces for money ?

my sides are fucking splitting

It just isn't possible for any civilised adult person of either sex to think that these clubs are anything other than utterly vile.

sassy...leQ is winding us up

best not to respond

which must make ben10 feel even more silly than she already does

watch out for the swamp pigs, leQ !

"I hate the way society makes frigid bitches out of women who won't "let" their men get another woman's vaginal fluids rubbed in his face"

"rub her vaginal secretions in their faces for money "

Anyfucker, my husband says you must have only been to the 'good' lapdancing clubs and now feels he's missed out, bless him...

i know he does LeQ as he has told me before how refreshing it is to finally have someone that actively encourages him to do things rather than stifle him.

i will definitely speak to him. thank you - i do appreciate your advice it means a lot. and as an aside, i think it sounds like you and your DH have a lovely, honest relationship and if you are cool with him going to LD clubs then good for you, i really mean that. also - i dont blame you for feeling smug seeing your DH's ex, i think if we are honest most of us would be the same! i was a bit like it with my ex - he always put me down and made me feel like no one would want me apart from him, yet his new gf - as nice as she is - is, erm, not exactly kate moss

anyway gone off on a tangent now but thanks again ;) x

tbh, leQ, I really can't understand how you fight off all the admiring yummy daddies at the school gate either...

what with you being so much more beautiful than all those nasty swamp pigs 'n' all...

Oh dear....

this thread is incredible... why is it so hard to accept that not all men who go to a lapdancing club for a stag do are necessarily going to enjoy it or wouldn't rather be somewhere else? Why is it seen as ok to tar all men with the same brush?

and attempting to belittle and patronise someone just because you disagree with their point of view is just cheap points scoring...