to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

LeQ - I don't care if touching is involved or not. Either way it is degrading.

Can't say I've ever worried too much about the degradation or oppression of men in society as a whole. The Chippendales are hardly part of an overwhelming movement to exploit men and boys are they?

I don't think anyone has said it is 'cool', have they? Other than the OP saying she was trying to be 'cool'.

"Can't say I've ever worried too much about the degradation or oppression of men in society as a whole. The Chippendales are hardly part of an overwhelming movement to exploit men and boys are they? "

Maybe that's because women aren't so easily exploited that they aren't prepared to spend the multi millions of pounds on seeing the naked flesh of the opposite sex that men are?

Your NBU but i went to one of these places with DH once because i wanted to see what went on. You're not allowed to touch the dancers so there is no fear of your OH grabbing at them.

Honestly they were all silicone and cellulite. The silicone did nothing for DH at all. I think i enjoyed it more than him TBH.

midori - whether it's men or women getting naked (and we all know it is almost always women), we can be sure that it's men, not women, who are pocketing the multi millions at the end of the day.

So, it only matters that women are exploited (and that really is a mater of opinion!) working in the industry, but not that men are beng exploited into parting with multi millions of cash? It works both ways.

Certainly the girls I know/have met who work in lap dancing clubs (as that is what is being discussed on this thread) give a smallish percentage of what they earn to the club, and just like other clubs, most money is made on drinks, albeit over priced ones.

I know the practice isn't the same..but the issue of paying for a spot occurs in a hair salon where the hairdresser pays the shop owner a fee for chair hire.

The girl pays a fee for her spot on the stage

Many posters on this thread have (repeatedly) given valid reasons for objecting to lapdancing clubs per se. LeQ, you admit that you're not interested in the wider ethical implications, so I'm not sure why you keep wilfully missing the point.

LD clubs are part of the sex industry. They objectify and commodify women's bodies. They are part of a broader mainstreaming of the sex industry which includes marketing poledancing kits as toys (!) and playboy merchandise to little girls.

I honestly can't understand why any woman would think that this is harmless.

LeQueen;

LD clubs degrade the men who use them, I honestly believe that....I have never been in one, but imagine them to be seedy disgusting places....

Re; male strippers....not enough of them to be an issue, but I would find a man dancing naked infrount of me as about erotic as a two week old cheese sandwich......just not my scene at all.

I'm not sure that it shows much confidence in you relationship or you dp if you think he's going to go to one club and then "go off you" or leave, if that's what you and bride are worried about. Credit your men with a little more ....not all men enjoy it there, not all have private dances, or more, not all will even go in. Many men prefer their dps and their family lives than a quick grope with a girl from a lapdancing club. A friend of mine used to strip....she's a pasty size 12-14 with natural,average boobs.....a lot of these girls in provincial clubs are not stunning, but plastic, fake-tanned, bad-skinned examples of womanhood. There's no competition...I bet your man wants you and the body that's carried his children over theirs any day.
Tell him how you feel, let him reassure you. Don't ban him, cos that may make him want to do it more as revenge for being curtailed, or give him a guilt trip having to back down in front of his mates (seen as being under the thumb)or if he's curious. Trust is very much the name of this game I think.

I don't think women going to see the Chippendales is the same as men going to Lapdancing clubs. We don't get so turned on by what we see, but men do and if you've ever checked the average blokes gaze - he will check out hot women every day even if he's not aware of it.

As for how i'd feel if my DH was thinking of going to a Lapdancing club with his mates - i would feel anxious about another woman turning him on. I would point blank REFUSE to let him have a private dance, but may consider allowing him to go to the club (depending on the amount of peer pressure) as long as he promised to make me proud.

I went to a lapdancing club myself with a female friend of mine at Uni (in Bristol) to see what all the fuss is about.... the girls take turns to do dances on the main stage on the pole to "advertise their wares". They then ask you whether you want a private dance and take you to a private booth to do that which is very very intimate and close but (usually, and in the more reputable clubs) involves no touching.

It makes me ill to think of the proximity of a girl next to my husband during a private dance (apparently he paid for a lot of these before he met me), but i'm naturally jealous. I wouldn't be so fussed by him oogling a hot girl from afar.

It's just what works for you.

DH has been to a few stags since we've been together and they've been to lapdancing bars in the city near where we live and I honestly don't mind. DH is too tight to pay for anything so he just watches.

He got whipped by one of the girls on the backside (photo to prove it!) at his own stag, so it's all just a bit of harmless fun.

Dittany linked earlier to Spearmint Rhino. They are a chain of lapdancing clubs so not at the more dubious/illegal end. They have advertising videos of the women performing. The first video is of a woman dressed as a schoolgirl saying she is a naughty girl. She writhes around on the floor of the stage in this outfit, then takes a chain from around her neck and clamps it on to her nipples. She then pulls hard on the chain while writhing some more with her genitals visible beneath her schoolgirl skirt. There is also use of dildos and talk of anal penetration of the 'naughty schoolgirl'.

People describing going to a lap dancing club as women being part of the wallpaper, or of men not really seeing anything and catching a glimpse of a breast from a distance, or of the women just being decorative are talking nonsense. Or are Spearmint Rhino just making up that graphic acts go on in their clubs?

And we should also ban going to the cinema because films have women in them and are therefore objectified by men.

And all tabloids. And television, in case they show a bra advert.

Or maybe we should all be wearing burkhas, lest men get titillated by our very presence.

Advertising and film do not necessarily objectify women. There is a difference between finding a person sexually attractive and objectifying them.

I am somewhat annoyed by the double standards being applied here. If it is OK for women to go and oggle at Chippendales then why not OK for men to go and oggle at Spearmint Rhino.

Surely, both are equally degrading to viewer and paticipant?

I don't think most people on this thread do think one is unacceptable and one is not. I think it is simply that every time there is a debate about the treatment of women a disproportionate amount of the discussion becomes about men in similar situations, even though comparatively few men have those experiences.

If someone wants to start a thread about treatment of men in the sex industry, or men who have experienced rape, or domestic violence, or men who are underpaid at work, they should go for it and start that thread. But many people are going to avoid getting drawn into discussing the treatment of men on a thread about female sex work, because it is such a classic way of undermining anyway trying to discuss the treatment of women.

That should have said anyone not anyway!

If you really cannot spot the difference, ABD, I can only weep quietly for your poor dp.

It would make more sense to argue for the introduction of clubs with male lap dancers that women could pay to have private dances from. As far as I know the Chippendales don't run to that.