to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

ben...I replied to LeQ in the same tone she used to dittany

why aren't you picking up on that ?

not that it matters at all...LeQ is perfectly able to stand up for herself

would you like to list all the other "certain posters" I have offended with my rudeness and nastiness ?

LeQ - I would say it's perhaps a little naive!

Most men go for a curry because they want a vindaloo.

Most go to the pub because they want a pint.

Most go to play golf because they fancy 18 holes (no pun intended ).

And yet all of a sudden we're expected to believe that they go to lapdancing clubs and it's nothing to do with the main thing they're selling?

I also love how polarised this gets in terms of what does and doesn't go on in these places. The women whose other halves go all say that nothing is allowed to go on, and anyone breaking the rules is thrown out. And then you get loads of other people saying that if you really think it's 'look but don't touch' you're sadly deluded.

It has to be one or the other - it can't be both.

Lol at lequeen's documentary showing the clubs being so crowded

presumably all on stag dos chatting about football, not looking at the women and leaving after a few minutes for a curry

"Maybe he is being naive, having never had a private dance himself (when asked why, he said what's the point?!) but he is convinced nothing 'goes on' in at least the clubs he has been to.

I too have known a lot of girls who work in lap dancing clubs and as far as they are concerned, nothing goes on in the places where they work either."

Apart from the sexualisation and objectification of women???

My DH was "taken" to a club on his stag weekend and whilst I did feel a tiny bit jealous that he was having fun watching (or whatever) other semi clad ladies, I didn't and wouldn't ever tell him what he can/can't do.

He has his own mind and like others have said, if a bronzed, muscle clad adonis strolled into my hen party to do a little dance, I'd sure as hell stay for the show!!!

I wouldn't tell my (still currently non-existent) DH/P what to do either. However, I would make feelings on him going to a lap dancing club very clear. It would be his decision but he would have to accept that his decision, like any other decision he made, would have consequences.

going to a nightclub and getting wrecked is just a normal weekend event. There is pressure to make stag and hen dos memorable events. So 3 dayers in Dublin or Prague with plenty of booze, pranks and lapdancing clubs etc. are becoming more usual.

My DP has been to lapdancing clubgs on stag do's. I couldn't give a monkey's to be honest. I think it's utterly ludicrous but it's all part of the ridiculous male bravado thing, like getting ridiculously drunk and chained to a lamp-post and never discussing your feelings. It's just what blokes do when they are all together. Sad but true. Doesn't mean OP's partner thinks any less of her.
IMHO going to a club as part of a crowd is one thing, but getting involved and paying for private dances is entirely another.

My DH went to a lapdancing club for his stag do - not becuase of peer pressure but because he wanted to. I have no idea what goes on in these clubs because I've never been, but I do know I can trust DH not to do anything other than look. And I genuinely have no problem with him looking, despite the fact that I have no doubt that every one of the dancers will have better bodies than me. He's hardly going to run off with one of the dancers!

It seems that all his friends were happy with this plan too, but interestingly not all of them tell their other halves when they are going to LD clubs. Makes me wonder how many women who have an issue with these clubs are being lied to...

On the other hand, if someone (like OP) is really bothered by it, then it is quite disrespectful of the DH/P to ignore those feelings - doesn't matter what the rights and wrongs of it are. But you do have to discuss it with your DH - you can't expect him to mindread.

thank God I got married a long time ago. Organisers now feel under pressure to come up with more and more wacky ideas to try and outdo the last one and make it more exciting. I am sure there must be cases of people not being able to make the wedding, because they've been banged up.

moonsquirter...my DH doesn't lie to me and I resent the implication that because he says he doesn't go to lapdancing clubs he is lying and making a fool of me

I think lap dancing clubs are seedy hellholes and I would not be happy if my husband went to one.

That aside I think the most unpleasant thing I have read on this thread (and I have wasted at least an hour reading the whole thing) was the comment by LeQueen calling another woman a Swamp Pig.

FFS is that really necessary? That comment reveals a lot about you as a person LeQueen and it really isn't pretty.

my DH went to a strip club (2 in fact) on his stag night, and i knew about it in advance, and was even encouraging him to go!

I totally trust him and know that even if he got a private dance (which he did) it would in no way infringe on our relationship - in fact i think it makes it better because of the trust we have, and because we don't try to restrict what each other does (well, within reason!!).

the idea of 'letting' him do something is frankly an alien concept - he's not a child! If he tried to stop me going somewhere just because of his own insecurities it would make me mad!