to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

and if men find these places so drab and meh why do so many go there?

DandyLioness: how exactly our DP's ex stopped him from doing a range of activities.

I would imagine the same way a controlling man slowly distances then severs a womans link to friends & family....by emotional abuse. Just because he is a man doesn't mean he wasn't abused by his previous partner.

It also doesn't give anyone the right to claim its reverse psychology to trick OP.

We only have snippets of information about him/his life to give an opinion on this subject and frankly I have been reading some harsh judgements of posters including snidey comments about JJ education.

AnyFucker - yes it has actually.

I have decided I am going to tell him how I really feel about it. Lots of people on this thread have made me see that I am being silly by pretending to be OK with it.

so I really appreciate some of the constructive advice I have received from a lot of posters.

will let you all know how i get on! (if you are interested. which you are probably not )

thank you ben10isgreat

I'm interested! I wonder if he'll take your comments on board, or accuse you of trying to control him?

oh i will do, dandy, definitely. as i said, the stag (groom) is also one of my best friends and i think a lot of him and i dont think he would do anything that would hurt my friend (his wife to be)

I am interested

why would I reply to your thread, if I weren't ?

believe it or not, mumee, although your thread has inevitably caused a bit of unpleasantness (these subjects always polarise opinion..), even those you perceive as being harsh with you are on your side

no woman should have to pretend to be something they are not, in order to "keep their man happy"

it is that, above all...that made me very uncomfortable with your OP

LeQ, dittany has a fully-functioning sense of humour

perhaps the fact she is showing you to be a rather naive and shallow person, is causing you to mislay yours?

thank you AF x

DandyLioness I have been reading the whole post and by page 22 I couldn't contain my comment. I realised after posting that others had said similar .

Maybe as pp mentioned LD clubs/ male strippers for stag/hen are so much the "norm" that the bride/groom feel they should plan for them rather than it being what they might want IYKWIM.

Maybe it's a crappy situation where the groom/best man think it is what all the guys want...and the guys, (some of them) aren't interested but say yes because they also want to go along and not spoil things.

Like I said earlier mummee09v, tell him how you feel and ask him how he feels.

I want you to know that I have ignored the posts about your past as I found the reasons behind posting them harsh and they appeared to be an effort to belittle you.

Let us know how you get on

< snort >

I am interested to know if the women who are convinced 'something goes on' in lap dancing clubs have ever been to one?

A lot of young soldiers end up in lap dancing clubs at some stage, hence, my OH has been in them. In Canada in particular he says they ar every strict about how far the dancers have to be from the men in them.

Maybe he is being naive, having never had a private dance himself (when asked why, he said what's the point?!) but he is convinced nothing 'goes on' in at least the clubs he has been to.

I too have known a lot of girls who work in lap dancing clubs and as far as they are concerned, nothing goes on in the places where they work either.

not that I think LeQueen needs any assistance at all as she sounds like an intelligent, funny and compassionate woman....

AF...seriously WTF is with your attitude towards certain posters. I understand you have strong opinions on this...and many subjects but how can you imagine that speaking to another peson like they are a twat is acceptable.

perhaps the fact she is showing you to be a rather naive and shallow person, is causing you to mislay yours?

just rude and makes you look nasty