to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

"mummee - I'm still interested to know, if you don't mind, how exactly our DP's ex stopped him from doing a range of activities"

of course i dont mind!

because she would give him so much hassle over it that in the end he decided it wasn't worth the earache. and just kind of gave up in the end for a quiet life.

she would also put him down by telling him he was shit at things he liked doing ie football and playing drums in a band. (and he is neither, he was a good footballer and he is an amazing drummer)

as an aside, she would also constantly chip away at his confidence and self esteem by saying he was fat and things like that she would also hit him and throw things at him.

if a man did all that to a woman it would be called domestic abuse.

LeQueen, if you really want to master it, then you have to start having a blazing row everytime he does it. In the end he will start feeling that it is not worth all of the grief, so he will start tip toeing around instead of crashing around. I expect mummee09v's DP's ex-partner used to nag him and cause a scene if he wanted to do things that she didn't approve of. The danger with that type of behaviour is that the relationship can suffer. I think mummee09v doesn't want to unnecessarily cause the same thing to happen. It's only worth creating an issue over things she feels strongly about. There is no point in phyrrhic victories.

Mummee - I seem to recall that you met when you were both in a band - that same band that you're now saying his wife wouldn't let him be a part of .

And sorry, given that you have posted on here before that you hate his exW and feel uncontrollably jealous of the life he had with her before, I think you're being disingenuous when you say you don't want to "get one up one her".

I think that's the problem here. You've said you have an ethical objection to LD clubs and think they degrade women - yet you suppressed these perfectly valid feelings and gave the opposite impression to your DP because you wanted to appear "cool" and evidently, unlike his wife.

I'm sorry if you feel that every time you post about your problems, I come on to remind you and others of your back story, but when ever you post about affairs, your jealousy - even your problems making friends with other women, it all comes back to the same thing. You are so desperately trying to compete with other women - even an ex-wife who seems to be regularly painted on here as the devil incarnate - that I want you to really examine why you have become this way.

Landscaping club, for xssst sake, kept reading the thread title as "...Landscaping club..."
Was thinking- what a nice man, likes landscaping....8blush]

WhenwillIfeelnormal, I think your posts are insulting to mummee09v. I think they are very intrusive and I doubt it is true that "when ever you post about affairs, your jealousy - even your problems making friends with other women, it all comes back to the same thing". I think mummee09v is entitled to make posts without having personal relationship issues dragged up for everybody's attention.

I'm glad you've said that claig. I too feel uncomfortable about the way the OP's previous posts on other threads are being brought into this discussion. OK, it's all stuff in the public domain, but it still doesn't sit well with me.

WWIFN - i dont know why i should have to explain myself to you but i am going to anyway!

the band she stopped him being in was the one he was in for years before he met her. he tried to carry on with it but as i said, she nagged him so much that it just was not worth the hassle.

and yes - he was in a band with me but that was towards the end of his relationship with his ex. she didn't like him being in that one either, not one little bit. but by then he decided that enough was enough and he was going to do what HE wanted to do for a change. and not only did he start the band, he also started seeing his friends again and getting out and about.

before we even met he was already making plans to end the relationship. i was only seeing him a matter of weeks, and it was very casual, we weren't even sleeping together, before he decided to end it for good with his ex. so i wasn't seeing him for very long before he split up, in fact we only got together "properly" once he had become single.

WWIFN - having seen some of your posts too i understand that infidelity and affairs are a sore subject with you as you have been through it with your OH and come out the other side, am i right? and it is great if you have managed to forgive your OH and you are both happy now.

but please do not demonise me for the way i got together with my DP - yes it was messy but relationships sometimes overlap, its life, some people's marriages are over and they fall in love with someone else, and some people have affairs that mean nothing and then are able to end the affair and return to their marriage, everyone is different.

"OP - no problem, let's crank your self esteem up a few notches, shall we? So, sit up, stop scratching, and pay attention...remember, I shall be asking questions afterwards!

Presumably you think your DH is a pretty fantastic bloke, right? You say what a great Dad he is? And, that he's very loving and affectionate? He sounds like quite a catch to me? So, presumably he could have taken his pick from many young laydees? But, and this is the important bit...He. Picked. You! Ergo, you must be pretty damned special and quite a catch yourself. Just keep reminding yourself of that fact, every day.

Simples..."

Lequeen

just seen this post thank you x

at lap top club and landscaping club.

mummee...have you had any thoughts at all regarding the way you are trying to trick your DP into thinking you are "cool" with him paying for a sexual display ?

because you are not cool with it...your OP said you weren't...remember ?

has this thread made you change your approach at all ?

are you going to tell him the truth now ?

I saw that white lie you told, LeQ

I was waiting until you 'fessed up, you rotter

don't blame your fickness on me

Glad to see you're still alive, SF

My theory is that LeQ and spouse are in fact Terry and June.