to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

I try not to let DH go into PC World.

It's not pretty.

(In addition to being a computer wotsit, he was brought up in South Africa and by nature does not suffer fools gladly. It's a scary combo, frankly)

leQ - your post on your convo with MrQ provided a moment of real humour there for me on an otherwise depressing thread

Is AF still here or has she passed out from all the wine?

I've enjoyed seeing male strippers in my time, and don't love my DH any less cos I take some pleasure from LOOKING AT lithe, young, handsome male bodies. So not sure it should be any different for men??? If it's more about whether they'd take it further, well that's where trust comes in. But if DH had been going to a lapdancing club for his stag night, I wouldn't have batted an eyelid .

instead of Ctrl-F just do "Edit->Find on this page" at top menu

Thanks Claig - this method has worked. I think perhaps the ctrl f didn't work because I am on a mac.

look, morals aside, op hates the idea and is pretending she doesn't in order to win/keep her dp's approval
op to your question yanbu to not want him to go, if this is how you feel
yabu to pretend otherwise
I'd be sceptical of the way he demonises his ex, also

apparently for next time on the Mac it is "Cmd F"

Yanbu
You have every right to have certain expectations from your boyfriend. You really should be honest about your true feelings, That would be a better "test" of his respect for your feelings. If he resented his ex only for her not wanting him to go to a strip bar, then there were deeper issues than he thinks.
She probably didn't want him to go anywhere, was jealous or possessive. You don't sound like you are, but you have every right to have your own values, morals and integrity.

Being cool is being strong and confident enough to say what you really mean.
That is not being controlling. That is saying that you are not comfortable with this and it although you won't stop him, you want hi to know you do not like it.

Hi Mummee
I must admit I am of the LeQueen / ABetaDad school of thought here. You can spend a lot of time getting very worried about this when, if your man is a quality man, it probably won't be an issue.

One thing that no-one seems to have suggested on MN yet is to ask your partner about how HE feels about this visit. You never know, he might be dreading it too. The idea of visiting a strip club may have just been raised among his friends as a kind of joke, or it may be something that's been put out there just to get the wives/girlfriends wound up. Just ask him if it's something he thinks they may actually end up doing and how he feels about it. Then just nod and accept his answers. His response will give you a lot of clues about his character.

BTW if he regularly berates his ex for being controlling or difficult you might want to look a bit deeper into that. That's usually a Man-Boy red flag being waved in your face.

Agree with Kiwiinkits about the red flag bit.

Don't know why a man would think it was fun or funny to get 'the wife' or 'the gf' wound up about something like this though.

And if it's an issue with you, it's an issue. Don't let anyone tell you you have some sort of insecurity or to get over yourself. That is bullying. Essentially you are being told that your feelings about something that is important to you are going to be run over with a tank and you can do nothing about it. Get resented if he doesn't go, get over yourself if he does -- where's the respect for you there?

I also think if your man has said to you he resents his ex for stopping him from doing stuff like the lapdancing, he needs to start wondering why there are now two women he has experience of being in a relationship with who are opposed to this sort of immature laddish adventure, or does he really think everyone is out of step except him?

In other words, the real problem is his problem with you having an opinion.

Im sorry but a family man going to one of these places 'for fun' and spending money on seeing other women naked is a real twat- lets be honest here.

And as for 'well my DH/DP/friend says this happens...' sounds like some women on here have been well and truly brainwashed.

And yes I have been in a LD club, some of the girls dancing looked like they came straight from the nearest sink estate- if my DH ever paid to see such filthy pieces of meat I would seriously wonder why I was with him.

It would change for me the moment he wanted to pay a tenner to enter a LD club...fortunatley my husband's brain isn't situated in his gonads!

Its the whole idea of paying to see women parading around for mens enjoyment that makes me think the man must be a sexist disrespectful twerp- no idea why like

Why why why why WHYYYY though does a man NEED to pay money to see 'a pretty woman doing a bump and grind' in front of him though unless he has zero respect for women and views them as a piece of meat for his own gratification?

Makes me glad im a golf widow tbh...

Tbh you both sound like you have very little self worth and self respect in your relationship...its a pity you are so blazé about it.

Sorry LQ I got the impression your DH did it as a regular thing- my bad