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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

1005 replies

mummee09v · 28/03/2010 12:49

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

OP posts:
MillyR · 28/03/2010 22:56

I don't know what paging is or how to turn it off. I feel my idiocy is adding to the despair on this thread.

StayFrosty · 28/03/2010 22:58

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BitOfFun · 28/03/2010 22:59

Top of first page, Milly- there is a link on the top right of the OP to show all pages. Try that?

LeQueen · 28/03/2010 22:59

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BitOfFun · 28/03/2010 23:00

StayFrosty- stay with us, really

LeQueen · 28/03/2010 23:00

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HarderToKidnap · 28/03/2010 23:00

This thread has been a real eye opener for me.

I honestly couldn't give a shit about my husband going into a lapdancing club. To my knowledge he has been in these clubs three times in ten years, all on stag dos. I don't have a moral stance on them - I disagree with women being forced to work in the sex industry but saw this as a different issue to the existence of lap dancing clubs. (Actually I think strip clubs and brothels should be licensed and regulated, but anyway...)

Just asked my hub if he thinks strip clubs are degrading to women - he said yes! And that he hates going in them and the last stag he went to a couple of weeks ago he stayed five minutes then went in the bar next door. I had no idea he would see it like this, thought he would see it as a bit of harmless fun, but no, actually he totally hates them. He also said he won't go to one again, unless it is a burlesque type club which he says is a good night out.

Completely surprised me.

HarderToKidnap · 28/03/2010 23:00

Woops. essay posted twice.

BitOfFun · 28/03/2010 23:01

I know, Harder, you said...

BattyKoda · 28/03/2010 23:03

Let me just make myself clear - I do not object to my DP going to a lapdancing club, because we are clear on our boundaries and we trust each other. I would object to him paying to have a private dance (without me there). That would be crossing a boundary.

I am also under no illusion that my DP doesn't find any other woman attractive/a turn on than me. Whether they be half naked up a pole, or in the freezer aisle in Tesco.

BattyKoda · 28/03/2010 23:05

It's 50% humdrum, 47% madras, 3% titilation.

Quattrocento · 28/03/2010 23:07

And 100% vulgar, sexist, downmarket, seedy and revolting.

LeQueen · 28/03/2010 23:09

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dittany · 28/03/2010 23:11

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Scrudd · 28/03/2010 23:12

I wonder if his skirting of the issues were a cover, LeQ? Or does he always go off on a tangent?

houseworkhater · 28/03/2010 23:13

Op-It sounds like it is really bothering you so therefore there IS a problem.

Agree about the very seedy side, believe me SOME of these women do accept payments for, shall we call it "other services".

I am concerned that his ex prevented him from doing things which he enjoyed-what exactly does he mean by that. To me it sounds quite extreme that they would have to split up over it.

All in all if I were in your shoes I wouldn't be very happy about it.

dittany · 28/03/2010 23:14

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BattyKoda · 28/03/2010 23:15

dittany - my DP hasn't been to a strip club for at least 2 years, so I'm not trying to justify anything.

LeQueen · 28/03/2010 23:15

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BattyKoda · 28/03/2010 23:16

Well if he's not sure... he couldn't have been paying that much attention could he?!

samstown · 28/03/2010 23:17

Actually dittany the question she asked was 'did ANYONE have a private dance', not specifically him. He replied 'dont think so'.

LeQueen · 28/03/2010 23:17

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Scrudd · 28/03/2010 23:17

As an aside, I have a friend who's partner can wax lyrical about computers for so long that it drives my friend to distraction.

She was once to sick of listening to it (and he was following her around the house to continue the 'story') that she climbed into the airing cupboard and shut the door behind her. He still carried on talking.

LeQueen · 28/03/2010 23:19

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Shodan · 28/03/2010 23:26

Tsk, LeQueen. You obviously haven't perfected your response.

After approx 2 minutes of 'customer interfacing with the fools at QuersoNet who wouldn't understand a KumquatNibByte if it jumped up and bit them on the EXOP FlangePoke' I say 'Oh dear. My eyes just glazed over. Are you talking about netball?'. DH Takes The Hint and shuts up.

It's either that or he has to stnd up and allow himself to be practiced on with the latest karate stuff.

He knows when he's well off.

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