to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

ABD knows I love him and his helpful advice on denim skirts , but really, I had to tell him off for that post.

BOF

GLad to see youre still fighting the corner AF
I had to leave the thread for a while as it get sme down

Had an interesting conversation with DH today about how so many times its stag dos that go to these places. Now surely a stag do is part of the rituals and celebrations of two people about to get married. So why the hell is there the need to then go out and find someone else who will rub their muff in your face. If you wanted someone else to do that surely you do it before you decide you want to commit to one person.

hi bronze < squeeze >

I forgive ABD that post, actually

I think he means well...its the sorta thing my lovely, if slightly misguided, DH would say

BitOfFun - I do indeed recall you were the first person ever to tell me off on MN. I still cherish that moment.

AnyFucker - I know you feel strongly in the same way my DW would. Does not seem complicated to me.

LeQ...you still haven't read wwifn's extra insight on this particular Op, have ya ?

no, LeQ

I give up on you

< pouts >

LeQ, can't you see that there's a difference between seeing an attractive man or woman on the street/at the supermarket/going about their daily business and paying a woman to gyrate naked (or almost) in front of you? Not comparable at all.

Reminds me of the charming anecdote told by Tom Jones: ?A woman grabbed me round the neck and cried and moaned and jumped all over me. Her husband just looked up at me and said, ?Don?t worry - you pump the tires, I?ll ride the bike.??

Yuck yuck yuck

'degrading to the poor woman stuck at home as it is to the woman who has been pressurised into performing in the first place.'

'been groping somebody's teenage daughter with plastic tits ?'

Come off it pressurised, groping, teenage

Do you not think you are completley over dramatising this? It's a bloke on a stag night going out to get pissed with his mates, he's not sneaking out to a brothel.

If your not, then you've obviously been visiting very different clubs to what I have.

(and thank you dandylioness for clarifying the origin of the 'fluffed up' term, you could have easily ran with that...

LeQ- you press Ctrl and F at the same time- a little box pops up in the top left, and you type the word you are looking for (whenwillifeelnormal), then hit Return. It is a revelation.

YANBU. Decent blokes don't go to lapdancing clubs IMO. It's sexist. And you shouldn't feel guilty about making your feelings plain.

My cousin used to work behind the bar of Spearmint Rhino, well that's what she told us anyway, but her expert opinion was by the time most average blokes are pissed enough to have the courage to walk into one of those places, they usually sit down, order a drink and fall asleep.

this ctrl F thing isn't happening for me either.

I know Stayfrosty - I'm feeling a bit suicidal myself.

This thread has been a real eye opener for me.

I honestly couldn't give a shit about my husband going into a lapdancing club. To my knowledge he has been in these clubs three times in ten years, all on stag dos. I don't have a moral stance on them - I disagree with women being forced to work in the sex industry but saw this as a different issue to the existence of lap dancing clubs. (Actually I think strip clubs and brothels should be licensed and regulated, but anyway...)

Just asked my hub if he thinks strip clubs are degrading to women - he said yes! And that he hates going in them and the last stag he went to a couple of weeks ago he stayed five minutes then went in the bar next door. I had no idea he would see it like this, thought he would see it as a bit of harmless fun, but no, actually he totally hates them. He also said he won't go to one again, unless it is a burlesque type club which he says is a good night out.

Completely surprised me.