to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

LeQueen- you don't have an issue with it personally, obviously.

But there is a wider ethical question.

Lap dancing clubs encourage their customers and wider society to see women as sex-objects. They reinforce the idea that women are always sexually available as long as you've got a bit of cash to spare. In the wider context of a society in which men hold most positions of power and one-in-four women experience rape or sexual assault at some point, and all those bad things, blah blah blah...well, it doesn't take a genius to see that just shrugging the whole thing off because it doesn't bother you personally is a little bit short-sighted.

When I talk about dancers I am talking about the ones in pop videos that where next to nothing and are really showing everything bar their nipples and wear skimpy hotpants. Not those who are highly trained. Anyway, I did miss that part of the argument so I won't go back there.

I would like to point out that once LarryGrylls has had his dinner with a client, he is not going to want to go out for a curry! It is called double eating and he would be the size of a house if he did that.

LeQ...I suspect you haven't read the whole thread

or are you a "cool" wife, too ?

To argue that this boils down to security is wildly arrogant. Fucking hell if the argument pivots on how attractive we are BoF would let her husband make porn and not care!!! (sorry BoF).

OP if you don't like it you should tell your DP.

How on earth do you stay so slim then?

AIBU to be getting a tad sick of the plethora of tales of tragic abusive childhoods or am I being callous? the last time I went to WHSmith,there was an entire section dedicated to "tragic life stories" Iknow all these people have been through hell but it feels though there's a rather unhealthy competitivess over who can caim "the worst childhood ever"Iknow nobody forces anyone to read them but AIBU to think that avid readers of this genre are a bit odd?

Gosh I wish I knew some of you in RL. I have good friends who I would normally think of as intelligent women, get very excited at the thought pole dancing lessons as a fun night out. They look at me as if I am from out of space when I complain about Nuts magazines alongside kids mags. I feel like I am banging my head against a brick wall and feel so alone. AF, Dittany, Kittycat, MillyR and BOF and all of the others who have been speaking sense on this thread, thankyou!

OP you are so wide from the mark of "cool" at the moment. I don't say that to be cruel. I really hope some of this has got through to you.

sorry wrong place

so LeQ, although in other respects you seem an intelligent woman , you have no objections on an ethical level at all ?

because I don't think my DH would run off with a lapdancer, and I also don't think he would start frenziedly paying for BJ's the minute he walked through the door either...

but, you see, we have a teenage daughter

and we have principles

you see ?

say no more

LeQueen - did you read WhenwillIfeelnormal's post about the OP? It's not quite as simplistic as you're making out.

Even if she doesn't give a monkey's about the wider issues, surely she's still entitled to tell her OH she's uncomfortable about something and have him listen to that?

Try as I might, I couldn't get work up about my DH going to a lapdance club either (as least from the aspect of looking at naked women; I do, personally give a monkey's about the wider issues, though ) - but that doesn't stop me from realising that while I might be OK with something, it doesn't follow that everyone else should be too.

AF there's lots of things in life that some people care about and others don't. It doesn't make them bad people. You clearly feel very strongly about this but I for one don't. I don't think you are overreacting to a scary level any more than it makes me unprincipled. I really don't.