to not want DP to go in a lapdancing club on his mates stag do?

[mummee09v]

my dp is off on a stag night in a couple of months. its just a load of mates going out in town but there has been talk about them going in lapdancing bars.

i have laughed it off to my dp and tried to be the cool girlfriend about it and made out i couldnt care less as i dont want to seem controlling or jealous. i have even said i dont care if he has a private dance! because i want to come across as cool, as i know his ex used to stop him doing things and i dont want to be like that as he really resented her for it.

but i HATE the idea of it and know i will be furious if he does end up in one. the thought of him ogling some naked girl/s who will probably be a)younger then me b)prettier than me and c)have a better body than me (i have had 2 kids, say no more) kills me....i know that it would only be a laugh for them and nothing would happen other than them looking at the girls but i would be so jealous, coz how could he not compare their young fit bodies to my 30 year old, had-2-kids body?

so i am kind of testing him in a way by saying i dont care, and "allowing" him to go in one, but surely if he loved and fancied me as much as he says he does he wouldnt need to go look at sexy young girls?

also the stag's bride is my best friend (in fact i will be on her hen do the same night) and i know for a fact she would go nuts if she found out her husband to be had been in one as we have already spoken about it and she has the same insecurities as me.

I was going to mention WhenWillIFeelNormal's post too- that, coupled with the OP's insistance on her capacity for sexual acrobatics, suggests to me that she feels like she has to try very very hard to keep her husband's good opinion of her. It is not a situation I envy- it sounds exhausting.

Op - you really need to tell him if you are not happy with him going, he's not a mind reader and your setting yourself up for a fall.

I actually don't see the problem with it, if you have enough trust in your relationship. I'd have no problem with my DP going, he loves me, and is faithful, end of. Also, if you start to put limits on what your DP can and can't do, where does it end? 'No I'd rather you didn't go to that pub becuase there's a girl thats prettier than me behind the bar...' Issues like this are down to insecurities, it's all about dealing with the root of the problem, not the side effects.

Registering attractive women in the mind's eye, and taking in naked women's anatomy close-up via the actual eye are two quite different things, no?

Again, just because you and I are OK with it, it doesn't follow that everyone should be.

If he was going on his own for the sole purpose of getting a vagina rubbed in his face then I probably would be a little but if he was out on a stag night (probably dressed up and looking like an idiot) then it's slightly different, IMO anyway.

Jellyjealous you claim to work in the industry but then say you just dance...I've been to a private members lap dancing club. It was very very expensive, the girls were stunning, there was a no touching rule which was rigidly enforced...in the main body of the club. Then there was a room in the back that the members could go to pick their girl for a shag. You are kidding yourself or kidding us.

It is a cover for prostitution. At best it's tacky at worst its corrupt and exploitative.

As others have said, if you are uncomfortable then tell your DP, he should respect your feelings. It's not uncool, but it's very uncool to go with it when you don't like it.

BattyKoda - it goes the other way too, you know.

If you have to be OK about lapdancing clubs, where does it end? You have to be OK with him getting a pivate dance? With paying for a sex act? Will full-blown sex with another person?

We all have our own personal boundaries, and they're bound to differ from the next person's.

I don't know how many times I have to say it! Just because you're (generic) OK with something, it doesn't mean someone else should be, too.

Ctrl+F and the poster's name should bring it up, LeQ.

'It is a cover for prostitution' - I don't think that can't be applied to all lapdancing clubs. A small percentage perhaps. The majority are clubs, with lapdancers, not brothels.

5dollarshake - I didn't say thats how everyone should be? I said I personally? Sex with another person, for me would be unacceptable, as it would be for most. But going to a strip club on a pissed up stag do doesn't bother me in the slightest.

DandyLioness - because it's a bit of fun? You probably wouldn't catch a bloke going paintballing/go carting/whatever on his own either, but it's what they do on a 'stag do'.

You don't have to have a wank, just stare at some girls gyrating.

Batty - that's my point. You're OK with your OH going to lapdance club - well, good for you! But your earlier post was implying that the OP should be too, by saying that putting limits on what he can and can't do is Not A Good Thing.

Why can't people accept that while THEY might be OK with something, it doesn't follow that everyone else should have exactly the same cut-off points and boundaries?

It is OK to not want your OH to go to lapdancing clubs. Even if other people don't have a problem with it. You don't have to chill out or loosen up or get over it or just not worry, if you don't want to.

Triggered by this thread, I just asked DH how often he went to a LD bar. He reminded me of a time he was out with some colleagues and clients and one of the client was really into LP clubs.
The client gave each guy 20 quid for a private dance. DH and his mate took the money and ditched the group to go to the pub next door. Apparently the client was not happy and wanted his money back!
Agree wholeheartedly with AF.

I'd be against my (admittedly currently non existent) DH/P going to a lap dancing club because it objectifies and degrades women.

I also have a teenage daughter and wouldn't like her to dance in these clubs.

I was not telling the OP what not to and what to do, I was giving my opinion on it.... My opinion is that if you put limits on what your other half can/can't do it is Not A Good Thing, that is my opinion, and I am expressing it on a public forum...

My direct advice to the OP was to tell her DP that she isn't happy wiht him going.... I think you are mis reading what I am typing...

DandyLioness - hopefully he'd come home fluffed up - he would, after all, be getting into bed with me

brigitte, thank you

I was getting a bit demoralised there

LeQ...read wwifn's post o this thread

and then tell me she should be ok with her dp going to lapdancing clubs

I prefer not to sub-contract when it comes to getting 'in the mood'- it's a bit ewwwww

batty...don't be so fucking idiotic

your dp comes home from a lapdancing club "fluffed up" and climbs in to bed with you

and you give a cheeky

fluffed up ?

do you mean with a raging hard-on, because he has been groping somebody's teenage daughter with plastic tits ?

and then he relieves it ? in you ?

what are you saying ?

are you sure you know what you are saying ?

BOF..it's not just me is it ?

please tell..it's not just me...

i have two boys and if i found out any of them went to a lapdancing club i would bust their balls

"fluffed up"

fucking hell...