to be questioning my entire life plan because I read Stephen Biddulph's Raising Babies?

[mrsbean78]

I'm posting this on AIBU because I want to canvass a diverse range of opinions - and because I haven't decided what I think myself.

I have a four month old boy and am in the process of finalising childcare/my return to work arrangements (due to heavy demand in our area).

I've been bothered about my choice (a daycare nursery) since day one, and am going to look into other options before committing and would prefer a childminder.

However, today at the library I spotted the 'Raising Babies' book and as the little man was napping, skim read quite a bit of it.

Wishing I hadn't. So much of it made sense.. it's common sense that a parent will stimulate and respond to a baby more than even the very best childcare worker on a ratio of 1:3, or even 1:1. Amaxing how I never thought of this before!

Just wondering if anyone here read it and threw it in the bin in disgust (and why) OR read it and promptly rearranged their lives naccordingly (and why) OR "other" (and why)?

Just resurrecting this thread to thank everyone for the contributions.. I headed on holidays in the middle of it, fully expecting to re-engage via laptop there, to find there was no broadband. Shock! Horror!

While away, I made the decision to delay my return to work until he is at least one year old and put a great deal more effort into choosing childcare vs simply choosing the most local. Delaying my return will also buy a bit more time to choose childcare.

I think Biddulph's message is unpalatable because it is frightening, emotive and at points, vaguely hysterical. I don't believe it's a given that children in full-time day care are going to have mental health problems as a result of that care... however, I do know from my own work that social communication difficulties have increased hugely in children, and a very great proportion of these are not related to developmental disorders (e.g. autism).

I assess kids as part of a team considering differential diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Conditions and we don't diagnose a great many children because it's clear that they don't meet the criteria for ASC in the slightest.. but they do have substantial and significant social communication difficulties of a non-autie type (often emotional/behavioural/attachment).

I really, really don't know if this has anything to do with childcare in the early years and I suspect that would be far too simplistic an explanation. On the other hand, I do think there's at least some validity to Biddulph's idea that nursery and daycare can't provide the same developmental opportunities as a loving parent. The emphasis is different when you're a carer.. I did a lot of au pair work as a teen/young adult and I know that my overriding concern was to keep the kids quiet and happy and 'playing independently' so I could get the housework done. As a parent, I have the same wish but I will still prioritise responding to my baby if he starts to grumble or whine (hazard of being a speech therapist, too). Similarly, the joy I get (and convey to him) from his little quirks just doesn't match the response I would have given to the children I worked with when they were 'being cute'.

I can see what he's saying and although I feel the evidence isn't conclusive, I'm not too excited about experimenting on my own wee man.