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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

My SIL has a filthy house and her children are always smelly

127 replies

OprahWinfrey · 23/03/2010 23:18

Yes, I know I might get slaughtered on here. But here I go anyway.

SIL's children are always wearing dirty clothes and smell of stale food. Her house is absolutely filthy and smells. She is very overweight and her daughter is suffering from obesity now. (11) I feel quite sorry for my brother as he likes bringing them round to visit us. On saturday I took my niece and nephew (11,12) out and SIL sent them round with clothes that stank. I knew why people moved away from them while we were out. I found out that the kids hadn't had a wash for weeks (they said!!)

The kids love it round mine and have planned to come and stay during the easter hols. I am embarrassed to take them out as their appearance is appalling. Manners are non-existent. They swear at each other and are extremely disrespectful in public. One of them smelt of pee (I am not making this up!) Can I say something, nicely, to SIL.......... or AIBU?

OP posts:

coldtits · 23/03/2010 23:21

Why are you targeting your SIL? Target your brother, presumably he is their dad? It would be easier to raise this with him than her.

you must raise it though,

JaneS · 23/03/2010 23:21

Well, what do you want to do? I don't really see a conflict here - what do you think you are/aren't being unreasonable about?

TheCrackFox · 23/03/2010 23:22

I take it that they are your brother's children? If so you need to speak to him as it is equally his problem too. I feel sad for the children smelling often leads to social isolation at school. It can't be much fun for them.

LauraIngallsWilder · 23/03/2010 23:22

Hi Oprah

I have aquaintances like this (apart from the obesity) - tis very difficult to deal with

Although I get on great with them I cant bear to be in the same room with them for long (especially my own house or worse theirs) as to be frank they smell.

And I have never ever seen any of their 4 girls with brushed hair.

Tis rank I agree

I would definately say something if I was in your position (I havent in mine because luckily I can take steps to avoid them)

I feel sorry for the kids though

HellBent · 23/03/2010 23:23

Agree with Coldtits, assuming they live together dad is as responsible. At 11 and 12 they can surely wash and keep themselves clean throughout the day?

piprabbit · 23/03/2010 23:23

What does your brother think about this? Why isn't he doing something to tackle this problem himself (I'm assuming he must be aware if it's as bad as you say).

At 11 and 12 the children are old enough to learn to take responsibility for their own hygiene and laundry, so maybe you can give them some guidance while they are staying with you.
If you could instill some pride in the children, and then have word with your brother about the routines they have been using while staying with you it might get things moving in the right direction.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 23/03/2010 23:24

Yes, I don't understand why you feel sorry for your brother. Can he not do a load of laundry and run a bath? Has he, perhaps, no arms?

I'm also not really sure why an 11 and 12 year old can't wash themselves.

DuelingFanjo · 23/03/2010 23:25

speak to your brother.

rasputin · 23/03/2010 23:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheCrackFox · 23/03/2010 23:26

"At 11 and 12 the children are old enough to learn to take responsibility for their own hygiene and laundry, so maybe you can give them some guidance while they are staying with you."

Good point, Piprabbit, if their parents don't care enough to set an example they will never learn how to wash themselves or their clothes. I think Oprah might have to intervene and be the kind Auntie and show these poor children how to care for themselves.

HellBent · 23/03/2010 23:31

You could take them out for some toiletries while they are with you, they will be going through puberty soon - if not already - and will get slaughtered at school. I bet we can all name the smelly kids from school right?

lequeensimaginaryfriend · 23/03/2010 23:33

Are they working class by any chance?

If so, dunk them in a L'Occitane rosewater dip (industrial strength) before going out.

If they give you any gyp in Pizza Hut, march them straight out, making it clear you will not be stopping by Game on the way home.

Do that once and mark my words they will be eating out of your hands foreverafter.

Though you might not want the disgusting little tykes to do that.

RonaldMcDonald · 23/03/2010 23:39

love it, love it, love it
fat tick
child obesity tick
poorly mannered tick
cleaning obsession tick
poorly placed familial pity tick
hatred of woman fucking your brother tick

get a life

mathanxiety · 23/03/2010 23:41

Are they working class by any chance?

rasputin · 23/03/2010 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RonaldMcDonald · 23/03/2010 23:41

btw totally disagree lequeen
ime working class individuals have spotless homes and scrubbed children
more often it is the grubby middle or in fact upper classes letting the side down

I'd suggest that Oprah is jealous of her higher class fat, stinky and loving it, carefree sil

StayFrosty · 23/03/2010 23:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LauraIngallsWilder · 23/03/2010 23:49

Why assume the op is making this up?
Do you have reason from other threads she has posted on to assume she is lying/trolling?

I know several families that are as OW describes - one in particular as I posted earlier who dont appear to wash

Ronald and lequeen I am far more by your rudeness by the op (even if her op isnt true) - your posts are worse sorry

HellBent · 23/03/2010 23:53

Could be made up, I was surprised OP's username wasn't already taken by someone else, and has a lot of moans about SIL's from what I remember

RonaldMcDonald · 23/03/2010 23:53

sorry to offend Laura but tbh the obvious answer, if any of it were true, is that she would have mentioned it to her brother many, many moons ago

Just too many buzz words and phrases and a total lack of culpability for the brother of course to top it all
No doubt brother is pristine and slim also

agree much more difficult if you don't have any dirty "vested" interest though

HellBent · 23/03/2010 23:54

Does last post make sense? I meant her user name stuck out to me and I remember a few threads about her SIL's, but I think they were babies

hmc · 23/03/2010 23:56

It is quite possible to have more than one SIL

IMoveTheStars · 23/03/2010 23:58

Tripp Trapp

I remember a family at school that were from a very poor family. All girls. I knew three of them (one in year above, one in mine, and one in year below) and they were really sweet girls, but so quiet. They did smell they always had greasy hair and dirty clothes and got bullied to hell about it.

feel so bad for them

wastwinsetandpearls · 23/03/2010 23:58

I am working class, my house is a tip and my feet are dirty if that is at all relevant. I have never scrubbed a step. I am however fat. Infact I have just been marking exam scripts and my belly got in the way.

I think you should take this up with your brother. If my sisters thought my daughter was running feral they would take it up with me not moan about dp.

I can remember the SIL with the rocking horse and the SIL and the nintendo WII.

wastwinsetandpearls · 24/03/2010 00:00

On previous threads SIL is a single mum, do you not like either SIL or is this the same one?

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