to think that sexual exploration between an (10 yr old) brother and (5 year old) sister is inappropriate?

[onemissing]

Hi all

My 5 year old daughter had a (girl)friend to stay last night and they shared a bed on the floor. I overheard them chatting and her (also 5 yr old) friend suggested my daughter took her pyjama bottoms off and that they rub themselves together.

She went on to say that she does it with her brother (who is 10) and that it makes your tummy tingle and is "like kissing a handsome boy". She said "If you don't want to, just tell me", to which my daughter said "I don't want to, do it with your brother' (!).

I didn't say or do anything, because I was satisfied that my daughter had been clear about her boundaries, and this had been respected. However,I do feel concerned about what's going on with this little girl and her brother, particularly as there is a 5 year age gap.

The brother has been involved in a couple of other incidences which I know about of being overly sexual, once with a much younger girl. Him and his sister share a bedroom.

He is a very sweet and sensitive boy, but quite anxious and troubled, and I wonder how all this fits in with that.

I feel I'm going to have to talk to their mum (a good friend) about what was said, but she can be quite heavy handed with her kids and I'm a bit worried about how sensitively (or otherwise) she'd deal with it.

What to do?

i have no idea where my step brother is any more so i couldnt tell anyone where thay are likely to find him. I dont even know if he is alive TBH....but thanks for info.

I would of thought a name and last known info would be enough for them to look at, should you wish to persue it.

Well done Onemissing! and good choice on ringing StopIt, certainly more clued in that particular subject than the NSPCC.

carrieboo75 - that new system sounds a bit dodgy. Surely you can't just accuse someone of something and it gets recorded for others to look at?

Thank you op for letting us know what happened, I'm sure you could tell that we were all concerned about what was going on. I'm glad you have shown discretion though and not told us details, it would be unfortunate to say the least should somebody who is involved in this find out this way.

I do hope it works out well for the children involved.

Oh thank God

thanks for the reminder toldyouso...
I think i have reached the stage in my life where i could discuss it publicly because if it jelped to save just one more innocent child it would be worth it.

I know it is a totally open forum and i guess thats why i feel more able to open up the wounds. Maybe he couldnt hide behind his pseudo religion if he wa found out.
( sorry if i sound a little bitter,but it has been an uphill road to recovery and taken away so many pleasures i life)
From my stepbrothers point of view, i wouldnt mind if he was named and shamed as his children believe i am not a good aunty because i have never been able to maintain contact with them. They just believe i am the 'depressed/mad' aunty who had a breakdown. They dont even know the reason why i became so ill and in my heart i would love to have some reassurance thet he never touched his own daughter...as i am really unsure.

Just on a positive note...i am ok,but can sometimes feel myself falling backwards into the mellee again. Fortunately having been at rock bottom once before ,i know the signs now.

Thankyou all for your kind words and hugs.

Schilke - The idea is that everything is recorded and a picture of the person can build up. So if there are things that ring alarm bells they can be checked out and the person can be interviewed. The info will not be passed on to the work place they just get a yes or no answer as to whether the person is safe to work with children. Where as the current system is only accurate the day it is checked the new system will work in real time so should anything happen the work place will be told straight away that the answer has changed to not safe. In the case of false alegations it should help because currently alegations appear on the crb and leave a black mark against the person even when they are dismissed because the employer sees the alegations but not the explanations. The ISA will review the info (a group of profesionals) and a safe or not safe decision will be made and that is all the employer will be told. There are currently carers and youth workers etc. who by the nature of their job are targets for acusations who can't work in that field as they have a number of accusations against their name even though they have done nothing except be caring enough to work with the hardest children. The ISA will be able to look at the allegations see there was no case and give their future employers the yes answer, without the black cloud following them. On the other side of the coin there are people working with children that have past spent offences/allegations that are cause for concern and or info provided by people that chose not to take it further and so can't be used under the crb system, with the new system the ISA can review it all (regardless of how far back it goes) and make an informed decision as to whether the person poses a risk.

When I first saw it all I was as shoked as you but the more I have learnt it does seem like it will be more accurate. Like anything though untill it comes into play it's effectiveness can not be properly judged.

Thanks for explaining that carrieboo75 - it does sound much better.

My dh works one to one with children and he worries about false accusations ever since a parent, who refused to pay an invoice, accused him of verbally abusing his daughter. Of course this was not true and the parent never officially complained - he used it as a threat in order not to pay. My dh went straight to the school with what he'd said about him so the tables were turned.

this is highly inappropriate especially as the brother is heading to puberty and could lead to higher levels of incest.

NSPCC or Childline are good starting points.