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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think that sexual exploration between an (10 yr old) brother and (5 year old) sister is inappropriate?

136 replies

onemissing · 14/03/2010 21:16

Hi all

My 5 year old daughter had a (girl)friend to stay last night and they shared a bed on the floor. I overheard them chatting and her (also 5 yr old) friend suggested my daughter took her pyjama bottoms off and that they rub themselves together.

She went on to say that she does it with her brother (who is 10) and that it makes your tummy tingle and is "like kissing a handsome boy". She said "If you don't want to, just tell me", to which my daughter said "I don't want to, do it with your brother' (!).

I didn't say or do anything, because I was satisfied that my daughter had been clear about her boundaries, and this had been respected. However,I do feel concerned about what's going on with this little girl and her brother, particularly as there is a 5 year age gap.

The brother has been involved in a couple of other incidences which I know about of being overly sexual, once with a much younger girl. Him and his sister share a bedroom.

He is a very sweet and sensitive boy, but quite anxious and troubled, and I wonder how all this fits in with that.

I feel I'm going to have to talk to their mum (a good friend) about what was said, but she can be quite heavy handed with her kids and I'm a bit worried about how sensitively (or otherwise) she'd deal with it.

What to do?

OP posts:

missmoopy · 15/03/2010 22:03

Exactly Dandy.

gonenative · 15/03/2010 22:31

I was in a similar situation a few months ago and called Stop It Now, who have a helpline for people worried about issues around children and sexual abuse. They were really helpful and gave good sound advice.

Perhaps you could call them or the NSPCC for advice before deciding how to proceed?

Horrible, horrible situation

fallon8 · 15/03/2010 22:51

You are amother and your gut reaction tells you this isnt right.ont let your child stay there and get on to one of the agencies.How will you feel if later,something far worse happens?

MrsPixie · 15/03/2010 22:54

Good God I would contact SS immediately. This rings HUGE alarm bells.

alypaly · 15/03/2010 23:31

it actually makes me feel sick and dredges up too many memories.

alypaly · 15/03/2010 23:34

how i wish there had been someone there to lock my stepbrother up. Wish they would still lock him up now

pigletmania · 16/03/2010 08:19

Oh Yes Missmoopy that for sure, just saying that not all 10 year old know about sex and are aware of sexuality. I rmember when I was 7 there were some older girls who used to ask me horribal things of a sexual nature and I do sexual things with my dad, that made me quite distressed, I knew that it was not right and told my mum and dad who confronted their parents who were shocked too.

AnyFucker · 16/03/2010 08:19

you ok this mornig aly ?

did you get any sleep ?

pigletmania · 16/03/2010 08:22

sorrry the girls asked me whether i do sexual things with my dad, and made it sound normal and that I was silly not too, very distressing, when i told my parents they were

pigletmania · 16/03/2010 08:23

Aww Aly hope that you are ok big hugs

MathsMadMummy · 16/03/2010 08:28

hugs ((alypaly and others))

I take it your stepbrother got away with it then, my uncle did too (he was only 16 at the time btw, definitely not just adults who do this!) - hate to think of him being unpunished. Maybe you should hide this thread if it's making you feel bad?

See OP, this is one of the many reasons you need to report it. I really hope when you come back you can tell us that you already have!

porcamiseria · 16/03/2010 09:35

This thread has upset me, espceially as people like alypaly have had such awful experiences.

I get that this is a good forum for advice, but if OP just ends up discussing this incredible disturbing issue with the Mother, its even worse. can OP say hand on heart she is not biased???

I fucking hate it when a horrible story gets started then OP disappears. She said she would call NSPCC, has she????

just find this veru upsetting, esp given Alypalys feedback (and she knows what she is talking about)

Believeitornot · 16/03/2010 10:07

I've named changed for this post (for obvious reasons...)

Basically I was in a similar situation as a child (being the child who was displaying inappropriate sexual behaviour). I was being abused.

Luckily I was taken into care, away from the evilness and things are now okay for me.

OP, call SS. Dont mess about with the parents, go straight to SS.

MrsPixie · 16/03/2010 10:54

Why on earth won't the OP come back?

Megatron · 16/03/2010 11:01

I would talk to HV in the first instance. I would most definitely NOT approach your friend first, regardless if she is a good friend, that is not the issue here. It IS a hugh step to involve SS but that doesn't mean it not be necessary. These children need to be protected.

pigletmania · 16/03/2010 11:13

Not sure where the op is surely she should come back with some sort of an update as to what she has done. Oh those girl bullies that i was talking about weere the same ones that pushed me under the water in the swimming pool and sat on my head so i could not get up, the lifeguard saw it and rushed to help me.

gingernutlover · 16/03/2010 11:17

really hope she's just very busy and hasnt managed to get back online

pigsinmud · 16/03/2010 11:18

aly are you ok?

I was in a different place yesterday after reading this thread, but am back in the present now. It caught me off guard reading the title of the thread. I knew I should not read, but I did.

I can't stand the fact that I have to act like normal around my brother although I hardly ever see him now. I told my mother when I was about 23 (I was in a bad place at that time) - I can't even remember what she said, but now everything as if nothing was ever said about it.

Mongolia · 16/03/2010 12:20

Interesting to see there is an article about a similar case on the BBC today...

wishingchair · 16/03/2010 12:37

Saw one post about how the OP shoudl think about all the men in the children's lives. It's not just men ... I know of one mum who abused her 2 sons when we were all children. She was abused herself by her father.

Phone NSPCC for advice ...

MathsMadMummy · 16/03/2010 13:51

what a sad article especially seeing how the mum's relationship changed with the daughter who'd been abused herself

schilke sorry to hear your mum dismissed the abuse like that. I'm very lucky my mum believed me (it was her much younger brother) but she made ridiculous excuses for him and begged me not to press charges - remembering that conversation hurts more than anything else.

I'll be really upset if the OP has not reported this. Why post for advice and not take it?

UpYourViva · 16/03/2010 13:52

Where is the OP?

Just read that article Mongolia- i found it disturbing that the mother of the 7yr old girl didnt seem as concerned that her daughter herself was being abused, it made me very

MitsubishiWarrioress · 16/03/2010 14:01

I have this sick, sad feeling that the OP is relating in the third person, something that actually happened to her. Or that whilst the post is basically true, something about it is hiding something.

I don't know why.

wishingchair · 16/03/2010 14:29

Yes I thought the same UpYourViva. Where was the love for the daughter. She was sort of dismissed with a "oh yes she was abused for 2 years". Very very sad.

porcamiseria · 16/03/2010 14:30

I agree, more concern for what the daughter has DONE that about what had been done to her

sigh....

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