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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to hit my ex?

114 replies

angelikarobinson · 04/03/2010 12:10

My ex partner was over last night to see the kids. I was in a bit of a strop generally after a hard day. He told me that he was going to be a bit short on child support this month and I just lost it and started punching and slapping him. I broke his glasses and threw him out. It isn't the first time that I've done this and I don't feel particularly good about it. But I also don't feel that it's really the same thing as when a man batters a woman. He never retaliates which in a way makes me angrier still. I find my rages hard to control. I hate my ex and I resent him still being in my life. I recognise that he is a good father and I don't want to stop him from seeing the children, but when I see him I just utterly despise him for being fat and weak and I want to punch him until he fights back. I'm worried that I might get so angry that I will really do some damage to him. I can imagine attacking him with a knife, for example. I'm worried that I will lose control and end up in trouble with the law. I know that I should seek "help": then I think well why should I? It's not as if I'm like this with the children or with anyone else?

OP posts:
serenity · 04/03/2010 12:14

Er... yes YABU, and yes, you need to stop and seek help (or risk losing your liberty and your children)

I feel sorry for your ex tbh.

StealthPolarBear · 04/03/2010 12:16

you are physically abusing him. this is domestic violence (except he's your ex, thankfully). he's lucky to be free of you.

StealthPolarBear · 04/03/2010 12:16

guessing this is the OP's first post

ginnny · 04/03/2010 12:19

crikey poor bloke!!!
You know it is wrong don't you? If a man laid into his ex wife and came on here to justify it what do you think the response would be? It is the exactly same as a man battering a woman - totally unacceptable.
I can understand your frustration but there really is no excuse for violent outbursts like that.
Where were your dc when this was happening? Have you done it before?
I really think you should get help for this.
WTF has him being fat got to do with it? You come across as a bit of a bully tbh.

Whoamireally · 04/03/2010 12:19

You should seek help because you are on the one hand saying he's a great dad but on the other hand whacking the shit out of him. That isn't rational behaviour. If you were saying, he's a total shit to me, he's a lousy day and THEN I thump him, well, it's still not on but at least could understand where you're coming from.

Presumably your children have seen or heard what has gone on between you and are learning from this that physical assault is acceptable?

You are not like this with your children or anyone else yet - and so you should seek help before one day, your kids push your buttons in the right order and you lose the plot

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives · 04/03/2010 12:20

YABU, and an abusive arsehole. Losing your rag does NOT make it ok to batter someone. If I was him I'd have you for assault.

SpicedGerkin · 04/03/2010 12:21

'But I also don't feel that it's really the same thing as when a man batters a woman.'

Too much in the OP you should hold some back for later.

If by any chance this is a real post, you are way out of line and i hope he phones the police on you!

StealthPolarBear · 04/03/2010 12:21

do you drink?

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives · 04/03/2010 12:24

Oh, and if you're looking for help, there are other life lines out there.

50ftQueenie · 04/03/2010 12:24

Agree with chickens and spiced. That is domestic violence and your ex should have you charged. That would hopeful teach you whether you are being unreasonable or not.

Whoamireally · 04/03/2010 12:24

lousy dad

50ftQueenie · 04/03/2010 12:25

Hopefully, not hopeful.

WhoIsAsking · 04/03/2010 12:26

how ridiculARSE

There are other routes to help. (is that right? it feels wrong)

oldernowiser · 04/03/2010 12:26

You know you are being unreasonable and abusive. It is just the same as a man battering a woman.

You despise him for being fat and weak, you are in a strop, you lose your rag about child support and so you physically batter the father of your children.

Did your children witness this assault? Have they witnessed your previous attacks? Witnessing/being aware of domestic abuse is very damaging for children

You really do need to get some help with this, and you are aware of the likelihood that this will escalate into something very dangerous.

Even more importantly your ex and children need to be protected. You need to contact Social Services, tell them everything, and have the guts to face up to this

teasle · 04/03/2010 12:26

How come noone has shouted 'troll' yet?

OP if you are real you are talking utter shit, obviously.

StealthPolarBear · 04/03/2010 12:28

think WIA has tried
Not a first post - she has 2 from yesterday

WhoIsAsking · 04/03/2010 12:28

Haha - thanks Chickens -

NormaSknockers · 04/03/2010 12:28

There are other lifelines out there OP.

YABU.

bernadetteoflourdes · 04/03/2010 12:28

Are you for real? If you are you a real, you are a BULLY! Do your children witness these attacks and if they do can you imagine the mental trauma they suffer. There is no excuse on any level and "battering" is not less bad coz you are a woman. If you are a genuine OP seek help NOW before you go too far. Violent people with uncontrollable tempers are not selective in their victims it can permeate very facet of their lives. If you lose it in front of your kids you are abusing them an at risk of having them taken into care. Or are you just bored and faking and trying to kick off a Thursday rucus on AIBU?

StealthPolarBear · 04/03/2010 12:28

and chickens

ginnny · 04/03/2010 12:29

Stealth called troll further up - Teasle!
I hope she is a troll tbh.

StewieGriffinsMom · 04/03/2010 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ShinyAndNew · 04/03/2010 12:29

And what happens when your children push you to boiling point?

YABVVU. If I knew your ex I'd advise him to go to the police and to do his best to gain custody of the children. Even if you don't hit them, what sort of example are you setting them?

teasle · 04/03/2010 12:29

aha- just spotted it ginny

bernadetteoflourdes · 04/03/2010 12:31

I smell teenage prada again methinks