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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hit my ex?

114 replies

angelikarobinson · 04/03/2010 12:10

My ex partner was over last night to see the kids. I was in a bit of a strop generally after a hard day. He told me that he was going to be a bit short on child support this month and I just lost it and started punching and slapping him. I broke his glasses and threw him out. It isn't the first time that I've done this and I don't feel particularly good about it. But I also don't feel that it's really the same thing as when a man batters a woman. He never retaliates which in a way makes me angrier still. I find my rages hard to control. I hate my ex and I resent him still being in my life. I recognise that he is a good father and I don't want to stop him from seeing the children, but when I see him I just utterly despise him for being fat and weak and I want to punch him until he fights back. I'm worried that I might get so angry that I will really do some damage to him. I can imagine attacking him with a knife, for example. I'm worried that I will lose control and end up in trouble with the law. I know that I should seek "help": then I think well why should I? It's not as if I'm like this with the children or with anyone else?

OP posts:

paisleyleaf · 04/03/2010 12:46

Is there a way he can see the children without having to see you?
I can't believe your "isn't the same" and "couldn't do a lot of damage" comments.

ShinyAndNew · 04/03/2010 12:47

It is the same thing as when a man hits a woman. It's assault. Or possibly ABH or GBH depending on whether your attack left a mark on him.

You are not a good mother. If you were then you would have gotten help or relinquished the children to him.

You are a bully. And a nutter.

You hate him because he put on weight and lost his job? The vast majority of the general public deserve a beating then? Lots of people gain weight in a relationship. Loy=ts of people in this climate are losing their jobs and struggling with debt. Their partners are not beating them senseless because of it.

If you are not a troll, then you are not a particularly nice person are you? Or a sane one either.

mrsboogie · 04/03/2010 12:47

this is an other lifelines jobby isn't it?

just in case its not - you are a criminal OP and yes it is exactly the same as a man battering a woman!

get some help.

ChickensHaveSinisterMotives · 04/03/2010 12:48

Yes, everyone knows that a woman who tries to stab a man will barely dent his steel outer skin

RealityIsABridezilla · 04/03/2010 12:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bernadetteoflourdes · 04/03/2010 12:49

You are fishing in the wrong pool Angelika (if you are authentic) as I doubt you will garner any support from us for your actions. Log off now and get therapy. Or head back to Norway if you are bluffing!

LittleMrsHappy · 04/03/2010 12:49

whats important to you OP?

your children, or getting the help you need due to your abusive behaviour?1!?

what you are doing is domestic violence to your former partner, and that needs to be addressed urgently and promptly! Is this the attitude you want to portray to your children and for them to copy to their partners when they are older!

continue as you are and risk putting your children at risk from YOU! and also risk putting them on the At Risk Register (ARR) loosing custody for your children through your own violent behaviour!, and also a criminal record!

Is this the example you want to portray to your children, as if your behaviour does not change, and you get the anger management dealt with then the above is possibly highly likely to happen.

EcoMouse · 04/03/2010 12:51

Tanga · 04/03/2010 12:52

"never sleeping with me"

I can't imagine why...you sound GORGEOUS.

When people post about genuine instances of DV, emotional or physical, male or female, we don't say, well, there's not a lot of damage done.

I don't think this is real for a moment, but just in case - get help. Get out of denial. Offer to pay for the glasses and get your head round the fact that children who see (or hear) one parent beating another are being abused.

bernadetteoflourdes · 04/03/2010 12:52

whoisasking touche.

Mongolia · 04/03/2010 12:52

By treating their father like this you are also causing great damage to your children, if you have boys, do you want themd to grow up thinking that receiving such abuse from a woman is the norm?, if they are girls, do you think that such example will help them to create balanced relationships with their partners.

Get the help woman, you need it. And hopefully before you ruin more things for all involved.

ginnny · 04/03/2010 12:52

Unbelievable
I'm not surprised he withdrew emotionally and didn't want to sleep with you - you sound deranged.
He's had a lucky escape - shame your children aren't so lucky.

SpicedGerkin · 04/03/2010 13:02

'what I'm saying is that it isn't the same thing as when a man hits a woman and I think you all know that.'

Enchilada81 · 04/03/2010 13:03

You sound like a nutter tbh.

I thought I was bad. I suffer terrible mood swings and do lose my temper with DH ... I may shout at him, occasionally call him a nasty name or two (which I'm not proud of) but I totally draw the line at attacking him! He'd have me locked up (either in prison or a padded cell!)

I can just imagine the replies if the OP said:

"I was in a really bad mood yesterday and my ex wife annoyed me so I began punching and slapping her. I broke her glasses and threw her out. I could imagine myself attacking her with a knife".

Jeez ... you need help if this is even genuine.

intercoursethepenguin · 04/03/2010 13:08

Consider yourself lucky he doesn't hit you back and get some professional help, you're obviously a looney.

StealthPolarBear · 04/03/2010 13:11

you use the word "attack" yourself
I have done all the things you say to DH (not all atthe same time) - put on weight, lost job....he helps me and tries to build up my self esteem. Ever thought something like that would have been a good idea?

GypsyMoth · 04/03/2010 13:19

angelika....you say he lost his job,yet are moaning the child support will be reduced???

how does that work??

and why is he having access in YOUR home?????

Original poster

angelikarobinson · 04/03/2010 13:21

He is working now but he doesn't earn enough to cover then amount he needs to give me.

He was dropping the children off after looking after them.

OP posts:

mayorquimby · 04/03/2010 13:21

"But I also don't feel that it's really the same thing as when a man batters a woman. He never retaliates which in a way makes me angrier still."

Troll or nutter.
Lets hope he hits you back next time and he helps to quell your anger.Possibly with a comedy style rolling pin.

bernadetteoflourdes · 04/03/2010 13:22

Are you trolling as the WAG on the other thread?

oldernowiser · 04/03/2010 13:23

Trouble is, if she is for real, if he hit her back she'd have the poor sod arrested for it

bernadetteoflourdes · 04/03/2010 13:27

You are spot on there oldernowiser!

Mongolia · 04/03/2010 13:37

Is Angelika back yet, or are we still talking to ourselves?

GypsyMoth · 04/03/2010 13:38

Angelika.....he doesnt need to come in to drop them off....you dont have to exchange more than an 'hello'

and if his wages have dropped then so be it.....go through csa if its a problem,they will enforce it if its calculated using their calculator.

why make life harder for yourself....and dont kid yourself that the kids dont know what you did either

TheLadyEvenstar · 04/03/2010 13:42

Sends all MN'etters a can of this for this thread and others like it

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