to hit my ex?

[angelikarobinson]

My ex partner was over last night to see the kids. I was in a bit of a strop generally after a hard day. He told me that he was going to be a bit short on child support this month and I just lost it and started punching and slapping him. I broke his glasses and threw him out. It isn't the first time that I've done this and I don't feel particularly good about it. But I also don't feel that it's really the same thing as when a man batters a woman. He never retaliates which in a way makes me angrier still. I find my rages hard to control. I hate my ex and I resent him still being in my life. I recognise that he is a good father and I don't want to stop him from seeing the children, but when I see him I just utterly despise him for being fat and weak and I want to punch him until he fights back. I'm worried that I might get so angry that I will really do some damage to him. I can imagine attacking him with a knife, for example. I'm worried that I will lose control and end up in trouble with the law. I know that I should seek "help": then I think well why should I? It's not as if I'm like this with the children or with anyone else?

which is the WAG thread Bernadette?

He's probably got even less money to give you now that he has to get his glasses fixed.

Ooh just what I need for oiling me sprockets
i'll get somefor Coleen on the other thread.

oh come on share the other thread!!!

ThreeBlondeBoys she is near thread top can I leave kids at home while I go to the pub.

You need help - do you do this in front of your children?

Yes, you are right, it is a very different thing when a woman abuses/attacks a man, the man feels emasculated by it, he can't retaliate because its physically easier for him to hurt you so he just has to take it. I cannot BELIEVE that you think this is ok??

FWIW - my DP has made it crystal clear to me that if i ever hit him, don't think that he wont hit me back because he will - thankfully we have a little more self control, but sometimes being hit promotes a reflex - what will you do if he lamps you one back, call the police?

I know you are hurting, but you cannot behave like this, you really need some help controlling your anger - go to your GP and ask to speak to a counsellor

Lol lady, we should have that as a button somewhere and we can just blot out their posts.

OP - you make light of domestic violence, a physically and psychologically devestating situation. Male or female.

You, for example, are a cunt

Oi Angelika, Coleen's gorra fag and a shandy for you own a the Rose and Crown she is also a dab hand at anger management counselling!

See You Next Tuesday too.

bernadette of lourdes is my patron saint!!

i am flattered and very discombobulated (great choice of mame) BTW xxxxx

Is it the same troll who did the 'promiscuous DD' thread yeasterday? Could be...some bored wifey....same OP pattern, never returned...

Both a bit odd

teasle have you got a link to that one too?

I didn't "return" because I am really offended at being called a "cunt".

I was not looking for reassurance that I was in the right; just being honest about what has happened and how I feel and trying to decide how to go forward and do the best thing for my children and for me and - yes - for my ex as well. I was looking for some help and advice as I feel very isolated. I wasn't looking to be bullied and screamed at and called a cunt.

Fuck you, MN

You really need to get this sorted (if you are genuine.)Your ex and your children are at serious risk from your violent domestic abuse.

You need to contact Social Services, tell them what you have been doing and face up to it before somthing even worse happens. You can't carry on creating this very dangerous situation

Anjelika you were not in the right you used violence did you really think (if you are real) that we would pat you on the back and say hooray for you. GET PROFESSIONAL HELP IF YOU ARE GENUINE, dont waste your time looking for validation on MNET. Oh and See You Next Tuesday as well!

But you weren't admitting you had a problem or needed help. You spent a lot of words trying to justify your behaviour - which you can't.

"I didn't "return" because I am really offended at being called a "cunt"."

stop being an atrocious cunt then. Simple.

you asked if you were being unreasonable to hit your ex

what did you expect? a fanfare, round of applause and chorus of well done?

the fuck you is a classy touch

you hit your ex, broke his glasses, sadi you can imagine stabbing him and you can't bear he does not retaliate

that is the behaviour of a , well, you can work the rest out..

you have serious anger issues,based on what you have written you come across as nasty bully and are writing it as it no biggie

do you shout and hit your dc

Even if it is 'just' your XP that triggers the urge to violence in you now, if you don't take steps to control your behaviour, it will get worse. You'll lash out at the person who queuejumps you, the bemused tourist who asks you for directions - and sooner or later you will hit your DC. Because you are reinforcing to yourself the idea that it's OK to use violence on other people, because your anger is more important than they are. This is NOT an acceptable way to behave and you need to address it.

Blimey im shocked - is OP for real?

"I want to punch him until he fights back."

I find that an intriguing (and very sad) admission. What is it about these rages you have that makes you feel that you need him to fight back? If he did hit you in retaliation, how would that make you feel? Vindicated? Noticed? Important to him?

The reason I ask this is that what you wrote in your OP reminds me very strongly of my (aggressive, occasionally violent) ex. I often got the feeling that her aggression was, at least in part, an attempt to goad me into an aggressive response. I'm not an aggressive person so my passiveness seemed to drive her into ever more extreme attempts to provoke a reaction. Which is where the violence came in.

In my ex's case I suspect that this behaviour was rooted in her upbringing. As far as I can tell, her parents had a very stormy relationship and I think she (subconsciously) tries to mirror that. I wonder if she felt that rage equals passion equals love.

I also suspect that her anger was sometimes an attention-seeking thing. If she wasn't getting the attention she thought she deserved by being nice, then she'd try to get it by being horrible.

To answer your final question of why you should get help for this: at the moment your abuse and violence is directed at one person. But as with all abuse, it's not the victim's fault. The violence comes from within you. If you don't find out what's fuelling your abusiveness, and learn better ways of dealing with it, then you are very likely to end up acting in the same way in any future relationships you have. Also, if your DCs see and/or hear you being violent towards their father then it will be very damaging for them.

This isn't batterers anonymous dear, and if you were serious you wouldn't have posted in aibu.

off you fuck now.

Quite a lot of violent people feel some remorse after attacking someone, but they often bury it in the kind of sulky defiance displayed by the OP 'It wasn't that bad and it was his/her fault really for annoying me.'
What you should do, OP, is get some help/anger management/therapy and while you are getting it, arrange for handovers to be dealt with by someone else so that you don't encounter your XP (I would imagine the poor man will be only too happy to agree to this).
If you don't do something about your tantrums and your aggressive behaviour, though, sooner or later someone (hopefully XP) will inform the police and you will be charged with assault.