"a full time mum"

[DuelingFanjo]

said whatsername on Relocationthingy.

Surely you're still a full time mum if you work. You're stull a mum anyway. no?

Oh yes I forgot that question "but what did you used to do?" Answered in my case by "well I used to be a solicitor but haven't done that for some years now" - at which point people relax and decide maybe I do have a brain even if - poor thing - I've decided not to use it anymore .

I take on board what people are saying about their time being fully taken up with childcare when others are working outside the home. It's a good argument. Does this mean, though, that when the children go to school the term "full-time parent" should change to account for the fact that the parent concerned is not now a "full time parent", ie from 9-3.30 on schooldays they are not engaged in full time childcare?

Do we describe retired people as unemployed? No, we use a more precise description! I'm sure I'm not the only person feeling a bit uncomfortable with being described as unemployed. If "full time mother" is perhaps a bit controversial, then can we stick to SAHM?

Yawn.

I think it is about more than physical presence but responsibility.

My do works while dd is at school but if something happens he is the one who goes into school. If they need a parent helper he goes in. He is the one who organises her meals, does the picking up and dropping off for clubs.

I get up go to work, come home and do the bedtime routine. He takes responsibility for everything in the day. When he is away and I am having to do all of that I find it very stressful.

Are you tired, Feiera? Perhaps you need an early night?

Knowmyrights I have never seen SAHM in that light, perhaps in part because I was one for four years. I see it as a very privelidged position tbh.

I got very angry with my manager once who said in a meeting that someone was not coming back after maternity leave because they 'had chosen motherhood'

Chandon - for my sins, I've been at a few dinner parties like that too.

In stuffy situations, I'm happy to lay claim to being Chief Operations Officer of the Lymond's-Surname family Corporation!

assumetheposition - Ouch!

It is just a phrase, people have all kinds of views on SAHM/WOHM for example the standard response to me saying I am a sahm to 3(and a bit) is something along the lines of "wow you must be rushed of your feet!" well no not really thats WHY I am a sahm so that I am not rushed off my feet? I can spend the day pottering about not worrying about the many deadlines and meeting my husband does? but I just smile and agree for an easy life.People cope well with different things I know for a fact that I would crumble in an instant if I was suddenly dropped into a demanding job but I am good at what I do now. SO yes just a phrase not worth getting worked up over another one of those interesting differences!

Those of us that don't work and look after children are not technically unemployed but classified as not seeking employment - like students. Although unlike students if we gave up what we were doing we would create employment by hiring childcare. If you have school aged children - lady of leisure or housewife, depending if you bother doing any housework.

You can't win being a SAHM when people ask you what you do unless that person is a SAHM also.

Naff term. I say I'm a housewife and that I'm looking after my baby.

I hate housewife because I'm not - that implies (imo) that I give a toss about how my house looks, and I don't. I sometimes put 'teacher' in the occupation box simply because I spend my days teaching DD not to shred any paper she finds in my wallet, not empty the nappy bucket onto the floor, how to clean her teeth without falling off the stool, how to walk in a vaguely straight line without falling over etc.
I've witnessed the desperate look of a person in paid employment who's suddenly found that the one question that usually guarantees them 5 mins of small talk has fallen flat I mean...just what do you talk about if you can't talk about 'work'?

Am going to adopt "lady of leisure" or "kept woman" now

I know an organisation which uses the phrase 'unwaged' to describe SAHMs carers etc

I have seen 'homemaker' and 'housewife' as an occupation option on a form. Haven't seen FT mum, think that is a bit of a stupid term. As for outsourcing parenting -

All of the questions about employment are too "put me in a box", even before they start making people feel you are questioning their parenting. It's a shame that it's so ingrained that questions like "what are you reading at the moment?" or "what are you into?" can't replace them.

It's a phrase. If you work part of the time then while you're working, yes you're still a mum but you're not at that moment doing parenting things like changing a baby's nappy, cooking a child's meal, tying up shoelaces, wiping a snotty nose, playing with your child, clearing up a spilled potty, setting up a jigsaw, reading a story, hoiking a child round on your hips....that's all it means, that during the day if you're a SAHM you are working full time at mothering activities whereas if you're at work you're doing your work during those work hours, not your mothering.
It doesn't mean you're not a mother, just that you're not doing the physical caring of the child full time whereas if you're at home with preschoolers, you are doing it full time during other people's working hours.
Why be touchy about it? It's only stating what you do during the day as much as if someone asked you if you work full or part time. If you work 5 full days a week, you say you work full time, if you are a SAHM you work full time at doing the physical mothering things - so you're a full time mum.
Everyone knows what it means they just like to get a debate going.

Just pretend to be a spy, and say, well, i could tell you, but then...

littlebylittle, I completely agree with you. I have never defined myself by my job (it was always a shit job anyway). I prefer to define myself by my hobbies which at the current time I am fully into.

I don't take offence at "full time mum" even though I go out to wrk. Maybe if I didn't I would say "I look after the children" or some such.

I nearly took offence, however, at one of my former colleagues talking to me about one of my other colleagues who was on her second maternity leave and probably not going to return "Because she's a real mum". Ouch.

So, ladies, that's the way forward - say "I'm a real mum"...

i don't take offence to the term full time mum. doesn't bother me at all.

just to confuse things more if you are a parent who works outside the home as a teacher/nursery worker whatever with children, are you still a full time mum as you are now assuming the parental role of somebody elses children