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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to help parents to wean a 12 week old baby mindee?

113 replies

Bumnoise · 28/02/2010 16:32

I posted this in here instead of the CM thread in hope of more replies/advice.
Mindee is 12 weeks old (PFB)

Parents have started to wean this week and expect me to force feed this poor mite with gloop when clearly it's too early.

AIBU to refuse and how do I get it across without coming over all sanctimonious and preachy and also without completely ruining the working relationship?

OP posts:
SixtyFootDoll · 28/02/2010 16:36

I would say their baby, their choice, sorry.

AreAnyNamesAvailable · 28/02/2010 16:38

Agree with SixtyFootDoll, I'm afraid. Don't agree with it but your role as CM is to be a parent when parents are absent and this means doing what they would do.
If you feel that strongly, maybe say so and be prepared for them to find another CM.
No help at all, sorry.

kinnies · 28/02/2010 16:38

Have you told them how stupid it is to wean that early?

Greensleeves · 28/02/2010 16:40

I would refuse and tell them why I wasn't prepared to do it. It's then up to them whether they want to move the baby somewhere else.

It's not sanctimonious to have boundaries about what you will and will not do. I wouldn't smack a child because the parents wanted it, or take them to get their ears pierced either. If the parents want a different sort of carer, they need to look elsewhere.

Original poster
Bumnoise · 28/02/2010 16:42

Normally I would agree their baby their choice yes, but this is something that could potentially harm their child and also something I disgaree with completely

OP posts:
Lifeinagoldfishbowl · 28/02/2010 16:43

I would give them some information on weaning guidelines and say that you are not willing to go against these guideleines that who have published and that if they feel that they want to take their bussiness elsewherte then you undrstand but that at the end of the day you ae sticking to this.

violethill · 28/02/2010 16:44

Agree with sixtyfoot.

You can show them advice about weaning, but at the end of the day, you would be wrong to continue taking payment and not carrying out their requests re: feeding. You would be better off asking them to find other childcare rather than continue.

malovitt · 28/02/2010 16:46

I would refuse to do it and explain why.
If they chose to move the baby, then so be it.

Morloth · 28/02/2010 16:48

If you feel that strongly about it, you need to tell them and be prepared for them to take their business elsewhere.

It is their choice when to wean but it is your choice what you do, they need to know where they stand.

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 28/02/2010 16:50

You have no say in this matter other than to ask them to go elsewhere if you really cannot support their choice.
BTW My 4 children range in age with the eldest now 21 and when she was a baby 12 week weaning was the norm.I started her off at around 13 weeks with gloop and she suffered no adverse effects whatsoever. She is a perfectly healthy, allergy free, adult with a rather sophisticated palate an interest in cooking and a prelidiction for oysters and drinking my wine.

Reallytired · 28/02/2010 16:50

If the baby refuses to open its mouth then you cannot force feed it. The only thing you can do is offer.

My daughter has started nursery and is 10 months old. She refuses to drink formula at nursery and as a parent I have to accept this. Ultimately its her decision whether she takes formula as well. Admitally the situation is different as the nursery are not against a 10 month old baby being offered formula.

Surely the same logic would apply to a 12 week old baby.

Missus84 · 28/02/2010 16:52

It's their choice to wean, but as a childminder morally I don't think you can do something that could cause harm to the child.

I'd approach them by saying that tbh - Government guidelines say wean at 6 months as this is when the digestive system is mature enough for food. As a childminder you can't do anything that may harm the child.

Then it's up to them.

Totally disagree with previous posters that a childminder has to replicate the parents - you run a childminding business and it's up to you how you treat the children in your care, and up to them if they use your service.

123andaway · 28/02/2010 16:53

While it's not ideal I don't think it's a big issue TBH. Mine were weaned at 12 weeks (as that was the advice then) and I was weaned at 8 weeks (as was the advice then), and we lived to tell the tale!!

It's best for a baby to be BF but you wouldn't be insisting your mindies parents did that would you???

looneytune · 28/02/2010 16:54

AreAnyNamesAvailable - I'm a childminder and I'm afraid it's not that easy. According to Ofsted and the EYFS, we HAVE to put a child's welfare before parental wishes. A lot I don't agree with i.e. a nursery got into a lot of trouble following a complaint made to Ofsted that a certain child was not allowed to sleep after a certain time as they wouldn't sleep at night. The nursery followed the parents wishes but interferring Ofsted said that if that child wants to sleep, you must let them sleep no matter what the parents say!! Now I agree not to force a baby to stay awake all day (you couldn't anyway lol but some parents do think that a 12 week old baby will sleep at night if you don't let them sleep in the day) but I do agree with an older child being stopped from sleeping past a certain late time if they are having trouble sleeping at night.

I know I went off on one there but that was just an example. With regards to weaning, if the guidelines are to wait then we should really follow that. Like we're not supposed to let a parent give us pre-made bottles for a baby any more.

If it was me, knowing what's in the interest of the baby, unless a HV or someone like that had advised early weaning, I'd have to say I wasn't able to help them at this stage. If they choose to go elsewhere it's up to them. I have to put the child first.

Out of interest, do you know whether these parents are aware of the current guidelines? Could it be that they just need the correct information?

Good luck, not easy.

looneytune · 28/02/2010 16:57

Also to add, I was weaned around this time (if not sooner) and my parents will always say that it never did me any harm. But they don't know whether or not that had anything to do with why I have suffered really badly with IBS in the past!

BackstreetsOfNaples · 28/02/2010 16:58

12 weeks though - i mean, we all did it at 12 weeks only 8 or so yrs ago. And our 6 upwards yr olds all seem to have thrived ok.

Tis fashion no?

Greensleeves · 28/02/2010 16:59

you're self-employed - you offer what you offer, and if the customer doesn't want it they can look elsewhere

you wouldn't go into a sweet shop and complain because they didn't sell binbags

bubbleymummy · 28/02/2010 17:01

Backstreet - guidelies were changed to 6 months in 2003 and before that they were 17 weeks for quite a while.

Sassybeast · 28/02/2010 17:04

I was weaned at 6 weeks and have a lifetime of digestive and immunological problems behind me AND in front of me. The argument about 'well I did it and I'm ok' doesn't really apply when research has clearly identified links bewteen early weaning and long term health problems. I'd tell them that I had to put the needs of the child first and then leave it up to them to decide if they leave baby in your care or find alternatives.

wannaBe · 28/02/2010 17:06

well current guidelines are to exclusively breastfeed until a child is six months old.

So if you're going to be quoting guidelines then I'm afraid you can't be picky about the ones you disagree with.

Guidelines are just that, guidelines. It's not illegal to wean a baby before six months, it's not even immoral to do so. And let's be honest - you're talking about something which will be relevant for three months, after which you're within the guidelines anyway. Are you prepared to give up hundreds of £ a month for something which is only relevant for twelve weeks?

Greensleeves · 28/02/2010 17:07

maybe she is concerned about the baby's health as well as her bank balance wannabe

bibbitybobbityhat · 28/02/2010 17:08

Guidelines were 16 weeks when dd was born in early 2001.

OP - be honest with the parents. It will be awkward, they may take the baby out of your care. But would they be able to find another childminder so soon? Its not really your problem, tbh. Be prepared for them to be rather defensive about it all.

MarshaBrady · 28/02/2010 17:09

yanbu. Find some information if you wish and give it to them. But I don't think you need to follow the 'their baby, their choice' on this one.

iwastooearlytobeayummymummy · 28/02/2010 17:11

just out of interest have the parents told you why they want to start weaning?
I remember the whole project being such a time consuming faff compared to have boob/bottle will travel.

Sassybeast · 28/02/2010 17:11

The chances of an exclusively BF under 6 months old child being in the care of a childminder are fairly slim though ? So comparing guidelines like for like doesn't make a whole lot of sense ? What if the parents insisted on putting the baby to sleep on it's tummy and had 6 blankets as well ?

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