to not want to help parents to wean a 12 week old baby mindee?

[Bumnoise]

I posted this in here instead of the CM thread in hope of more replies/advice.
Mindee is 12 weeks old (PFB)

Parents have started to wean this week and expect me to force feed this poor mite with gloop when clearly it's too early.

AIBU to refuse and how do I get it across without coming over all sanctimonious and preachy and also without completely ruining the working relationship?

If you want to split hairs the parents are paying for said service therefore I would describe them as employing the services of the childminder. Anyway - however she describes herself she is taking money from them to care for their child and they have asked her to do something which is not abusive or unreasonable however unusual it may be on mumsnet and however unwise it may be in a wider context.

If a parent wants complete control, then they can employ a nanny. If you use a childminder or nursery you have to accept their policies. That's not splitting hairs.

"not abusive"

borderline maybe, but i'd argue that it is. they're taking a MASSIVE risk with the health of their child. that's pretty abusive to me.

early weaning is one thing, but 12 weeks old???

Its not borderline abuse. It just goes against current thinking

And when I was a baby current thinking was to wean at 8 days. I do not consider that I was abused.

when ds21 was a baby it was normal for 16 weeks. Most weaned earlier.

There are studies being undertaken still about the best time to wean.

The point I'm trying to make is that none of this is set in stone, so I think it a bit much to suggest that this is borderline abuse.

Well done for questioning their unreasonable instructions. I think you should explain to them that the guidelines say it's too early and that you're not willing to endanger the baby. At the end if the day, if he or she gets sick, it would be under your care. Your minding, your rules.

Borderline ABUSE?
wTF?
I wenaed both my DS s at 13 weeks, they are now aged 6 and 9 and haven't been to the doctors in years.
These are guidleines, not laws.
It is against the law to smack children and If these parents were telling you to smack thier child then of course you wouldnt.
But to offer thier baby some pureed rice as they have asked you, abuse?!!

my daughters 3 and she started gettin baby rice at 12 weeks the food(veg) at 16 weeks. theres no way she would have lasted on just bottles till 6 months and i only believe that a breast fed baby may be able to last till them but certainly not a formula fed baby.
however i would not have even consindered giving her food (veg) at 12 weeks. im sure the guidelines were 16 weeks to start them on food when my daughter was a baby

my formula fed baby got to 25 weeks on just milk.

the guidelines are clear, no solids before 17 weeks, and the aim is to get to 26 weeks.

12 weeks is radically different to 17 weeks.

if a baby is showing signs of being physically ready for something other than mikl..i.e loss of tongue thrust reflex, able to sit, with good head control etc etc.. then great, give the food

i doubt many 12 week old babies do that

the outward physical and gross motor skill development is a fairly good mirror of the internal development, that the gut and digestive system is ready and able to take something other than mikl

i think a qualified, ofsted registered childcare provider should actually inform the parents of these guidelines and it would be remiss to ignore the training and knowledge that you hvae , and go along with this, when you know it might not be the best thing

it is then up to the parents as to whether they move the child eslewhere, and the childcare provider is not left fgeeling uncomfortable

i would be very unhpapy if a nursery setting was going along with weaning 12 week olds.

i think lulu has it spot on.

Ds wasn't well enough to be left with a CM at that age but if I had asked the CM to do something, explained why and she refused I would have looked for another CM.

When I had my DC's the advice was that babies should be weaned at 16 weeks. I weaned DD (now 10) at 14 weeks and DS at 13 weeks because they were BIG babies, BW 9lb 4oz and 10lb 14oz, and they were ready. It certainly did them no harm.

I am currently PG with No3 and now the advice is that you shouldn't wean until 6 months. TBH I will probably wean this one when I think the time is right as I did with the other two.

It's up to the parents to decide when the time is right.

'they're taking a MASSIVE risk' - you don't know that at all. There is no way to know what risk (if any) is being posed to the child here. The op thinks she knows what is better for this child than the parents do. She may very well be right but there is no absolute answer here, no law to be broken or not and therefore I think she should continue caring for the baby as the parents wish her to.

You'd feel awful if you fed the baby regularly and then they were poorly because of it though.

Both mine were weaned 'early'. DC1 was about 12 weeks, DC2 was a week or so younger. I was unable to breastfeed them, unfortunately so they were both FF. Both of them were such hungry babies that even the 'hungry baby' ff was not enough for them and they were in danger of having distended stomachs due to the quantity of milk they required. My HV suggested starting them on baby rice so that we could reduce the quantity of milk and therefore ease their extreme discomfort. They are now adults and don't appear to have suffered any ill effects.

Whilst I think you would be reasonable to outline your feelings on the matter, I still think that it is the parent's call. If you really can't go along with their wishes, then you will have to understand if they choose to put their child with someone who will.

Both mine were weaned 'early'. DC1 was about 12 weeks, DC2 was a week or so younger. I was unable to breastfeed them, unfortunately so they were both FF. Both of them were such hungry babies that even the 'hungry baby' ff was not enough for them and they were in danger of having distended stomachs due to the quantity of milk they required. My HV suggested starting them on baby rice so that we could reduce the quantity of milk and therefore ease their extreme discomfort. They are now adults and don't appear to have suffered any ill effects.

Whilst I think you would be reasonable to outline your feelings on the matter, I still think that it is the parent's call. If you really can't go along with their wishes, then you will have to understand if they choose to put their child with someone who will.

the NHS and DoH and Who are very clear about 17 weeks being the minuimum age for solids

unless this 12 week old is being weaned on teh advice of a peadiatrician or some other HCP, i think that the OP is quite iwthin her rights to dispute the early weaning

same as she could challenge other stuff she does not want to do, i/e if the parents wanted her to smack the child or do controlled crying for example

i think it is wrong for a CM or nanny or nusery nurse to go along with everything a parent wants if there is evidence/ guidelines that would indicate it was not an apporpirate thing to do

oops! don't know what happened there!

how do you even get food into a 12 week old?

they don't sit up

they have no head control

My DD is coming up for 20 weeks - her tongue thrust reflex is very strong - if she even puts her fingers in her mouth, her tongue comes straight out ...

if i tried to feed her, the food would pop straight out again ...

gosh a whole range of thoughts posted here

BN here is a slightly different tack

Discuss the leaflet you have emailed with the parents

Document the conversation, keep a copy of the email as well; then if A the parents decide to continue with weaning and B you are happy to follow the parents wishes then you have evidence as to why you have.

Funnily enough I was on a (CM's) course this week and one CM was fuming because parents had refused to follow her advice and wean before 6 months - she thought it stopped the baby speaking later because they weren't developing the right muscles ( not sure what muscles she thought were developed by swallowing puree/baby rice which is all they could have at that age??).

Luckily the Speech and Language Therapist present confirmed the current guidelines and told everyone that weaning absolutely shouldn't happen before 6 months... and that it had no effect on speech but that lumpy/finger foods should be introduced quickly after 1st weaned as continuing on very pureed food could affect muscle development.

Then another CM piped up with how her children & grandchildren were weaned at 2 months on mince and mash potato?!? and it hadn't done them any harm...

As a CM I wouldn't absolutely refuse to wean if a few weeks earlier than 6 months (although I did stick to that with my own son who was exclusively BF til 6 months - and he was on 90+ percentile and had reflux), but I would strongly object at 12 weeks.

As others have said if you do it tactfully and suggest they speak to HV then it should be fine... although sadly some HV's/Drs aren't that well informed either...

Good luck!

If I were the parent I would be a bit embarrassed but take your advice on board and I wouldn't expect you to wean before 17 weeks if you were not happy.

The baby can just have breakfast if they want to do it, surely they will only do one meal a day for a little while, before building up?

Ds had to be propped up to be fed. Very hard work and not something I'd ever recommend. However in his case we didn't have a choice.

As current guidance is that shouldn't be weaned until 20-26 weeks, perhaps say that as baby is so young you can't do this professionally unless they have letter from HV saying its ok.

My DN has reflux and SIL told by consultant to wean at 12 weeks.

But if you take this ground maybe they will look for new childminder?

Northernlurker you missed something important. They are paying for the service of a professional childminder. A professional who has their own guidelines and standards. If the parents do not like them, they can find someone else whose they do agree with. Its not a matter of "I am paying you and you will do what I say", it just doesn't work like that.

Like I said earlier, lots of parents smack their children, lots of people think that is a good parenting tool, its not illegal and many think its normal. That doesn't mean you would insist your childminder does it too. Same with any number of things you could mention.

Good God. Are they crazy? As a CMer myself I certainly wouldn't assist weaning a baby so young. I would tell them about weaning guidelines, sk them why on earth are they doing it so early and I would refuse to do it. If they wanted to take their child elsewhere then so be it. My conscience would be clear. I would be tempted to have a quiet word in their health visitors ear also.