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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to help parents to wean a 12 week old baby mindee?

113 replies

Bumnoise · 28/02/2010 16:32

I posted this in here instead of the CM thread in hope of more replies/advice.
Mindee is 12 weeks old (PFB)

Parents have started to wean this week and expect me to force feed this poor mite with gloop when clearly it's too early.

AIBU to refuse and how do I get it across without coming over all sanctimonious and preachy and also without completely ruining the working relationship?

OP posts:

thatsnotmymonkey · 28/02/2010 22:29

As a 1st time mum with a 14m who goes to a CM 3 days a week, I have taken on some of my CMs advice and regard her as a valuable resource with a wealth of knowledge and information. I love her to pieces and so does my son. I respect her and when she has offered very gentle, very relevant advice I have listened.(it was about bedtime routines and was a convo I initiated)

If I were the parent in question I would take your advice on the chin and respect that you were coming from a place of professionalism and care. If they don't like what you have to say about this very early weaning then maybe they are not the right family for you.

I think I might be embaressed to have it pointed out to me, but then I think I would appreciate that you spoke up as I would feel reassured that you were thinking about the baby above all else.
HTH

Original poster

Bumnoise · 01/03/2010 07:57

Thank you all for your replies, I haven't got time to read them just now as children will be here shortly but just a quick update for you - spoke briefly with Mum last night and said I felt uneasy and asked them to look at the Start 4 Life stuff and contact the HV in the morning for advice and then to get back to me later today to discuss it properly. She didn't seem put out although granted hard to tell on the phone.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 01/03/2010 08:27

I started giving DS cows' milk to drink when he was 11mo. His nursery wouldn't until he was 12m, so for a few weeks he only had water. Their rules - fine with me!
OTOH I'd be careful about saying it goes against the guidance of waiting until 26 weeks, as I assume you'd be happy to do this from 17 weeks ish on?

StealthPolarBear · 01/03/2010 08:30

And northernlurker, usually I agree with you as I think you're very wise Not here though I'm afraid!
It's not illegal (afaik) to give a baby nuts or honey but if the parents wanted to do that should the CM? IMO a CM should comply with relevant professional guidance unless it's overruled for that individual baby by another professional.

StealthPolarBear · 01/03/2010 08:31

oops that 'not here' was just that I don't agree, not that I don't think you're wise

Northernlurker · 01/03/2010 10:40

I don't think weaning at 12 weeks is a good idea, I'm just uncomfortable with the parents decision being made for them by their childminder.

And yes SPB - I am very, very wise

StealthPolarBear · 01/03/2010 10:51

well she's not really making the decision, they can feed the baby if they choose to, she's just refusing to feed a 12 week old baby

thatsnotmymonkey · 01/03/2010 11:01

the cm isnt making the decsion for them though

ginormoboobs · 01/03/2010 11:41

I wouldn't do it. I think that have taken the right approach (telling them to speak to HV).
There are so many silly myths about weaning;

Baby is big so should be weaned early - Being big does not mean that the gut is mature. Give it more milk
Baby is hungry so needs hungry baby milk- nope , it just needs more milk. Hungry baby milk has no more calories than normal baby milk.
Hungry baby milk is not filling them because they are still screaming - probably because they have a sore tummy from the hungry baby milk.
They have more than 8 bottles a day , they must need to be weaned as that is too many - Totally normal. Give them water , they are possibly thirsty

Elasticwoman · 01/03/2010 13:34

No you are not being unreasonable.

You are brave to raise an objection and ask them to think again. The parents might take offence, might be rude to you, might take their baby away.

But you are doing the right thing. Well done.

runnybottom · 01/03/2010 14:24

How is the decision being made for them by the CM? They can do what they want with the child on their own time, but she can refuse to do things that she doesn't agree with on her time.

This is not in any way controversial, no childcarer can or should be forced to do things with or for a child that they do not think is right or appropriate.

ahundredtimes · 01/03/2010 14:32

God isn't it funny? 12 weeks was the recommended age when ds1 was born, twelve years ago. I think all mine started to have food introduced about then.

It makes me laugh how everyone says 'absolutely not' now. It wasn't THAT long ago.

Makes me feel like a granny!

fishie · 01/03/2010 14:41

no that is true, not so long ago. but not so long ago that children underwent corporate punishment at school, for example.
things do change and for the better...

StealthPolarBear · 01/03/2010 14:44

what if they wanted her to give honey nut cornflakes for breakfast?

looneytune · 01/03/2010 14:45

Well when I was a baby we were put in the car in a carry cot, no seat belts or anything. Never killed me or my siblings so why not do the same with my kids and mindees

ahundredtimes · 01/03/2010 15:07

lol. It just made me realize how much of parenting is about current trend and latest thinking, I suppose. And that really nobody knows anything.

However, I'm sure it's for the better if food is introduced later, why not. Can't hurt.

mumofaboy · 01/03/2010 15:08

OP, how often do you have the baby? The reason I ask is that if you've got the baby for a significant amount of time, the parents may not even realise it's managing on milk? Perhaps they are being ill-advised by well-meaning friends/relatives and because they don't have the baby much during the day they can't see for themselves that the weaning isn't necessary? Does that even make sense..??!

looneytune · 01/03/2010 15:28

ahundredtimes - so do you think that it's the latest 'fashion' to put children in car seats and strap them in rather than loose in a carry cot??!!! That's just one example of how research over time made them realise it was dangerous. Some things I agree are silly and I make my own decisions on research but research has shown that on the food issue, it really is better to wait. I personally don't want to 'risk' my mindees having digestive problems like me so I follow the guidance. My ds1 was weaned early because the WHO hadn't come out with the new guidelines by then so I'll feel bad if he has problems but I'll also know I did my best and wasn't aware of the risks.

My mum smoked when pregnant with me. My parents chain smoked in the car with windows shut and told us all off if we dared to disrespect them by coughing HOWEVER it is no longer the 'fashion' to do that now - got nothing to do with people finding out how dangerous it is for kids has it??!!! Oh and good on those parents who do still smoke in cars with children in - at least they aren't 'fashion' followers!!!

ahundredtimes · 01/03/2010 15:46

You're being a wee bit touchy about it and reading criticisms into my post which are not there. I was merely pointing out how trends had changed. I draw no conclusions about this. Was a light remark about the fact I was suddenly feeling like my mother in the weight of all this new evidence about weaning. That was all. I'm sorry that it riled you and made you think about babies careering about unstrapped in the backs of cars and of children gasping for oxygen, also in the back of cars.

Elasticwoman · 01/03/2010 17:30

"12 weeks was the recommended age when I had my ds 12 years ago." Really? When my first child was a baby 15 years ago, weaning was recommended at 4 - 6 months, with mothers being urged to err on the side of waiting longer rather than starting it early. What part of the country do you live in, Ahundredtimes? Was it a health professional, advertising or a friend or relative that gave you the advice, if you can remember?

I was also interested to hear the comment from a mother who thought that a bf baby is more likely to go longer without solids than a ff baby. Why would that be, I wonder?

When I was bf my youngest, I remember people expressing surprise that he still had nothing but breastmilk when he weighed over 18 lb.

How much does your mindee weigh at 12 weeks, Bumnoise?

ahundredtimes · 01/03/2010 18:57

Yes, I'm sure it was. I might be wrong of course, maybe it was 4 months? Anyway, all you do at the start is put a bit of gloop on a spoon and see if they suck it off. They carry on having mostly milk for ages, don't they.

ahundredtimes · 01/03/2010 18:58

Oh I expect it was from a book - or the HV? Maybe. See, I am officially a granny because I'm casting about in the dark trying to remember

ahundredtimes · 01/03/2010 19:15

YOU'RE RIGHT!
I went and looked it up. You absolutely right. It says 'to start solids next week' and he was 15 weeks. Then it says at 19 weeks 'baby still not keen on solids'

I'm a senile granny, one of those ones that doesn't remember anything and says 'of course, all we did was prop a 5 month old up near a potty and they trained themselves'

chipmonkey · 01/03/2010 19:58

SIL weaned all of hers at 8 weeks because they were "big hungry babies"
Ds4 was 23lb and 6 months old before I weaned him!
When ds1 was born 13 years ago, 4 months was the recommended age and I didn't know anyone who waited longer.

runnybottom · 01/03/2010 20:56

Lol @ ahundredtimes...do you also insist to your DIL that you thought childbirth didn't hurt at all and you always got back into your size 8's within a week?

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