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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to help parents to wean a 12 week old baby mindee?

113 replies

Bumnoise · 28/02/2010 16:32

I posted this in here instead of the CM thread in hope of more replies/advice.
Mindee is 12 weeks old (PFB)

Parents have started to wean this week and expect me to force feed this poor mite with gloop when clearly it's too early.

AIBU to refuse and how do I get it across without coming over all sanctimonious and preachy and also without completely ruining the working relationship?

OP posts:
wannaBe · 28/02/2010 17:11

also, did the parents actually say they wanted you to force feed the baby? Because not every baby that is weaned before six months is force fed. My ds was weaned at sixteen weeks (as per guidelines at the time) and he willingly opened his mouth for the food and loved every mouthful of it.

So if the parents expressly said they want you to force feed the baby then I would object. But if they say they want you to offer the food and the baby happens not to want it then i would offer the food and just say that you offered the food and the baby refused it.

I do agree that twelve weeks is a little early, but having weaned my own child at sixteen weeks and having seen that he was clearly ready for it, there really isn't a magic button that makes babies ready at six months - some really are ready before that, and given the guidelines only changed six years ago, you can't tell me that every baby that was weaned at sixteen weeks before then was done so wrongly.

Missus84 · 28/02/2010 17:14

Everyone used to put their babies to sleep on their front and the vast majority were fine... Just because people used to do something doesn't mean we don't know better now!

Anyway, it's completely the parents choice if they want to wean their baby now. But it's also completely the OP's choice not to do something that she doesn't think is in the child's best interests.

wannaBe · 28/02/2010 17:14

also iirc there is some evidence that ff babies do need to be weaned earlier than bf babies. So even if you stalled at twelve weeks it still could only be a matter of weeks until this baby really is ready to be weaned, compared to a baby that is excl bf.

LittleMrsHappy · 28/02/2010 17:16

Is their any medical reason, for them to wean their baby this early?

I was TOLD, by the medical world to wean ds on prescription rice, due to his weight and allergies, of course I did not do this, but they did everything in their power to try and "make" me, by reducing his prescription formula, in the end had to change consultants and hospitals because for their bullying, currently going through a grievance with the last hospital, due to their "tactics" in bullying me to doing in THEIR WAY, even tho he was clearly not ready to be weaned.

Sorry I have to ask also, is the mum not on mat leave when her child is only 12 weeks?

LittleMrsHappy · 28/02/2010 17:17

at 9 weeks

BigWeeHag · 28/02/2010 17:24

I did a year of childminding - I had to ask one parent to take her child elsewhere as she did Crying It Out (ie, child goes in travel cot in darkened room, child remains there for two hours regardless of behaviour because It Is Nap Time. ) I tried it oncem, lifted the child after about 3 minutes and then told the parent I was unable to care for the child in a way that was so alien to me. My own child was the same age (they were about 13 months at the time) and never, ever left to cry.

YANBU to refuse, but you may have to accept losing the mindee.

Missus84 · 28/02/2010 17:25

Not everyone can afford to live on £123 a week for long LittleMrsHappy!

I think childcarers are well within their rights to refuse to do anything that makes them uncomfortable - and I pretty sure registration with Ofsted requires you to act in the child's best interest and not do anything that may cause them harm. I'd refuse to wean so ridiculously early, smack a child, put a little baby to sleep on their front etc. Up to the parents if they do any of those things though.

PennyTassoni · 28/02/2010 17:28

If you are a registered childminder, you have no choice but to refuse as you are required to follow the Children's Act. The Act states that the welfare of the child is a paramount and as a professional you must do what is in the child's best interests. It would be better though to try to find out why they wish to wean so early. Is it because they want the baby to sleep through the night? Good luck

runnybottom · 28/02/2010 17:28

"Their baby their choice" well its not really when they have involved someone else is it? They might smack their kids but they can't demand a childminder do it too.

Just tell them no as it does not fit with your professional responsibility. You have to accept a distinct possiblity that they will withdraw from your service though.

BertieBotts · 28/02/2010 17:37

I think you could reasonably refuse to feed the child solids before 17 weeks - it's not like they need the nutrition from it at this age anyway, so they can easily go without it during the day and what the parents do at home/before bed etc is up to them ( for the baby though) - 17 weeks is the minimum age recommended for weaning by DoH which is why I feel it is a reasonable minimum to have (barring early weaning on medical advice e.g. in the case of severe reflux).

Breastfeeding until 6 months is completely different, in a childcare setting especially, as some people can't, and what do you expect the CM to do, nurse the child herself? In fact the mother may be providing expressed breast milk, we do not know (neither is it relevant in any case!)

majafa · 28/02/2010 17:45

Looneytunes, & PennyTassoni are right, runnybottom and missus84 also.

As an Ofsted Registered Childminder, she could quite possibly lose her Registration..

BackstreetsOfNaples · 28/02/2010 18:06

Yes it was 16 weeks when my two were babies - not so long ago.

DSil had one either side of this change and adhered to it (i.e. did things differently per child). Both children appear to be fine.

Also - children are different - some kids even at 6 or 7 appear to not care if they never ate anything ever again whereas some are furious at 5 months because they can't have the lovely smelling grub on the table.

cory · 28/02/2010 18:14

Agree with Greensleeves and runnybottom; you don't have to agree with something that you think it not in line with best practices: you offer what you offer.

MollieO · 28/02/2010 18:20

Is there a reason why they want to wean early? Ds was weaned at 9 weeks (corrected age) on advice of his consultant (16 weeks old but born 7 weeks early).

AliGrylls · 28/02/2010 18:33

12 weeks is too young unless they have been told to by a medical professional.

If you feel strongly about it you should say something but give them the chance to explain their logic and allow them the opportunity to have a discussion about it.

If they are reasonable people and you are not too dogmatic about it, they will listen to what you have to say and it would be sad to lose the child over this one incident.

Original poster
Bumnoise · 28/02/2010 18:40

All I know so far is a garbled text message from them saying they were starting/have started and I just replied I would speak to them later about it. Am gearing myself up for the phone call...

Wannabe, yes funnily enough I do put a babies welfare above the £££s strange comment
Littlemisshappy, yes she is off Mat leave and has been since the baby was 8 weeks, I don't know the personal circumstances of that, it's not my business.

I also don't buy into the "well it never did me any harm" school of thought, I was weaned myself at 3 months I believe and have suffered on and off with bowel problems, who is to say it wasn't the weaning early?
I firmly believe that yes guidelines aren't law, but they wouldn't issue them without some research and concern would they?

Someone has sent me a link to Start for Life which I am going to email them tonight and ask them to read and get back to me with their thoughts.

I really hope I don't lose their custom but I suppose it's something I have to expect.

Parents - how would you react if your childminder (gently) refused to early wean? Is there a compromise to be had? Maybe they could do so breakfast and supper only for now? Or is suggesting that still going to be wrong for baby?

OP posts:
addictedtomn · 28/02/2010 18:45

as an x-childminder i can see this from both sides, i was asked by parents to start weaning baby at 12 weeks and then at 6 months was asked to start feeding cows milk. i completely dis-agree with both of these things, however parents wont necessarily understand 'putting the childs needs first' they are the childs parent and so obviously they are putting the childs needs first.

at the end of the day you have 3 choices, 1) just do it, their baby their choice 2) talk it out with them, risk upsetting them, but blame ofsted, and probably end up doing it any way or 3) say you cant and wont do it and loose a client

nellie12 · 28/02/2010 18:47

tbh at that age I wouldn't ask. I'd probably tell them when they started needing lunch.

I think it may be worth asking them why they want to start weaning now.

i cant help but wonder if the combination of a 12 week growth spurt and overtired mum(she must be if she's back at work) is the driving force behind this.

i think if you feel able a supportive conversation and other suggestions may be better than a "i dont do that its not policy" iyswim.

Good luck!

addictedtomn · 28/02/2010 18:50

sorry x-post bumnoise.

but to be completely honest if my choice of childcare questioned to parent my baby my way (inc. weaning when i think its the right time) i am so stubborn i would take my child out and find something else. sorry

AliGrylls · 28/02/2010 18:51

There is a compromise to be had though isn't there. Isn't it that the GI tract closes at 17 weeks (on average)? I started weaning DS at 17 weeks (although for the first few weeks he only had baby rice) because his reflux was really bad and solids actually helped him to keep the food down.

Surely there is a discussion to be had with teh parents about when to start and what to give the child. It is not an issue to be completely dogmatic over - as many people like to point out on here, every child is different.

FabIsDoingPrettyWell · 28/02/2010 18:55

I used to be a nanny and I would have refused to do this and would have continued just giving milk.

pastagirl · 28/02/2010 19:13

if it were me i would feel really uncomfortable weaning a child that early.

the Guidlines changed because research was done and clearly showed that, roughly speaking (meaning weeks) a babies digestive system is not really ready untill 6 months. am sure a lot of children cope fine with food before this but why would you risk your child's chance of tummy bugs and it has got to be uncomfortable for a child of that age to have solids through it's system.

ThAT IS is not to have a go at those who weaned earlier, you can only go with what you got at the time and has been fine for lots and lots of children. but why risk it?

Is a nursery aloud to support weaning that early? i would have thought probably not, so would imagine the same would be for a CM assuming you are goverment inspected

BertieBotts · 28/02/2010 19:22

Yes Ali, the compromise is "It's best not to wean until 26 weeks but you must not start before 17 weeks" which is confusingly worded but basically means any time between 17 and 26 weeks, preferably closer to 26 weeks.

Babies with reflux are a different issue as as you say it helps them keep food down. The benefits of weaning refluxy babies early generally outweigh the risks.

Northernlurker · 28/02/2010 19:32

If I was employing you I would expect you to do things as I asked. If you have scruples about that perhaps you need to reconsider minding such young babies?

Missus84 · 28/02/2010 19:33

No one is employing her, she is self employed. The parents are using her service.