to wonder why some people want their tiny babies to grow up so quickly?

[GlendaTheGrizzlyPiggy]

DPs friend and his partner have a 10 week old DD.

They (proudly) informed us that they have weaned their DD and that she sleeps in her own room at night .

I had to bite my tongue very hard when they told us this and even harder when I saw them spooning baby rice into a tiny screaming babys mouth. The poor thing just kept pushing the food out, they kept spooning it back in.

I just can't get my head around why they want their baby to grow up so quickly. DS is almost 6 months and it's already gone far too quickly for me. Why you'd want to speed up the process is beyond me.

So AIBU for feeling sad (and very slightly judgey) that they arn't making the most of their DDs babyhood?

Redwhiteandblue - I agree, the day DS learned to crawl (at 11.5 months) he became a different person, happier, calmer, less frustrated and less crying. Our lives got so much easier overnight.

"Tiny babies are a nightmare

I wish they were all born around the three-month mark, or later"

That would make for a lot of very sore crotches

Thats fair enough than bubbley - I am also tired and grumpy. Sorry for the savaging!

I wouldn't be inclined to judge them. They probably have grannies, etc. breathing down their necks, telling them all sorts of codswallop about what's best for their baby. The older generation did a lot of things with babies that sound really shocking nowadays. Maybe they feel a lot of pressure from someone near and dear who just won't shutup.

I have no objection to co-sleeping per se, however, I think all parties have to be comfortable with it. I have seen too many people who have had their children in bed with them much to the disgust of (usually the male)the other partner.

We have never had any of our kids in bed with us (apart from weekend and holiday mornings), we used CC post nine months, we have never smacked our children, we weaned two earlier than the other, we bottle fed from two weeks (on formula) and our kids sometimes eat junk, watch too much TV and play on video games. I can find lots of supoposed research support and experts who would agree or (mostly) disagree with the above but we have (in our view and their schools) well rounded, intelligent children.

Personally, I feel this argument is going down the "groundhog day" CC thread.

LeQueen, I would concur with you on this. High incidence of co-sleeping and prolonged breast feeding (beyond 12 months)in Asian and African cultures are largely an economic phenomenon. They correlate negatively with family income and are largely considered a necessity rather than aspirational.

As you say, they all dream of baby monitors and sterilisers......

Just as an anecdote (and I know the multiple of anecdote is not data), when backpacking in India a few years ago we travelled overnight on a sleeper train - 6 bunks in our cabin, 3 of us. We shared with an indian family who had 2 bunks. the dad had a bunk, and the mum was sharing a bunk with her 2 little kids(prob about 2.5 and 1). We told her that actually we had a spare bunk because a friend had decided not to come at the last minute. She had the kids on the spare bunk before you could say "co-sleep".

When my first was a baby, we weaned from 10-12 weeks...it was the norm and by 4-6 months, she was on normal meals and food. She is a really bright teenager and never ill. Just a bit grumpy...a lot grumpy...can you blame that on early weaning and her sleeping in her own cot and room...you can....oh I am such a bad mother!!!!!!!

why do people put a sad face next to "baby sleeping in its own room"? DD went in her own room the day I took her home and everyone loved it this way. DS is a nightmare who at almost 2yo he keeps waking up in the night and coming to our bed, only for us to lead back to his. I'll have a party the night he goes through and stays in his bed. Co-sleeping is not for everyone and it's not a bad thing not to do it. It's also not a sign that you're trying to get your baby to grow up too soon.

And sometimes I do wish I'll wake up in the morning and my toddlers will be 7 yo, they bore the t**s out of me.

I admitted that i looked forward to the 'magical' 6 months when the colic would go away as dd would cry from 9am-9pm everyday,inconsolable it was hell, sorry but thats what i felt. I had PND as well, dh working long hours, me not driving i felt isolated. I was too embarrassed to go out as she would cry up the street and everyone looking. Not everyones early baby days are filled with warm fuzzy memories(I wish they were). It was about 5-6 months when her colic went and i started to enjoy her more and depression lifted.

Btw I always love dd I hope that i dont paint myself as a hard horrid mum, i promise you i am not, just wish that bit over. I can also look back with rose tinted specs at the day i first held her in my arms, and was bf her and the closeness (even if it was short lived, the bf I mean), but the colic no no no

Yes, YABU and judgemental as well. My dd was in her own room from the day she came home from the hospital and she was weaned around the 17 week mark (whatever the guidelines said 2 years ago).

I was blessed to have supportive friends and family when DD was born. I feel sorry for your friend - it can't be easy having someone sit in judgement of her when she has a newborn.

Am with others who wish first 3 months away. And am with you on room thing lequeen- dd was out at 6 weeks wen
Moses basket too small and slept much better on her own in a cot. In fact her sleep always detoriates when shares with us(what link this
has to dh snoring is another point).

And I didn't appreciate judgy so and sos others at baby group saying things about sleeping. I did do all research and in end took decision based on what was best for me (also depressed) dh and dd .

As I understand it at least one of the reasons sleeping in the same room is recommended precisely because you tend to wake each other up. Your breathing/movement in the night wakes or semi-wakes the baby stopping it from falling into too deep a sleep .

That said, we cracked at 4.5 months, you do what you gotta do. I think that might be why dummies are also supposed to have the same effect.

According to my mum's partner she was weaned before leaving hospital at 2 weeks

I don't agree with early weaning at all, but as for wanting to get passed the baby stage, well, I hate to say I but I'm not a big fan of the baby stage so I was keen for it to pass.

I don't know why...and it wasn't probably fair of me at all, but that made me smile...a bit!

Haven't read all thread, but I co-sleep for a very simple reason. So I don't have to get up in the cold in the middle of the night to breast feed. Easy!

I'm not sure you can argue that aspiration for sterilisers and baby monitors is in particularly good thing....one of the most powerful marketing tools used in the developing world to sell formula is the idea that its what rich and educated people use, its aspirational. Until your babies die from malnutrition and disease, thats less middle class.

I have no opinion on what age anyone weans or where their babies sleep, but I must say that guidlines didn't suddenly change from 12 weeks to 6 months, they were min 4 months for many years. I don't understand why people think its some sort of arbitrary made up justification, the science is sound for later weaning, and billions has been spent on the research and promoting, hardly for no reason. Of course its a spectrum, its not set in stone, but its not something you can just dismiss because you don't happen to agree.

Its like anything else, do what you want with your own children, but you can't change the actual facts and scientific research to suit yourself, its rather arrogant. Its like people who insist that formula is exactly the same and as good as breastmilk, because they formula fed and their kids are perfectly healthy. Statistically its likely their children will be healthy, but it doesn't change the fact they'd still be wrong.

In the UK, 2% of babies were given solids by 4 weeks of age, 13% by 8 weeks, 56% by 3 months and 91% by 4 months (Foster et al., 1995).

Things have changed significantly over the last 15-20years

It doesn't mean that my child is any less likely to have a healhy life span than a child who is not weaned now till 6 months.

My husband, nearly 50, is incredibly fit and was weaned at 8 weeks...life changes and practises change with additional research which often can then go round and round in circles, like fashion over a 20 year cycle.

We all do what we can, for the best for our families and we need to be good parents for the whole of their lives, not just the early years

Very true LeQueen. I think the vast majority of us find their own way though and its your choice to do whatever it is you want.

No marketing changes the good quality scientific research that has been replicated over and again and is accepted pratice for many years though

The plural of anecdote is not data. Thats why we have the data. You can choose whether to beleive it and choose whether to utilise it, but its not as subjective as people like to argue.

I was delivering training the other day and one of the ladies in the group was talking to a new mum in the group about weaning her now-14 year old at NINE DAYS.

Her baby was born at 12lbs 2 and sat up in the cot in the hospital. Apparently their story was all over the news at the time.. they were closely watched by a consultant who told them that when the baby started making grabbing movements with his hands that they should start to give him finger foods to try out. So at nine days, they had a pizza in the house and the baby started grabbing and she gave him a crust which he brought to his mouth with no negative incident and weaning began.

She showed us a picture of him at eleven weeks in a christening gown and I swear, he looked like a seven month old. Apparently he is now average weight/height!

I thought it was fascinating!

But in answer to the question, my own 12 week old is growing soooooo fast and although I love to see all the little changes and think he is tremendous fun with his cooing and gurgling right now, I always feel a little sad that as each phases passes it will be gone forever.

People need to find their own way. Like MarshaBrady, I co-slept/breastfed because I couldn't be arsed with the getting up. Not when I could just roll over, put baby on and go back to sleep. My method of parenting is known as "half arsed" and it works extremely well for me.

Quite like the little newborns myself, toddlers drive me up a fucking wall which is why we waited until DS was well past that stage before trying for another. Can't stand the dictatorial little sods. Different strokes. If I could skip the 18mths to 3 years stage I would be extremely happy.

Presumably the friend of the OP loves her baby and only if the OP is very very sure that she is doing everything absolutely 100% correctly should she be judging on this. I reckon that as long as you avoid either extreme of smothering/neglect then kids are going to grow up to be OK, this stuff is pretty much just all window dressing and pissing contests.

My DD was born with an immature digestive system - symptoms of which were reflux, and straining. When she was about 8 weeks, after three solid nights of having no sleep at all with DH snoring on one side and DD making noises like a 40 year old red-meat eater on the karzee (HNNNGHHGHHRRRR!) on the other I cracked and moved her to her own room. I felt spectacularly guilty about this. I confessed to our GP (we have one who specialises in paediatrics) and she said "You have a monitor, don't you? No problem then"

I can sleep in a room with her now it's sorted itself out - but life isn't always straightforward. I could have had her in our room until 6 months - but only if I was prepared to do without sleep altogether and I would have probably ended up so exhausted I would have been a danger to her and myself.