Is my dh being unreasonable to not one to serve a b/feeding mother at the counter???

[twotimes]

Twas talking to the dh this morning when he brought up an incident that happened in work the other day. He was working in a a well known mobile phone shop behind the counter when a woman came in with her daughter and her three kids. Both the women were at the counter discussing mobile options with dh whilst two of the children were running around the shop. All of a sudden mid conversation dh turned to get a phone and when he had turned back the daughter had whopped them out and started b/feeding. And he hasten's to add - with absolutely no modesty, just in her full glory. I should note, the baby was *not8 crying or making a sound before hand. Was he being unreasonable to be mortified??????

Now this isn't completely serious, he wasn't rude, he just carried on serving but felt the need to tell me about it later. He isn't a prude, I b/fed both dc's and all his family b/feed that isn't the issue. What he keeps going on about, is that "she didn't even cover".

At first I just pissed my self laughing (I could literally imagine his face) but then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?

ok but if you're readoing a thread what's going to make you more confident:

"try to be discreet but if you flash it's not the end of the world" I agree with you there stealth. Does make sense.

stleger if someone takes a phone call and the store is full he serves somebody else, and they're advised to do it.

There is a huge difference between hiding in corner covered in a shawl and exposing both breasts to a male house guest, though@runnybottom.

I'm not defending ABD, btw. I don't think the woman in his example should have 'asked permission' to BF in her own home. A gentle warning might have been nice, though - along the lines of 'I need to feed my baby now' .

Dropping your dungers and going full frontal is just unnecessary, really.

Why? Because he suggested that she ask if he minded feeding the baby? I think you are over-analysing here, I am certain he did not mean it in that way, he was illustrating what type of thing she could have said that would have at least warned him that she intended to feed, instead of just dropping her dungarees to expose her breasts. For a split-second I am sure he wasn't aware of her intention at all - imagine if a woman did that in front of your dh. We would all assume that she was about to feed, men are not that assumptive.

And this "especially from someone who expects women to hide in corners covered in shawls if they dare to venture outside." from you - is that a reference to ABD? Are you accusing him of that or is that a rant against men in general?

This thread is depressing. I've heard very similar thinly veiled bigotism from people regarding issues which most of us think unacceptable...

"I've nothing against gays / disabled / muslim / black people at all. I just think they should try to 'fit in', not make a fuss and not push themselves down my throat. There's a time and a place after all. I'd rather not have to be exposed to all that, thanks very much."

Not a nice attitude. It isn't any better if you find yourself echoing those sentiments towards breastfeeding mothers.

Get over this "discretion" nonsense, you dozy judgers. Do you expect bottle feeding mothers to be discreet? Thought not.

It's NEVER 'rude' or 'insensitive' 'selfish' 'inconsiderate' 'exhibitionist' or anything else derogotary to just feed a baby whenever, whereever. It's not for YOU to dictate HOW a mother should feed, what she should wear, when she should feed, where she should sit or anything else.

Do YOU never eat or drink in public? It's just feeding folks. Not dirty, rude or unnecessary. Just mundane feeding.

It's 2010 folks. We're supposed to be enlightened. It's really time to get over it now. Leave off with judging breastfeeding mothers. Let them be. Leave us to get on with feeding our babies without all the judgemental bile.

OP, Your dh did serve her, so good. But, you asked if your dh was unreasonable to "not want to" serve her. Apply that question to any one of the minority groups I mentioned earlier and see if you think it's an acceptable attitude to take.

lol!@thesecodncoming

Is your friend otherwise sane?

PMSL at lying in a ball pool (norks out or in??) to leap on and feed the unsuspecting toddler - like something out of a ben stiller comedy

do i mean ben stiller?? not good with actors

Rhubarb this is quote from ABD
"However, I do think that sitting discretely in a corner turned away from other customers or with a scarf or shawl over their shoulder is the way to do it."

It came from him not runnybottom.

ABetaDad - I do think your post contains some of the confusions that remain around bf.

Why is it remotely relevnt that neither your DW nor her DH were present? Ah, hat would presumably be because you have some faint connection between the sight of nursing breasts with the sexual connotations which would require a chaperone or protection againts any 'infidelity'. In that case, with you feeling like that, is it any wonder that your own wife felt inhibited about feeding in public?

Also the changing of a nappy - well, that is unhygenic. bf is not. There is no connection or comparison (beyond 'natural - but that is a meaningless comparison because ther are thousands of 'natural' happenings which are incompatibe with cafe tables). Bf is hygenic, simpley a means of feeding, and the only problem in public is in the mind of the onlooker. i.e it is THEIR problem. In this case, YOUR problem. Until women can be assured that that is the case, then bf will alway put women in a condition of shame, embarrassment or apology. Which is wrong in every way. IMO.

Was she not wearing anything under her dungarees?

Blu, if she was wearing nipple tassells you are going to be
On the assumption she wasn't, your post is spot on

And to all of you who bf and are now preening about how discreetly you managed to do it, well think on, will you?

You had the choice to feed publicly because most thinking, intelligent people have learned to accept your choice. But many others barely tolerate that choice, and those nasty attitudes will never change as long as we have the hypocracy to maintain the attitude of "my way is the only polite way. Your way is rude"

It is only because of people challenging that attitude that YOU have (quite rightfully) escaped judgement and criticism. Why would you perpetuate the unfairness?

Well I must be the only one who agrees with ABD then - not about the shawl bit though, sod that!

Yes it is uncommon for a man to be on his own in a woman's house for a playdate and yes there are always going to be awkward moments. Don't blame ABD for that, blame society.

If she got her full norks out without explaining first then I think that is rude. How many of you feminist feeders would take out both norks in front of a male guest without first making it obvious that you were going to feed? You'd have a bit of politeness first surely?

Oh and dh's dad does actually think it rude and common to eat in public - i.e. in the street. A trait that has passed down to his son. Dh's dad however has no problem with his daughters or daughters-in-law breastfeeding in front of him. He's a dairy farmer so he's used to it

I think the problems lie with they fact that ABD felt comfortable going to someones house who was wearing dungarees with nothing under them, no bra, no top nanda!

Surely that'd have been a sign that things were not quite right?

I also think expecting someone to say do you mind if i BF in their own home is a very a bit ridiculous but i think that was more bad wording on his part, than what he really thinks, i hope!

SG I thought it was badly worded too, but nothing more than that.

ABD did she twiddle her other nipple at you whilst feeding?

Did you have milk in your tea?

"How many of you feminist feeders would take out both norks in front of a male guest without first making it obvious that you were going to feed?"
I do agree it would be 'normal' to indicate in some way that a feed was about to start - famous muslin over the shoulder, or even picking the baby up. I can see why ABD (if it went exactly as he said) felt awkward and I would too, have to admit - if he literally turned round to see her with her dungaree top down there'd have been a "WHat the-?" moment. But she obviously doesn't agree with me!

I have B/F mine in shops, altho never stood up to do it unless I had started B/F while sat down, and then had to stand to go get one of my others.

I did cover up once I got the hang of it all, but I do remember with DD1 not qite being able to work out how to feed with my top pulled up, so was at that point in button shirts (stole from DH). Mind you, I distinctly remember going into mothercare each time she needed feeding until someone took pity on me and taught me how to B/F and cover up!

as for 'whopping them both out'....If I had done that, I would have flooded anyone in a 3ft radius........I sprayed for England with let-down when I fed.

good for your DH for carrying on.......she would be running to the DM otherwise!

Ah but bedlam, unfortunately you cannot do that.

There was this programme where this naked guy rambled across the Lakes. It was for comedy effect but my first thought was "good on him!" However reactions from others ranged from open-mouthed staring to a man throwing hot coffee at his genitals.

I applaud people who want to go naked, why the hell not? I wouldn't do it, but then if enough people did perhaps I would lose my inhibitions. Yet society tells us that we cannot do that in public, that it's indecent. Which is why I tend to blame society rather than people, because they grow up thinking that bare flesh is somehow wrong and rude.

Did she flash her ankles at you too, ABD? Shocking! A century ago that would have been considered a most inappropriate display.

How did our society ever get past that taboo? Certain brave people challenged the norm and put themselves in a vulnerable position open to criticism in order to change attitudes.

How the hell are things meant to change if supposedly intelligent, free thinking adults such as the ones who debate here would rather remain part of the weird hangups and prejudices rather than being part of the force for change?

I bf DD in a sling walking round tesco (admittedly she was tiny - only 2 or 3 days) in an area that has dreadful bf rates. I had nothing but "ahhhh baby" looks, and one woman who congratulated me on bf. That's what I'm used to and I think 90% of the population are either pro-bfip or don't care one way or the other. Unfortunately the 10% are the vocal ones

and watch gmtv

tits=sex
tits=sex
tits=sex
tits=sex

Thats what breasts mean in the UK. Its everywhere. Unfortuntately I dont think that'll ever change therefore BF mums will always be subject to rudeness, leering and tut tutting.

As mums we should support other mums in their choices on how they feed, whether its discreet or the whole boob out. I could NEVER feed DS1 without getting my whole boob out, therefore NEVER fed in public because I was worried about the reaction, I spent ages and ages expressing into a bottle, or trying to time my trips out so I would be home in time to feed. It put alot of stress on me that I didm't need. Now I'm a little bit older and wiser I kick myself for my attitude and wish I could've done it differently.