Is my dh being unreasonable to not one to serve a b/feeding mother at the counter???

[twotimes]

Twas talking to the dh this morning when he brought up an incident that happened in work the other day. He was working in a a well known mobile phone shop behind the counter when a woman came in with her daughter and her three kids. Both the women were at the counter discussing mobile options with dh whilst two of the children were running around the shop. All of a sudden mid conversation dh turned to get a phone and when he had turned back the daughter had whopped them out and started b/feeding. And he hasten's to add - with absolutely no modesty, just in her full glory. I should note, the baby was *not8 crying or making a sound before hand. Was he being unreasonable to be mortified??????

Now this isn't completely serious, he wasn't rude, he just carried on serving but felt the need to tell me about it later. He isn't a prude, I b/fed both dc's and all his family b/feed that isn't the issue. What he keeps going on about, is that "she didn't even cover".

At first I just pissed my self laughing (I could literally imagine his face) but then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?

I don't think discretion harms the bf-ing cause at all. The thing a lot of mothers seem to worry about is how to feed in public with their fear being that they will have to expose everything.

Whether it does or doesn't, I didn't breastfeed to further the cause or set an example to others. I did it to feed my babies.

I'm fairly certain I managed not to offend anyone or compromise myself whilst doing it too. A win all round IMO.

runny bottom - do you mean separate?

Agree with display.

Everyone is going on about the sexualisation of breasts etc. Yes, fine, but it's not socially acceptable to get your non-bfing tits fully out either! I don't understand exactly how exposed boobs need to be when bfing, surely not fully out? I don't particularly want to see anyone's tits going about my daily life, a bit of skin when bfing, fine, but a lot more than that no, and I don't care whether they're sexualised or not.

But my point, display is perhaps my idea of discretion is not yours? And who decides which is okay?
I know some peoples idea of discreet is don't do it outside your house. Or even in your house if anyone else is there. Some is outside but only in a particular feeding room. Some say under a blanket. Some say wear 2 tops and pull one up one down. Some say babies head covers most of it anyway.....

You can;t just say "be discreet" because it doesn't mean anything. And I personally don't find discretion my foremost thought when my baby is hungry, yes it matters (to me, a little) but not as much as he does. And if that makes me some sort of flagrant militant breastfeeder I really don't care, because if you think your comfort level should be more important than his need and right to food, then I don't care much for what you think anyway.

I don't think its a problem anyway, as I don't beleive a word of these stories of women wandering around nearly naked to feed in public.

"if you think your comfort level should be more important than his need and right to food, then I don't care much for what you think anyway."

pmsl runny bottom
That's exactly the attitude I was commenting on!
You must be right of course, by discreetly feeding my baby without drawing attention to my bare breasts in public, I am a bad mother.

Yes hilarious. No, wait I mean idiotic.

Why take my point and gratuitously reverse it on to yourself? There is no implication that you must be a "bad mother", whatever that is, in my posts, however you feel free to imply I am a joke because I am not uber-obsessed that no-one ever catches a sight of my nipple. Maybe its just because I'm a foreigner and I don't have an English hang up about body parts.

Whatever. You're discreet. Well done you. You want a fucking medal as well?

Yes please. Make sure it's a big one so it covers my boobs.

I thought we agreed that if a woman wants to be discreet that's fine and should be supported?

Who is judging you, displayuntilbestbefore? Surely the unwarranted disapproval is being directed towards women who can't or won't feed their babies as others deem appropriate?

Doing a double take at seeing someting unusual, that's a human reaction. As is allowing yourself to think "I would never do that myself"

However it's a step too far to think it is reasonable to conclude "I would never do that, and therefore you should not either. Please conform to MY personal sensibilities."

Eek, just read through this thread.

Whatever the rights and wrongs (and yes, we can all have different opinions), the reality in the UK is that we have appalling b/fing rates.

B/fing is not easy and I think any mum who manages it deserves not only a medal but the support of all those around her. Whether you prefer discretion or not yourself, lets be tolerant, please, of others and give all b/fing mums our support, however they manage it (and whatever we might think in private).

well said chicca

Whilst I appreciate the need to feed your baby (& I bf dd1 til 2 & dd2 is 10 mnths & still bf) I would not feed my child in a shop (breast, bottle, sandwich, chicken nuggets etc) whilst being served by someone (man or woman).
In a cafe/restaurant/parent room fine, but why chose to whip em out (if she did) in a shop? How uncomfortable, I need a comfy chair & a cup of tea please (grin)

Maybe she didn't have time to sit down in a cafe. Sometime you just need to get stuff done.

said much better than me, verylittlecarrot, nice one. And chicca too.

\But I don't - so do you disapprove?
And the chicken nuggets thing is not relevant, we are talking about a baby - babies don't understand "just 5 minutes while I sign this contract"

Stealth - that's rubbish. A baby can wait while you finish a conversation, pull the car over to a safe parking spot, go to the bathroom, finish your phonecall.

No baby will perish just because his mother doesn't immediately latch him onto the breast at the first sign of hunger. I'm not saying you neglect their needs, but this idea that a BF baby needs to be fed the second it makes it known it needs food is rubbish.

Sorry, that wasn't supposed to sound as blunt as it looked!

To those of you who feed discreetly - some people will see you feeding discreetly and think that you are disgusting, that you should be locked away behind closed doors or use bottles rather than feed outside of your own homes.

It's not a nice feeling to know that people think that about you, just for feeding your baby, is it?

Why would you want to replicate that attitude, even in a small way?

Sorry, I should have said "to those of you who feed discreetly and feel that that is the only appopriate way to feed in public"

I am wondering how many of you who advocate the exposed feeding approach sunbathe topless?

Is it ok to bare your breasts because you want to get an even suntan?

Why are those of us who are uncomfortable with other people looking at our breasts while feeding such a let down to the whole BF world.

I dont understand why women have to kick the crap out of each other for the choices we make every day.

I dont want anyone looking at my breasts. However I encourage every pregnant female I know, and some I dont on MN, to BF as it is wonderful and the most rewarding part of early motherhood.

And since when was it so bad to show consideration for our fellow human beings. Perhaps if we all showed more consideration we would'nt have young mothers being thrown off buses etc!

I agree Ronshar.

My breasts are private. I don't sunbathe topless and I dont plan to breast feed in the car phone warehouse. I am totally pro breast feeding though in whatever manner makes the woman feel most comfortable. Norks out at the tescos checkout or under a blanket in the corner. Its an individual choice. We are not letting anyone down with either approach.

However provided people don't actively dicriminate against ladies who breast feed, the bloke in the car phone warehouse has every right to go home and tell his missus that someone breastfed at his till point that day and he thought it was a bit off. It doesnt make him some sort of prudish breastfeeding Nazi. Its just his opinion innit.

Exactly Bewler.

This thread is really very upsetting.

I struggled dreadfully to feed DC2 - she was fussy and difficult to latch.

Sometimes, there was no choice but to feed her in public (either that or keep DC1 housebound for eight months) and I used to sit feeding with tears streaming down my face.

I didn't want to "whop them out" [vile] nor to "flash" my breasts, but they were enormous and I often did. I tried with muslins and corner tables, but babies rarely like the former and the latter are not always available.

"its very very VERY easy to feed in public without exposing your whole milk engorged tit"
Nice

I am pleased to see you both, ronshar and Bewler
We should be pleased we are all BFing not accusing one group of letting the side down by being too private about it.

Sorry if this has already been said, but let's tell it like it really is:
why do many people feel uncomfortable about women breastfeeding (and insist on it being done 'discreetly'), whilst not batting an eye at revealing summer tops or even page 3 girls? Because BF involves a child sucking a breast and drinking fluid from that breast. And even whilst many will acknowledge the fluid as best for the child, they perceive the actual action as shocking because this action is foremostly seen as a sexual one in this society, and 'sexual' actions are not performed in public. Therefore the only way to reconcile this in their minds with the benefit of BF to the child, is for the action to be shrouded in layers of 'discretion'. Sign of a people at arms-length from what they really are. Sad really. While breasts are so overtly sexualised by both men and women, this will always be the case I think. Not all societies around the world view breasts as sexual, some women in other parts of the world live their daily lives completely bare-breasted, but cover their legs (which are viewed sexually).

That sums it up nicely display so I'm off to bed