Is my dh being unreasonable to not one to serve a b/feeding mother at the counter???

[twotimes]

Twas talking to the dh this morning when he brought up an incident that happened in work the other day. He was working in a a well known mobile phone shop behind the counter when a woman came in with her daughter and her three kids. Both the women were at the counter discussing mobile options with dh whilst two of the children were running around the shop. All of a sudden mid conversation dh turned to get a phone and when he had turned back the daughter had whopped them out and started b/feeding. And he hasten's to add - with absolutely no modesty, just in her full glory. I should note, the baby was *not8 crying or making a sound before hand. Was he being unreasonable to be mortified??????

Now this isn't completely serious, he wasn't rude, he just carried on serving but felt the need to tell me about it later. He isn't a prude, I b/fed both dc's and all his family b/feed that isn't the issue. What he keeps going on about, is that "she didn't even cover".

At first I just pissed my self laughing (I could literally imagine his face) but then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?

Actually, there is an app for that....

I am not getting through here am I???? No-one is saying mothers should hide in a stinky toilet FFS, just that its very very VERY easy to feed in public without exposing your whole milk engorged tit thats all! is that such a problem ???

I think its the whip-the-whole-mam-out brigade that make people uncomfortable, then make it harder for the vast majority of ppl that manage to do it with some discretion

Sassy, do you not view your breasts as sexual then? Never got sexual pleasure out of having them touched? Never stuck em in a low cut top for a hot date?

As many of us have said on this thread - breasts can clearly be both sex objects and for feeding your baby.

im going to go against the grain, if this woman was dealing with your dh and she started BFing her child, i would thnk she was being quite rude tbh. And i am a BF nazi, i got my tits out anywhere convenient for ME to do so - whilst buying a mobile phone when the poor sod wont know where to look whilst trying to talk to her about her fecking i-phone is a bit off i think. If her baby needed feeding, she should have gone to a cafe before hand or waited until she finished her transaction - i know it takes a while in a phone shop but even so - like i said, my breasts have been on full display all over town but not where i have a captive audience

SPB, to rephrase your post in a less polite way:

Would people be offended if a mother whopped a bottle out and fed her baby with it in plain open view of everyone? No? Then shut it. The end.

"its very very VERY easy to feed in public without exposing your whole milk engorged tit thats all"
for you it is. You can't generalise on your own experience

Bewler, the day that I allow any part of my body to be labelled as a sex object is the day when I'll put a fresh ribbon in my hair and refresh my lippy before DH comes in from work 'simper'

"just that its very very VERY easy to feed in public thats all! is that such a problem ???

I think its the whip-the-whole-mam-out that make people uncomfortable, then make it harder for the vast majority of ppl that manage to do it with some discretion"

Why is it that in some cultures where women are very discrete in their dress, people have no problem at all with seeing a breast uncovered for a baby to suckle?

I used to live in Kenya. When you went down to the coast you'd rarely see Kenyan women in swimsuits or bikinis - they'd swim covered up. But nobody blinked an eye if a mother uncovered her breast to feed a baby.

Why on earth should we have to be discrete if breastfeeding isn't an intrinsically indecent act?

The constant harping on about the importance of 'discretion' to protect other people's squeamish feelings about lactation is harmful to breastfeeding in this country - it makes breastfeeding women feel self-conscious and unwelcome.

without exposing your whole milk engorged tit" "I think its the whip-the-whole-mam-out

The crudeness of your language and the imagery you use speaks volumes about your feelings about breastfeeding. You basically find it disgusting don't you?

I don't think he was being unreasonable to be mortified, some men do get embarrassed (as do women), as whatever their sensibilities they are worried that they will look in the wrong place, or be perceived to be looking or not looking, or that they look embarrassed or don't etc etc.

The important thing is what people do with their feelings, he respected the mother's right to do this and carried on serving. FFair play to him.

Oh god. Snore. Breasts and bottles are not the same, as much as we might like them to be. Feed wherever the frig you like and be comfortable in your choice but don't expect everyone to act like your boob is invisible.

Yes being offended by breasts is an extreme reaction. To discriminate against a breast feeding woman or make her feel uncomfortable is down right wrong. But being shocked, a bit embarrassed, uncomfortable and to think someone is a bit off to do in carphone warehouse when you're putting their iphone through the till is not unreasonable.

lol @ this thread

In answer to the op's question, yes she had every right to feed where she wanted and how she wanted, if 'whopping them out' is her preferred method then so be it

But your dp had a perfectly normal response imo. I've bf both my children and have seen many people bf yet if I was talking to someone, turned away momentarily only to turn back and suddenly be confronted with them with their boob out I would be a little shocked! Maybe if there was some indicator to begin with, baby crying etc and it was expected but in this case it obviously wasnt and your dp reacted very well given the situation

(Sorry, havent read whole thread)

So let me get this straight. Some people on this thread think that BFing in public is good but that we should be discreet about it in certain circumstances, other people think BFing in public is good but that we should draw attention to ourselves so that others know we aren't afraid to BF in public?

So everyone thinks BFing is a good thing yet some BFing mothers are sniping at other BFing mothers for defending their preference for attempting a bit of discretion while BFing?

FFS

I loathe the idea that breasts belong to men or to babies. My breasts are mine. I have chosen to use them to feed my baby, I have used them to fill out a dress pleasingly, I've enjoyed them being caressed by my partner. I'm a bit about them being described as sex objects but Sassy I'm equally about them being regarded as feeding stations. They may have evolved as mammary glands but over millenia they have become all that and more, imo. I don't simper.

Hmm, through provoking comment there titty (your name speaks volumes!!)

I suppose I do find it a bit gross TBH. sorry, but I do. Now thats not to say I am anti, in no way. I did it for 6 months and will with DC2 too. Burt sweet jesus I HATED doing it in front of my dad, brother and male relatives. I dont think they relished it much either! But I still did it!

and yes when my tits were so engorged that they nearly stood up on their own, I thought it was gross and frankly my own tits replulsed me. I miss them being medium sized, further apart, tanned and in a wonder bra, end of

So I think we need to agree to disagree

I will do it dicreetly
You get em out, and I will avert my gaze

end of. amen

"yet some BFing mothers are sniping at other BFing mothers for defending their preference for attempting a bit of discretion while BFing?"

That's a bit of a distortion isn't it?

Nobody's argued that "we should draw attention to ourselves so that others know we aren't afraid to BF in public?"

The point I made was that constantly harping on about the importance of 'discretion' has the affect of stigmatising breastfeeding.

I'm quite happy if other people want to cover their breast when they feed. I just resent the implication that somehow it's impolite or improper not to - as though breastfeeding is an intrinsically indecent act that ought not be seen by other people.

porca - feel sorry for you that you disliked your body when you were breastfeeding.

But I'm sure your baby's eyes lit up when you undid you bra!

My breasts are my breasts. When my babies were small, yes, they were used to feed them but my DH was also pretty interested in them and they featured in my sex life. Of course they are sexual features as well as there for feeding. How silly to say they are not sexual at all.
It is the very fact that my breasts are my breasts and no-one else's that I chose to be discreet about BFing when in public. I clothe myself when I go out of the house so didn't see anything different with re-covering up my breasts during BFing once I'd got my snorting slurping child latched on and would do the same if I had another baby now.
If you want to wave a flag to tell everyone you're BFing and that they can stick it up their arse if you show them a nipple, that's your decision, but there's no call for accusing more discreet BFing mothers of being ashamed of BFing or somehow letting down womankind.

titty - if you look at the earlier parts of the thread there were some comments that women who use a muslin or shawl when they BF are ashamed and aren't helping the BFing campaign.

Agree with the last few posts.

Sassy - your view of breasts being udders soley intended for feeding of an infant is as extreme as the view of boobs being sex objects solely intended for the gratification of men and in which your husband is entitled to "a share".

There is a happy middle ground which doesn't entail ribbons or simpering!

When I have our first in the summer I am planning on BF-ing, but I'm also planning on covering up as much as possible. Not at all because I am ashamed, far from it, but I am a very private, modest (in the sense of privacy/prudity) person, and the thought of other seeing my breasts makes me uncomfortable. Doesn't mean others have to feel that way, nor that I should be ashamed of my feelings.

MrsC I think SPB's advice to "cover up as much as you want but don't worry if you 'fail' every now and then " is sound indeed.

I never 'got' covering up - even though I had been painfully shy about that kind of exposure pre-dcs, I must admit that I turned into a bit of an exhibitionist during the (extended) bf episodes. I was never criticised but there were a few ogling types now and again and tense middle-aged childless couples. I never found the older generation to be a problem but I cringed at the way the would want to have a ten minute conversation about the benefits of bf (always the same points covered).

Breasts are sexual organs. Maybe some of you are too busy bf-ing to remember that

at tweedy