Is my dh being unreasonable to not one to serve a b/feeding mother at the counter???

[twotimes]

Twas talking to the dh this morning when he brought up an incident that happened in work the other day. He was working in a a well known mobile phone shop behind the counter when a woman came in with her daughter and her three kids. Both the women were at the counter discussing mobile options with dh whilst two of the children were running around the shop. All of a sudden mid conversation dh turned to get a phone and when he had turned back the daughter had whopped them out and started b/feeding. And he hasten's to add - with absolutely no modesty, just in her full glory. I should note, the baby was *not8 crying or making a sound before hand. Was he being unreasonable to be mortified??????

Now this isn't completely serious, he wasn't rude, he just carried on serving but felt the need to tell me about it later. He isn't a prude, I b/fed both dc's and all his family b/feed that isn't the issue. What he keeps going on about, is that "she didn't even cover".

At first I just pissed my self laughing (I could literally imagine his face) but then I thought seriously, people should be able to b/feed but at a counter in a shop, with no discretion?

In response to the OP, I have BF in all sorts of places, but I do cover myself as I don't want everyone to see my boobs.

I personally wouldn't BF at a counter in a mobile phone shop, right in someones face like that. A bit too close for my own comfort I would think.

That's just me, not saying the woman was wrong, just not my style.

By abetadad: "Just to be clear, I do think it is nice to see women BF in public places like restaurants and shopping centres etc. However, I do think that sitting discretely in a corner turned away from other customers or with a scarf or shawl over their shoulder is the way to do it"

someone else said it too - I def wasn't thinking of ABD

twotimes - you are assuming too much about me. You have no idea about me and my experience of prejudice, nor mine and my family's minority status. Your attitude is very hypocritical.

If someone is suffering from discrimination or bigotry, I don't need them to fall into a pre-approved list of acceptable minority groups before they have my sympathy and support. I don't have less sympathy for the woman who got chucked off a bus into the rain the other day because she was a bf mum, than I would if she had been chucked off for being black, or gay or disabled or whatever you deem 'worthy'.

Her experience was just as horrendous, whatever the stupid reason the bus driver thought he had. She needs to be as protected in law as the other groups.

"It is only because of people challenging that attitude that YOU have (quite rightfully) escaped judgement and criticism. Why would you perpetuate the unfairness?"

How exactly am I perpetuating the unfairness? Personally I think that women who manage to feed without anyone noticing do more for the public image of bf-ing than any (minority) who want to flaunt it. The ones who you think are just cuddling their baby until you notice that they're feeding, the ones that make other mothers/other people think "wow, I had no idea you could breastfeed like that." I don't think those who flash are "brave" at all, nor do I think they are changing things for the better.

I didn't need to flash my breasts or make a big deal about feeding in public, I just did it and in 5 years I never had one single negative comment and never took myself off to a separate room (after initial PFB days when I wanted to ). I would hope that anyone who did see me thought it was amazing that I could breastfeed a baby without it having to be obvious.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1253678/Young-mother-thrown-bus-accused-indecent-exposure-br eastfeeding-baby.html

haven't read whole thread but think think your husband was right to carry on and just accept this mum although a little bit shocked at the lack of discretion. However having just readthis article in Daily Mail ( what more can i expect) I was truly shocked by somew of the comments and of the attitude of bus driver. I Would have sat there and let him called police!!

I have seen Somali women, wearing full jilbab and hijab, whipping out a boobie in full view of Actual Men. I love it. Total desexualisation of the boobies, it's great.

Why would you wait until a baby was crying before you fed it, BTW?

Rhubarb - I will have a look at your blog. My Dad was a dairy farmer too.

verylittlecarrot - now you are talking. I DO like a well turned ankle and a graceful neck.

Can I just add something?

When I was a new mum to dd I was a hesitant breastfeeder. My dh was very supportive but my family, in general, were not. So I had no real experience and was very nervous of feeding around anyone.

Dh's family were all breastfeeders, openly so. When I went to visit I felt almost sneered at when I excused myself to go upstairs to feed. Dh's brother's wife had a baby 2 weeks after mine and she would have no qualms about settling herself on the sofa, in front of FIL and openly feed her baby and she would almost condemn me for not doing the same. I knew they were judging me for being a prude and possibly even snobby, but I wasn't, I was just very shy and lacking in confidence.

Yes women should be able to feed where they want, in an ideal world. But just be careful that your militant and rebellious views are not putting pressure on women to publicly feed when it is the last thing they want to do.

I've seen women on this forum and others being berated for daring to cover up whilst feeding.

It works both ways.

"Yes women should be able to feed where they want, in an ideal world. "
Yes, agree, and if that's another room then fine. I do know that in my experience that would have led to a lot of unnecessary jiggling to quieten a baby when a feed would have just done the trick. But other people make different choices.

I covered up when I fed, people even commended me for how discrete (discreet?) I was - I must be as amazing as soupdragon then.

Doesn't mean I think it's the only way though.

Soupy - I have always fed just like you, very discreetly. My choice. And yes, I think it can encourage nervous mums to try feeding when they see that they may not have to expose everything.

But some mums can't manage 'discretion' to someone else's arbitrary standards.

And it would be very daunting to feed if you had to face the volume of judging seen on this thread wouldn't it?

We differ on this point - just because I have been able to feed discreetly, I do not feel that my way is the only acceptable way. I don't feel that women who can't or won't feed discreetly are letting the side down. I'd rather there was less criticism, regardless of whatever technique suits a bf mum. That way the choice to feed discreetly or not would be a purely practical one, rather than one borne out of fear of criticism.

verity I'm not assuming anything about your background just commenting on your post. "I don't have less sympathy for the woman who got chucked off a bus into the rain the other day because she was a bf mum, than I would if she had been chucked off for being black, or gay or disabled or whatever you deem 'worthy'.

Her experience was just as horrendous, whatever the stupid reason the bus driver thought he had. She needs to be as protected in law as the other groups."

verity she was chucked off of a bus, pretty shit actually, and bang out of order, you maybe asked to leave a premises, again very shit but how about you tell that to someone like Stephen Lawrence's mum and ask her to sympathise. Or less dramatic people who are stopped in their cars by police because they fit the stereotype, or the muslim woman who was spat at, or the gay person beaten up because of his sexual orientation. I've never heard of somebody being punched in the face, simply because they were b/feeding You cannot compare the two types of prejudice and racism. It's ignorant at the very least. Seriously am I the only one who disagrees with her

No you're not, twotimes.

I totally agree that breasts are for feeding children but unless you have children and have seen breasts for their true purpose they remain sexualised to most people. Therefore its wrong to expect people not to be shocked at the sudden full on exposure of a breast in a public place. You can't help how you feel, its your subsequent behaviour which is important and if YOU discreetly look the other way and carry on then no harm done. If YOU make a big fuss and feel offended and make the breastfeeding woman (who probably no longer sees her breasts as purely sexualised objects) then that puts you in the wrong because, as everyone has pointed out, breast feeding is natural.
If a woman without a child pulled down her top and exposed her breast would people be expected to turn a blind eye as after all its just a mamary gland for feeding a baby? No because everything in society makes you think wooo a boob! Not everyone sees breasts in the same light.

verylittlecarrot, I agree with your last post.

But I also understand why people are surprised to see a woman expose herself fully when feeding. Just because it's not something you see every day.

That doesn't mean I understand why people discriminate against breastfeeding women. That speaks about their own personal issues that they need to work on. No-one on this thread is discriminating that I can see. There are varied reactions to covered feeding and exposed feeding, but no discrimination.

To agree (I think) with Rhubarb's point...

It is wrong to judge a woman for wanting to feed privately or discreetly. That is a perfectly valid choice which should be met with support and encouragement.

It is equally wrong to judge a woman for NOT wanting to feed privately or discreetly. That is a perfectly valid choice which should be met with support and encouragement.

Fair enough?

It DOES work both ways.

I do understand the surprised reaction - that is to be expected.

But there are still some unpleasant undertones on here Rhubarb.

Of general disapproval, not just surprise. Some people still feel that it should be hidden away (because it is somehow wrong?) and that it is OK to consider it unacceptable to feed in certain ways.

It would be far nicer if none of us felt the need to be so prescriptive and judgemental about how a mother chooses to feed her children.

People will ALWAYS be judgemental. Its whether you care about being judged that's important! I'm not sure I could withstand the "put em away" looks that one might attract from openly breast feeding in public so I will probably try and find myself a cosy corner. I would like to be someone who could "whop em out" and to hell with what the bloke in the carphone warehouse thinks but I would be too aware of the fact that my breast is not a mamary gland to everyone - to some it remains a big pink nork that they are going to gaup at and assume that I am some sort of exhibitionist for showing so much of in public! We will be waiting a long time if we wait for society to make us feel comfortable about our choices.

Bewler - you are the voice of reason.

"We will be waiting a long time if we wait for society to make us feel comfortable about our choices. "
so be part of the change!
TBH I am not an exhibitionist and am quite shy about my body, but I have been too tired to care about who sees what and how they might react that it has become second nature to me now,

Those of you saying it's what breasts are for etc are being a little naive. Yes of course that's what they are for, no one is denying that and I know you don't like to hear it but breasts do also have sexual connotations, that's why men go apeshit over them otherwise no one would give a monkey's. Of course you should be able to bf wherever, but culturally, women don't stroll through M&S topless in this country, it's a big ask to expect people not to bat an eyelid if that's your approach.