To now dislike my dd's class teacher after finding her on MN?

[absinthe]

She wasn't very complementary about the little dah-lings in her care and I am silently fuming now. I completely randomly feel upon her user name and looked at her profile on the off chance that it might be her and there she was - pics n' all. She does not post a lot but one of her posts would put her in line for at least a formal warning if not more.

Can't say who she is but it is definitely her - without a shadow of a doubt.

I have never had MN cross over into RL before. Is it wrong of me to glance at her generally boring posts, just because it's her?

Maybe I could drop subtle hints about the fact that I use MN too just to see her reaction.

In any case, I think it was a bit sloppy and feel she should have taken more care to make herself anonymous.

generALising

'On the contrary some of the posters, who did not condone your own actions, have said that discovering the default setting on amazon wishlists is public was one useful thing from this thread.'

Like me LOAJ. Although I thanked you for explaining how to change it.
I'm allowed to be an IT clutz, I started teaching before PCs and the internet and have been playing catchup ever since.

I'm a teacher.

I don't post photos on here, & if I have reason to think I've become too easily identifiable, I name-change.

I also don't post anything, anywhere on the internet without (at the very back of my mind) having a mental picture of the Head carpetting me & demanding I account for myself.

It's the world we live in...& teachers do attract the occasional nutjob parent who feels the need to worry too much about our personal lives.

My personal favourite was the dad who emailed his daughter's Head Teacher to complain that he'd run into one of his dd's teachers in a local strip joint & no longer wanted such a depraved individual teaching his dd, thank you very much...

Didn't know about the Amazon wishlist being searchable - I don't use it. Very odd to snoop into it, though, IMO.

"nutjob parent who feels the need to worry too much about our personal lives" Oh, how rude - If a teacher decides to criticise your child and her friends in her personal life whilst remaining clearly identifiable online, she is asking for the crossover to be reciprocated by the parent in the other direction. I would not want a nutjob making important decisions concerning my child by the same token. One would have to be bloody dim not to appreciate that?

She wasn't doing herself any favours by being identifiable online, as she's clearly realised.

However, there's a gulf between being justifiably aggrieved because your child's teacher, identifiable as such, is criticising your child and her friends (also by extension identifiable, if only to you) - & nosing into her shopping. Or rather even, her browsing.

The latter isn't much removed from going round to her house & going through her bins, tbh...

Nothing to do with "poor ol' me" on my behalf thank you Absinthe. I gave no reasons for changing my settings. But you read your thread and if you are dismissing the reasons some people gave for changing their settings as "poor ol' me" that really is harsh and quite difficult to understand.

The use of the word "some" wouldve worked fine and been quite enough if you wanted to generalise a bit less.

Accusing me of trying to reignite people who you feel have attacked you so that you receive a "bashing" is unfair and I fail to see where you have any grounds for it. I havent made any comment whatsoever on your situation with your childs teacher so to claim I am trying to provoke people into "bashing" you is way out of line.

Your welcome Golblinchild. Twas a useful discovery alright. Am now wondering about ebay...

Actually, I feel quite sorry for the teacher who has had to remove her profile. She must be feeling really anxious as to which one of the mothers from her class are stalking her.

Really, this has not been pleasant.

I agree TheYearofthecat while in the long run the OP may have done her a favour it has all been done in a rather unpleasant manner. I bet the teacher has had a rather shit day thanks to this.

I think this thread is awful

teacher- if you're lurking- I know exactly how you feel, being pursued thro cyberspace

have a glass of wine and watch a bit of telly and try and forget about it on Monday. What counts is how you do your job, and now you'll know to be a bit less naive/bit more circumspect

remember...you never know who's looking over your shoulder, and this ain't- as it might appear- a Safe Place

Yes indeed...

Actually, since the teacher now obviously knows that absinthe knows who she is, absinthe could do the poor woman a favour by 'reciprocating' that 'crossover', & having a brief RL conversation so she doesn't spend the rest of the term wondering which mum is scouring t'internet for dirt on her...

Although I don't know how she could, now, actually. 'Hello, Miss Jones. I'm Sarah's mum. I'm also the fellow MNer who's been googling you & searching your Amazon list.'

Doesn't really put the OP in a terribly good light, so I suspect the teacher will never find out...

...although I wouldn't be surprised if she had a bloody good idea which of her students' parents might see this as normal behaviour...

Second SpringHeeledJack's suggestion of wine & telly, if you're lurking!

I don't feel sorry for the teacher. The OP has done her a favour by flagging up a disciplinary offence without reporting it.

Knowing that someone has looked at your Amazon wishlist probably causes the same or a lower level of distress as reading public online criticism of your child and friends' children from someone entrusted with their care, so that's about square.

I don't see why Absinthe, who's basically saved her from a worse fate, should lose her anonymity because the teacher behaved stupidly.

I should imagine the teacher probably was stupid and careless, rather than malicious. But there you go-- life is tough, lesson learned. People are being ridiculous to equate this with stalking. Online stuff is being checked out all the time by all sorts of people. My opinion: it's small minded and petty but provided it doesn't become playground gossip is unimportant.

OP can't talk about this in rl without outing herself. So hopefully she's keep her mouth shut. You really should Absinthe: it would be so wrong to carry on with it now.

There is a difference between not liking a poster and being able to judge if they're in the right or not. I think that's been rather lost here.

'I should imagine the teacher probably was stupid and careless, rather than malicious.'

I agree, but it was also a bit daft of whoever it was who suggested that she rant in the staffroom, to a partner or to a friend who knew her. That's a lot more likely to end up with leaks and unintentional disclosure.

If you want to have a scream and shout about the stress of coping on a daily basis with a challenging class, pressure from above to meet targets and pressure from everyone else to do the job to perfection, and from parents worrying about progress, friendships and the fact you don't recognise their child's geniosnosity and unique loveliness...
do it anonymously, and never let the whisper of how you truly feel leak out into reality at any time.

"Although I don't know how she could, now, actually. 'Hello, Miss Jones. I'm Sarah's mum. I'm also the fellow MNer who's been googling you & searching your Amazon list."

Exactly.

OP- so have you decided how to take your child's behaviour to task yet? Because I repeat, as a mother, that is what I would be ranting about, not the teacher, how very dare she, who has had the temerity to comment on it.

One of the things I used to love during the long holidays was having the cashiers at Tesco say 'Oh thank God, school starts next week, aren't you looking forwards to it?' and me saying 'No, it's a lot easier and more fun handling two rather than 30'
And they never say 'My mum says you're wrong'

I think it was me who said have a rant in the staff room, as for me, as Ido with my own colleagues, have a rant about X.Y.Z and how I am dealing with their case and load!

The reason I suggested this, as for me, my colleagues may be going through the exact same thing, and can out a different perspective on it, but we also have a rule, which Im sure most teachers do, is that what gets said in the staff room, stay in the class room.

This is not acceptable either, but we do need to vent at times, when we are finding X,Y,Z difficult.

I dont think the teacher is malicious, just been very careless about her stance as a teacher and potentially subjecting herself to some serious trouble in her work life.

Im glad she has removed her profile now, and I think the OP is somewhat (Im sorry I cannot find a right word to explain this ) a deluded stalker to think she needed to goggle her, she is a human in her own right, her profession doesn't determine her as a individual, its only part of her.

I hope your OK teacher if your reading, lets hope is a lesson learned, but dont anguish over it, move on, we all make mistakes, even if they were innocent (as I do think your case was) x x x

Our staff room is always full of parent helpers, students, TAs, supply teachers, governors, workpersons and visitors who walk in freely once in the school( I have no problem with this)
You could be interrupted or overheard at any time.

Our staffroom is strictly for personnel only, (as in sw) you need a key card to enter ours, so it mostly just our floor department that is in their, you cannot enter without a key card, any body else who is not personnel goes to the interview rooms.

suppose each differs.

I just wanted to add a message to the teacher too. Hope you're okay. It is a reminder to all teachers that there are parents out there who will search into their child's teacher's private life and so care must be taken when posting revealing information(profile).
It's a shame it had to be done in a public way rather than a quiet word. Shudder at the thought of someone doing searches for me like Amazon wish list. Very odd....

LMH, are you secondary?
You can get a bit stir-crazy in primary sometimes if you have a difficult class.
They are there every day for the entire year, the same 30 faces with the same interminable issues. Over and over again, with parental contact on a constant basis.
Every Primary school should have a padded cell with a keycard so you could scream and rant in private.

Sorry LMH, brain slippage going on here. You are a Social Worker.

Perspective needed: teacher posts unpleasant comments about children. In a fit of pique parent looks at teacher's Amazon wishlist. Neither are pleasant or good things to do.

Not: parents out there who will search into the teachers' private lives. Not: pursuit through cyberspace. Not: utterly deranged. Not: stalking.

"It's a shame it had to be done in a public way rather than a quiet word."

Not public: she didn't even out the teacher with her mn name, never mind real name.

"Quiet word": involves losing own anonymity which we all value -- don't see many here posting under their own name. No reason why she should do that.

Best possible solution would be to alert the teacher anonymously on a thread.

I don't feel sorry for the teacher at all - she should of known better.

Im a CM and would never be so stupid to moan about my mindees with my photo on my profile.