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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not knowing exactly what it is that DH does at work?

139 replies

Shodan · 22/02/2010 23:05

I mean, obviously I know the basics. He works with computers.

He always wears a suit to work.

And he very often works late at night (in the sitting room) which leads to him being asleep all evening the next day. As now.

Today I noticed he was wearing a tie as well as the suit. Aha, thinks I, Something Big was happening today. So I asked him. Did Something Big happen today?

He looked a bit hurt, frankly, and then spent fifteen minutes telling me what he had, apparently, already told me last night.

And, like last night, it went in one ear and out the other.

So I still don't know exactly what he does.

Am I a Bad Wife?

OP posts:
thisisyesterday · 22/02/2010 23:08

hehehe i knew it would be computers. my dp is exactly the same!

Alambil · 22/02/2010 23:10

it's been the same with my parents for 29 years.... they're still happily married so I don't think it'll do any damage

piprabbit · 22/02/2010 23:12

I can keep up quite a long and involved conversation about my DH's job, office politics, even the odd technical thing. However, I really have no idea what he does or how...I think I've honed my bullshitting skills after 23 long years.

luciemule · 22/02/2010 23:12

Nope you are not a bad wife. My husband is in the forces and is posted to a new job every two yrs so when someone asks me what he does, I get all flustered and make it up as I go along! "Something to do with helicopters" is my usual reply.
I try to remember a few key words and then regurgitate those at important moments.

BethAndHerBrood · 22/02/2010 23:14

God, me neither. Computers again. Seems to involve lots of very loud phone calls, which mean he has to stamp about the house in a vigorous fashion. But said phone calls usually end up being a catch up session with his workmates. He works from home a lot.

Tis the bane of my life.

Original poster
Shodan · 22/02/2010 23:18

Key words- yes I could do with remembering some of those.

Erm......

I think they say 'moving forward' quite a lot, but otherwise it seems to be just a load of random letters.

I have to say though, that 'something to do with helicopters' sounds a damn sight more exciting that 'something with computers'.

I'm glad it doesn't seem to affect longevity, marriage-wise.

okay, so if it doesn't make me a Bad Wife to not know what his job is, does it make me one if I prod him really quite hard because he's snoring on the sofa and then pretend it was the cat?

OP posts:
Original poster
Shodan · 22/02/2010 23:20

Ooh, yes, Beth. Very shouty phone calls and some Quite Rude name-calling when he's finished.

And why can computer types work from home so much? It really buggers up my catering arrangements. Not to mention the fact that he's still in his boxers at midday......

OP posts:
lifeas3plus1 · 22/02/2010 23:22

My Partner sounds exactly like your your partner.

Works with computers, Wear's a suit (most of the time)

I did find out, from watching over his shoulder, that when he was looking for a new job he was applying for Test Analyst and Test Manager positions if that means anything to anyone. Because I don't have a clue.

Original poster
Shodan · 22/02/2010 23:25

Ah yes, lifeas3.

He analyses tests. And/or manages them.

I believe one of Dh's titles was Senior Solution(s?) Architect.

Which makes absoulutely no sense whatsoever.

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 22/02/2010 23:26

DP is the same with me to be honest.

If anyone ask him what I do for a living he says something like 'designs aeroplanes'.

Which is not strictly true, I am an engineer who works on composite development and stress in relation to a certain part of an aeroplane's wing. But when I explain that to him in any detail he just wanders off ion boredom.

See, I have bored you lot off the thread haven't I?

lifeas3plus1 · 22/02/2010 23:29

Haha Shodan, I just asked partner what that was and he came out with something very long in a language I've never heard before so can't imagine how you feel.

lifeas3plus1 · 22/02/2010 23:30

Oh and he took a random guess at who your husband works for. "It sounds like he works for XXX to me"

I just smile, nod and say "Yes dear"

GuntherMcKilocodie · 22/02/2010 23:30

I have no idea either. Dh started blathering on the other day about SEO, I nodded knowingly. What the fuck he is on about is beyond me. What was a little embarrassing was my boss was flirting with him at a party a few months ago and then on the Monday said "I had no idea that your Dh had such an interesting job!" Clearly neither did I. It's got to the point now that I clearly can't ask what he does, so I just style it out.
I also have very close friends whose jobs I have no idea about. I think I am just a self centred shit head. Ah well.

piprabbit · 22/02/2010 23:30

The job of Test Analysts and Test Managers is to take other people's work and pick it apart until it doesn't work anymore. Then they had it back and tell them (the person doing the work in the first place) to redo it all. T
his cycle can be repeated indefinitely until Someone Very Senior gets the arse and instists that somebody pulls their finger out and delivers what's been paid for.

Original poster
Shodan · 22/02/2010 23:34

So true, lifeas3. I have learnt to adopt a 'I love you so much and I'm really, truly interested in what you're telling me' expression (not dissimilar, now I come to think of it, to the one I use for Ds1 when he's talking about Call of Duty) but really, it just won't stay in my head.

And GetOrf- I'm not bored. But I did only read 'engineer blah blah blah aeroplanes'.

(Although if it was my DH I might have heard 'stress' as well and offered a head rub....)

OP posts:
lifeas3plus1 · 22/02/2010 23:35

Yes, piprabbit, That sounds about right of Dp and not just at work.

onebadbaby · 22/02/2010 23:38

I can so identify with you OP. My Dh does something very important in IT which I have no interest in. Many a dinner time is spent with me nodding agreeably while thinking about the washing/ dishes/ or all manner of things more interesting than his faceless colleagues and who said what to who etc etc...I sometimes don't even know which country he is when he phones from one of his many international trips as I switched off while he was telling me where he was going- I am too embarassed to say "where are you" and when people ask where DH is this week, I sometimes have to admit I don't know...

spitandpolish · 22/02/2010 23:42

YANBU. Unless your job has a uniform that is available as a childs fancy dress costume then noone should be expected to know what it is.

Original poster
Shodan · 22/02/2010 23:45

I think that's the problem, onebadbaby.

I have no interest in the inner workings of a computer. Or whatever it is.

Occasionally he'll bounce in and say something like' Yessss! We won the bid for (large company) today!' And look expectantly at me.

Naturally I say 'Ooh! That's great! Well done you!'

Then he says 'No it wasn't me , it was the (blah blah blah) team/division/department. I have to do all the blah blah blah'.

I can't win.

OP posts:
claw3 · 22/02/2010 23:46

Something with computers, works late and is shattered next day, internet porn star?

Original poster
Shodan · 22/02/2010 23:46

at idea of IT type person as childs fancy dress costume.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shodan · 22/02/2010 23:47

at idea of DH being Porn Star.

OP posts:
claw3 · 22/02/2010 23:51

ha! A fluffy dressing gown stud muffin!

claw3 · 22/02/2010 23:55

now that is a retired porn star look!

(he has lost his reading glasses!)

emsyj · 23/02/2010 08:49

YANBU. My DH also works in computers (or something) - possibly connected with advertising, although not sure. I am so clueless about what he does that we got into trouble when we went to give notice of our intention to marry as we each gave a different answer regarding what his occupation was. We were grilled by the Registrar as a result.

DH doesn't generally wear a suit, but when he does then I know something is going on and I usually say something like, 'how was the meeting?' which seems to please him. He also works late and spends most of his time at home on the laptop and looking stressed.

He knows my job title because it's a bog standard recognised profession, but honestly he doesn't know what I actually do all day, so think we're about even.