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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not knowing exactly what it is that DH does at work?

139 replies

Shodan · 22/02/2010 23:05

I mean, obviously I know the basics. He works with computers.

He always wears a suit to work.

And he very often works late at night (in the sitting room) which leads to him being asleep all evening the next day. As now.

Today I noticed he was wearing a tie as well as the suit. Aha, thinks I, Something Big was happening today. So I asked him. Did Something Big happen today?

He looked a bit hurt, frankly, and then spent fifteen minutes telling me what he had, apparently, already told me last night.

And, like last night, it went in one ear and out the other.

So I still don't know exactly what he does.

Am I a Bad Wife?

OP posts:
fernie3 · 23/02/2010 08:54

sounds like mine, works with computers something with websites that looks very boring when you see it on screen. Doesn't wear a suit though. I have no idea what he does on a day to day basis although he does tell me pretty much every day. I just smile and pick out bits I get to repeat back, he seems happy with that.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 23/02/2010 08:58

God that would really annoy me.

Most full time workers spend as much of their waking life at work as at home. Yes it can be boring to hear about 'this issue with blahdibah in accounts' but it's important to rant about work a bit when you get home.

If I lived with someone who paid so little attention to what I do I would be miffed

BigBadMummy · 23/02/2010 09:00

ah yes. I have a DP who is teh same, I have no idea what he actually does. It involves databases and he doesn't have to wear a suit.

I knew somebody one once who when asked what he did for a living said "oh I just drive an eighteen wheeler".

It was a Boeing 747 and he was the Captain (it was the "private jet of a bloke I worked for). I thought that was just a great way of saying it as technically, it does have 18 wheels.

ShauntheSheep · 23/02/2010 09:06

Dp has no idea what I am on about half the time when I rant about my work and I certainly dont expect him too either and my job isnt that techy at all. His standard responce now is 'Its all Bill gates fault isnt it?'

I do expect him to pay attention when I rant about my fuckwitted colleagues tho.

fernie3 · 23/02/2010 09:06

TheDevilWearsPrimark I am sure he does the same when I go on about the tiny details of my day which normally involve which child was good/bad what they ate etc I dont mind he doesnt find that interesting I dont find what program he wrote or error he fixed interesting. Which is exactly why we dont swap over , I would make a terrible working mum he would make a terrible househusband!.
I do listen if its important (see thread a while ago about problems with his work) but at the end of the day I just want to talk about something interesting that I understand!

Nymphadora · 23/02/2010 09:12

I never knew what my dad did. Only ever knew if was something to do with submarines breaking down.

I am not 100% on what dh does all day despite having worked with him and I'm
sure he feels the same about my job!

slightlystressed · 23/02/2010 09:12

My DP is a plumber, he most definitley does not wear a suit!

I know way to much about boilers for my own good. Usually if there's a problem I find its the diverter valve!

FakePlasticTrees · 23/02/2010 09:14

see, I know roughly what DH does for a living - also works with computers, in data storage for a bank so stuff doesn't get deleted which makes the FSA happy, and he makes sure if say, the power got cut in central London or someone flew a plane into their office building, all the info is backed up to another site outside of london and so staff could go work there. (see, I listen - or it could be he uses simple words )

However, when registering DS's birth, they asked what DH's job title is. Not a clue.

I am therefore also a bad wife.

slightlystressed · 23/02/2010 09:19

Allthough DP never knew what I used to do. I did explain it several times but his eyes would glaze over....there were no blowtorches, drills or hammers involved so he just wasnt interested.

So yes you are a terrible wife!

ClaraJo · 23/02/2010 09:45

You lot have all got it covered re the 'date night' rules of never talking about work then .

I know pretty much what DP does, and the names of all his colleagues (and roughly what they do). All he really knows about what I do is my job title, what my productivity levels are and what I charge out at!

lolapoppins · 23/02/2010 09:48

Had to laugh when I saw this.

My dh is in computers as well. Has a. Stagerringly rediculous job title that would only mean anything to others who wrk in I.T.

Feel like such an idiot when people ask what my husband does and all I can say is 'he works in I.T'

sarah293 · 23/02/2010 09:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mumblechum · 23/02/2010 09:52

I have absolutely no idea. His job title is Vice President of Global Strategy (massive pharma company) which makes him sound like he should be sitting in a swivel chair stroking a large pussy. In fact he looks like a bouncer and doesn't own a suit.

Luckily we never ever talk about work when we're at home.

Bonsoir · 23/02/2010 09:53

Yes, you are a Bad Wife .

I would absolutely hate not to know what DP does at work. He tells me all about it, and about all the people that work for him, and his suppliers, and his shareholders etc etc all the time, and I listen hard. I love knowing and I love being able to discuss his work with him and give him insights into what is going on...

msrisotto · 23/02/2010 10:00

DP has a nice recognisable job title - accountant - that if someone asks me what he does, i just say that and i never have to elaborate because no one cares. I don't know what he does day to day but i know which colleagues are nice and which are tossers etc - i think that's ok!

boogeek · 23/02/2010 10:00

I have no idea what my DH does either - but like you I notice if he puts on a tie and try to remember to say (cryptically) "did it go well today?" He works for an oil company and has a job title that involves about 6 meaningless words strung together. Basically, he talks to and at people. I think. If people ask I say "he works for x"; most people are happy to be fobbed off like that.

sarah293 · 23/02/2010 10:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lolapoppins · 23/02/2010 10:07

Am I the only one childishly giggling away after Reading mumblechums post?

MarshaBrady · 23/02/2010 10:15

I'm the opposite, I am interested in dh's career. Hell I'm interested in other people's dh's careers. Often saying; What is that then, what do you do?? etc Am very intrigued by a certain couple of friends' dhs as I cannot imagine what they do all day.

Bonsoir · 23/02/2010 10:16

Marsha - you used to be a strategy consultant too, didn't you? Maybe it is a trait of that métier to be fascinated by the details of business!

fruitshootsandheaves · 23/02/2010 10:20

My DH is an aircraft engineer and when he explains his work its like another language.
Well the APU was not conecting properly to the vhefkh unit which in turn affected the vbrhfuehflh so we had to change the ghgo;oij part but this made the ogher;go;hou wrong so........

My answer is usually 'say that again in English' or 'Oh how interesting darling!'

GetOrfMoiLand · 23/02/2010 10:20

Don't talk about work when at home other than the most vague references. I have completely seperate work and home lives thank god.

I do something with aeroplanes. DP does something with buildings. We don't need to sit and talk about it. I don't need to hear about the masonry requirements for a Georgian house, he doesn't need to know about metrology testing on a winglet.

We have a coffee and talk about summat else which is interesting to us both.

SodaPopRock · 23/02/2010 10:20

Totally depends what your husband does.

My DH's job goes right over my head (very specialist IT for a niche industry). Obviously if he ran a string of shops I would find it easier to get my head around.

Lymond · 23/02/2010 10:20

YANBU - DH works in financial markets (he is NOT a banker though) and I don't understand any of the acronyms or jargon, or how the markets work or any of that. Which is ammusing when people assume I'll be able to give them stock tips...

But I do know how to nod along knowledgably - I find it quite sexy when he talks about markets, so I've usually got something else on my mind.
I also stay up with all the office politics, and I do help by schmoozing clients when necessary and help him plan his teams annual reviews.

I don't, however, understand a word of what his D.Phil was about, despite editing it for him!

GetOrfMoiLand · 23/02/2010 10:22

Lol at fruit.

See, if we go out and DP meets someone who works in construction and I meet someone who works in aerospace, we are like excited children in that we can talk to someone about our work and about the geeky things which interest us.

I do love my job and love gabbling on about it, but not someone who doesn't understand a word I am going on about.

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