Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In not knowing exactly what it is that DH does at work?

139 replies

Shodan · 22/02/2010 23:05

I mean, obviously I know the basics. He works with computers.

He always wears a suit to work.

And he very often works late at night (in the sitting room) which leads to him being asleep all evening the next day. As now.

Today I noticed he was wearing a tie as well as the suit. Aha, thinks I, Something Big was happening today. So I asked him. Did Something Big happen today?

He looked a bit hurt, frankly, and then spent fifteen minutes telling me what he had, apparently, already told me last night.

And, like last night, it went in one ear and out the other.

So I still don't know exactly what he does.

Am I a Bad Wife?

OP posts:
MarshaBrady · 23/02/2010 10:27

See I'd love to hear about masonry requirements for a Georgian house, or metrology testing on a winglet.

(quite Anna!)

imaginewittynamehere · 23/02/2010 11:04

I have a v.v vague idea about what DH does, he is a geothechnical engineer (see I even know his title...) wait I don't there are many more words than that in it.. Some of it involves digging holes, much of it involves cutting & pasting previous reports into new ones at ridiculous times of the evening (Shodan I also have a DP who sleeps all evening on occasion, in DH's case because he got up at silly o'clock to finish a report before work - finish areport before work FGS is work not the place he goes to write said reports??)

TBH I never knew (& still don't know) what my dad does - something to do with quality in the production of a certain metal (I do know the metal but is very specialised & you could pretty much name him if I told you on the www) DH knows more than me because he asked when he first got to know my dad. I vaguely know what my mum does, involves websites. When I was at school & in languages when you had to say what your parent's jobs were I had a teacher for a mother & a doctor for a father just so it was so much easier than the truth to say!!

UniS · 23/02/2010 11:09

The phase is " yes dear, that nice" .
I am a maths A level and 2 degrees off understanding what DH "does" at work. After 12 years I now have a potted version of WHAT he does ready to trot out if any one asks, but HOW he does it????

imaginewittynamehere · 23/02/2010 11:18

Lymond, quite, I have a managerial background & pretty much write DH's staff appraisals for him, I too am well aware of the office politics & interpret for DH; these are within my area of understanding & are what I am good at, not sure DH would appreciate my input on the rest though!!

Squitten · 23/02/2010 11:36

My DH's title is the CEO so that part's easy

His company makes music software. Once it starts getting down into the nitty gritty of what they make, how they make it, who does what, distribution, marketing, blah, blah, blah.... and what exactly my DH does in all of that, I can't say I really know....

I'd be much more interested to know exactly how much work is involved when he swans off to NYC or LA each year for a week...

Morloth · 23/02/2010 11:41

DH is in IT for a bank. I have bugger all idea what he actually does but it would appear that he does it well.

RealityIsMyOnlyDelusion · 23/02/2010 11:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Shodan · 23/02/2010 11:48

See, it's not that I don't listen when he talks about his work. I do. I listen beautifully. And ask stupid pertinent questions.

It just doesn't stay in.

At least I know that a)it's a two way street -DH never remembers even quite important stuff that I've told him and b) he finds it hilarious that I don't remember. After waking up (at midnight, all ready to stay up and do a couple more hours work) he chortled quite immoderately at this thread and offered to explain it all again. I declined, what with it being bedtime and all.

And I asked him if he thought I was a Bad Wife. The answer was a definite no. (ahem)

Incidentally, LOL at mumblechum's DH's theoretical pussy and Riven's squiggly lines....

OP posts:
Original poster
Shodan · 23/02/2010 11:50

And I ooze sympathy at rants about stupid work colleagues who never know what they're doing and are useless and he has to sort everything out etc etc.

Until the next day when actually they're ok, really.

OP posts:
Hassled · 23/02/2010 11:54

I don't understand what DH does, and yes, it's IT. Which is ironic because we met working for the same IT consultancy many years ago - but I'm completely out of the loop these days. But I pretend well, and I don't think he realises.

TrillianAstra · 23/02/2010 11:57

Talking about people is easy, troubles with colleagues etc. But there really are a lot of jobs around where a layperson wouldn't understand what you do all day.

Silly to nod along though. Could you ask something along the lines of 'darling when I go to and people ask what you do, can you think of a nice short simple way to explain it?' Then memorise that!

sarah293 · 23/02/2010 12:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

stoppingat3 · 23/02/2010 12:06

UAdefinitelyNBU I know my DH job title Global Development Director, I know his industry and I know thats he is never home or even in the country. But as to what he actually does all day - not a clue. I've even tried to read over his shoulder but it seems like a lot of emails about random words and letters. I do have images of him developing a new globe all by himself in a laboratory but I'm fairly sure thats not what he does!

Whereas he knows exactly what I do all day whether he wants to or not - I like to share ;-)

Acinonyx · 23/02/2010 12:16

Think yourselves lucky. I used to do dh's job at a less senior level and I am therefore expected to have detailed conversations and remember no end of stuff from one conversation to the next. I frequently forget to ask about Important Stuff

Original poster
Shodan · 23/02/2010 12:17

Maybe I should get him to write me out some flash cards......

But I think he quite likes that I don't know. We are two sides of the same coin, in a way. I have all the Arts stuff covered, he's the Science Bit.

Am liking the idea of stopping's DH developing a new globe. Could he maybe organise things so that we get a bit more sun nd a bit less rain?

OP posts:
Lymond · 23/02/2010 12:22

imaginewittynamehere - exactly; we can help with the communication aspect of what he does without understanding the technical side. (Though occasionally DH does make money out of doing a trade on the back of me moaning about standards in a shop having slipped...!)

gramercy · 23/02/2010 12:25

Don't know what dh does all day, and I didn't know what my father did all day. Know the business, but certainly not the nitty gritty. Commute, office, commute, office, commute, office...

There was a thread on MN a while back asking "What did your grandfather do?" and, rather unsurprisingly, most grandads did jobs like butcher, baker, candlestick maker or a small number worked in professions, but ones that you could recognise.

Today there are so many non jobs. I'm sorry, but Chief Operating Officer, Global Strategy Manager, Vice President of Human Resources... it's all a load of arse, really.

Lymond · 23/02/2010 12:26

stoppinfat3 - I'm at the thought of your DH developing a new globe!

That reminds me that when DH started his D.Phil, and I heard him mention phylogenetic trees. It was after a year of telling people he was doing research on trees that he overheard me and told me that was totally wrong... He was researching RNA viruses by using phylogenetic tress which are kind of like a family tree but for genes.... see what basic language he had to get down to, to help me understand?!

I think most of my family still think he did his D.Phil on trees, because I was too to go back and correct everyone I'd told it to wrongly!

SerenityNowakaBleh · 23/02/2010 12:55

Well, DP and I work in the same industry (investment banking) but in completely different jobs. We do discuss work a lot actually - mostly because there's universal annoying problems in investment banks (like trying to get invoices paid that have to go via four different countries) and we are both being bullied by our bosses (fab times!)

For my DBs though - no clue. Both work in computers. I think one does something involving networks, and the other does something involving pension funds. That's as far as it goes

TrillianAstra · 23/02/2010 13:02

One of my friends has a dad who is blacksmith. Now that's a real job!

MamaVoo · 23/02/2010 13:05

Ha! My DH works in computers but I don't really have a clue what he does all day. I do try to listen when he tells me about his day...but there are so many more interesting things to think about that my mind just drifts away.

SerenityNowakaBleh · 23/02/2010 13:08

I think the problem is with people who work with computers - it's so vague and, TBH, boring sounding that no one's going to remember.

mackerel · 23/02/2010 13:09

Maybe your DH is like the character in the Armstrong and Miller show and doesn't know what he does either.

TheSmallClanger · 23/02/2010 13:10

Blacksmith - that's up there with "shepherd" as a good proper job. I met a shepherd at a party once. You don't expect to see them at parties.

I know DH's job title and roughly what his department does, but I'm not entirely sure how he fits into it. He is a foreman, I know that much, and often burns himself with soldering irons and gets chemical burns on his t-shirts. Apparently he shouts at people quite a lot as well.

I normally just say "he works for...".

MorrisZapp · 23/02/2010 13:12

I've been with my DP for ten years and I don't know what university he went to.

I know what he does all day but only because he works from home so I hear him shouting at clients from his little garret.