parenting pet peeves...

[bubbleymummy]

I know I'm going to get flamed for this but I just don't care - I have to vent somewhere after a weekend of smiling and nodding and keeping my mouth shut!

Here is a list of 'parenting' traits that I absolutely hate!

Giving babies sugar - dessert/pudding/biscuits/cake - they do not need it - they are not missing anything and they are the reason that your child is already overweight!

Shovelling food into tiny babies, scooping it up and shoving it back in when the baby's tongue pushes it out while discussing the baby's excema, constipation, tummy upsets etc

Giving toddlers fizzy drinks such as Coke and letting them run madly around before screaming at them and complaining about how badly behaved they are.

Giving children calpol because it's been a 'long day' or because they have a slight sniffle or even a hint of a temperature or just because 'they like the taste'!.

controlled crying / cry it out - I hate this at any stage but I DESPISE it in children under 6 months. I don't care if your child has been sleeping through since 5 weeks - it is bloody cruel!

and breathe....

Ok feel free to flame me or alternatively add your own pet peeves!

Disclaimer : I by no means consider myself to be a perfect parent and I could fill several threads with my own parenting flaws.

I have done most of the things listed. And proud of it.

Oh lequeen yes I have. Several times now. Your initial post described it as 20 mins of crying with the music turned up. That doesn't suggest going in every two minutes then every five minutes to soothe etc. That is cc. CIO is just leaving the baby to cry until they stop which, according to your first post is what they did.

I just don't get people objections to cc. it is loving and humane. whats wrong with it ?
I did it tonight with ds2(1.4). went back every few minutes. then he settled.
I just don't get peoples objections to it.

If anyone comes across minxofmancunia elsewhere, can you direct her back to this thread please ?

Girls.. I have been to the pub, come home and fed and put DCs to bed and you-re still at it..

Is this Groundhog day??

mamsnet, what are you doing back from the pub at 7.45 ? that is criminal in itself !

One of my slight peeves has been mums who think they know the reason for my child' s eczema and they blame it on what I fed her.

Bubble right off.

Because I had the DCs with me!

oh o.k. I 'll let you off then.
Just this once, mind.

Hopefully we can add taking children to pubs as another faux pas. Count me in !!

Already fought that one yesterday Oblomov

pointysayhip I hear you. Next time someone says that just put a little salt and a few hairs down thier back (whitout them noticing) and let them wriggle with the uncomfortability eczema sufferers do every day. Eczema can be inherited. Or it can be allergy driven i.e. chemicals/foods/pollen. It does not mean all children suffer with eczema cause the parents let them eat ice cream.

yes, chelles. In fact, one of my parenting peeves is parents who bother so much about what other parents do. I mean, eating biscuits and a bit of crying at bedtime. Broaden your horizons

and either put the child up for adoption or quit the moaning we allll do things our own way, some of us may get it wrong in some areas and some of us get it just right. I just wish mums, instead of arguin about it can just accept some people do it one way, and they do it another.

I ignore my daughter when it comes to 'potty' time - I dont make a fuss anyone want to comment on that.

Personally, I have nothing against controlled crying if done in a sensible manner and at an appropriate age.

But if co-sleeping does the trick for another sleep deprived doctor (as it did for us) then I'd think that was equally valid.

In our case, letting an agitated child into our bed was by far the most efficient way of ensuring a night's sleep. Not every child will be sleep trained in 3 nights, just because some children are. I do know of people who have desperately tried controlled sleeping with no results- wouldn't want any serious illness of mine to be treated by one of them either.

Whatever works for you, I'd say. But it's a bit silly to say that everybody's sleep problems will be resolved in the same way.

I think some parents have all sorts of 'parenting peeves' because for some reason they need someone as an 'enemy', someone who is a worse parents than they are in order for them to feel like they're wearing a parenting halo. Some (definitely not all) people who practice AP fall in this category. I've met quite a few (and even more here on MN). They seem to go on & on about the 'neglect' and whatever else non AP parents inflict on their children. They seem unable to comprehend the idea that people are not caricatures, and that even things like CC (the method they love to hate) falls into a context, can only be understood & given a meaning within a particular family, with its particular dynamics, issues, problems, etc. Its absolutely ludicrous, mad, naive, stupid & all sorts of other things to suggest that CC on its own, taking out all the context in which it occurs, can be 'neglect', 'abuse', or whatever else.

I'm sure there are fantastically balanced families who have used CC.
As I'm equally sure there are completely crappy families who would never consider CC.

The other ludicrous & frankly, unimaginative idea, is that all parents who resort to CC do so out of:
a) cruelty / neglect
b) laziness/impatience, because they're not considering all those other gentle methods.

Do you accept, Bubbleymummy, as an hypothetical possibility that in some cases some parents who do CC do so not because of a (cruelty) or b (laziness/impatience) but because:

c) they've tried & tried (for months) those 'gentle' methods but they just don't work (I'm a case in point, if you're interested, could say more about my dreadful efforts with the No cry sleep solution. Which should be named the 'no sleep sleep solution').
d) they actually believe CC will be good for their child & family

Do c & d exist for you bubbleymummy as possibilities? No? I thought not. Because in your reassuring, comforting, black & white world things have to be caricatures in order for you to be able to preach & feel better about yourself as a parent.

Bubbleymummy - LeQueen, and later on I, have asked you what you would do in one specific situation - and you have NOT answered.

Regardless of any other factors, on the day would you prefer your child to be diagnosed/treated by a horribly sleep-deprived doctor, or one who was well rested because he and his dw had used the method LeQueen outlined.

If you would either answer the question directly here, or quote your post in which you give a direct answer to the question, that will be the end of this particular issue.

Maria, I am afraid that bubbleymummy will dismiss your real experience, and continue to assert that you could have done something else, but chose not to. You know you weren't lazy, cruel or neglectful, and so do I, but I will be surprised if bubbleymummy agrees with us.

I firmly believe that the vast majority of parents are good and caring people who do their best for their children, and I also firmly believe that what works like a dream for one family may fail dismally for another - we are all individuals, not little clones of eachother, and every family is different - so different methods will work for different people.

I have no time for people who set themselves up as the one and only True Authority on an aspect of parenting, and refuse to admit the possibility that another intelligent, caring adult might choose a different way. Every situation, every family, every parent, every child is different, so there is NO one size fits all solution, and it is sheer arrogance to say that there is, and worse, to condemn other parents for choosing a method that you do not approve!!

Ah, Maria, you have hit the nail on the head!

I know of one such family that despises CC and other methods of using crying to get their babies to sleep, is v. v. v. judgemental of people who do things 'differently' than they do...

and quite frankly she has a terrible marriage (which she is constantly complaining about), snaps/shouts at her children often (saying to us all it's cos she's just so tired) and is so rigid and controlling with her kids it's just mind-boggling (brings her own snacks/supper to my house cos the kids can't eat anything with sugar... which means that her children have to look on while the other kids get fed e.g. one choc biscuit, a cheese stick and yoguhrt - and she will bring the same supper re-heated five times cos 'he has to learn to eat what's given him)

And she looks down on the rest of us cos we've broken some Sacred Cow rules about sleep!

You know, just because you've 'exclusively breastfed'/'co-slept till kid was 5'/'don't let him watch TV' doesn't, in and of itself, mean you are a great parent!!!

CONTEXT, people, CONTEXT.

And always remember that poem:'Children learn what they live' - a home of love, trust, fun and laughter is worth a whole lot more goddam than Holier Than Thou Parenting....

(end rant)

Sigh. Lequeen - I said morevthan that actually if you bothered to read the posts. I said that if the only doctor available to treat my child was a MURDERER I wouldn't care as long as he got treated which you know would be the case for any parent.

Also, and I can't believe I am saying this again. Your friends child was not old enough for sleep training. The method they used was CIO not cc because cc involves going in to settle (take note whoever it is that was arguing that a sleep solution doesn't involve settling- even the sacred cc involves it) at initially 1 or 2 minute intervals gradually building up to 5/10 etc. iirc young babies ie still over 6 months aren't meant to be left for two long an interval anyway. Regardless of whether your friends turned the music down they did not go in to check or settle their 5 month old baby. For those of you who are popping on here and just reading snippets of the discussion- THAT is what I am saying is neglectful- a too young baby being subjected to CIO not cc.

I have already said that I also dislike cc but I think it was in response to chellesgirl's post who said she used cc on her 21? Mth old as a last resort that at least at that age the child will have more of an understanding that mummy is just popping out of the room and will come back in - this is in comparison to a small baby who would not understand that and would therefore feel abandoned/stressed and ultimately just give up and go into stress sleep mode ( read chellesgirl link)

I hope some of you that clearly didn't read all the posts will read this and understand that my main objections with lequeens friends were not because they were just using sleeptraining methods on their baby but because they were using CIO which is NOT a legitimate sleep training technique and furthermore the baby was too young for ANY form of sleep training. The parents did not go to the baby at all once they put her in bed (she was 5 months old) and they left her to cry herself to sleep for 20 minutes. I honestly hope that you all don't think that is somehow acceptable otherwise mumsnet is really not the place I thought it was...

Sigh. Lots of spelling mistakes on iphone. Two should be too etc

On QI recently Stephen Fry said with much authority that actually starchy crisps and pototoey things are WORSE for your teeth if they get stuck in between because they take longer to go away and attract plaque bacteria faster!!! I was a bit surprised. I think the thing here is to BRUSH your LO's teeth as often as possible!!!! I do give my toddler milky buttons occasionally, I always said I wouldn't when I was PG the first time. But if mummy falls foul and really needs some chocolate sometimes, why should he miss out?

Oh and I would NEVER EVER give fizzy drinks to my LO. And I stick to the not after 4pm rule for sugary things. To make sure he gets to sleep well.