Porn

[Bubbles01]

Am I being unreasonable for getting upset that my husband keeps looking at porn?

The last time there was a thread like this dittany posted a link about the reality of the porn industry and it was fucking disturbing.

But you won't get most women to have any sympathy for porn stars because they 'chose' to do it and their husbands wank over them. Very easy to categorise them as 'other' and their issues as issues that would never affect a 'respectable' woman.

I don't really respect the choice of someone to watch people being abused, no. I can't stop them but I won't respect it.

I hate these threads

I think so, she knows a lot about it. We should feel sorry for her.

no need to be unpleasant starryeyed

She started it.

OP - YANBU to be unhappy with you husbands porn viewing.

WRT to how much women get paid:

Playboy spend around $100k on their Playboy brand films - the 'nice, acceptable, bunny side of porn'

Vivid as mentioned by Dittany is a company owned by Playboy. Vivid spend an average of $1-2000 on a film, hardcore, violent pornography. That covers the cost of everything including the womans cut.

The 'choice' that has been discussed on here that women make is imo an illusion.

I have been studying the Pro-Sex position of feminism and I can find little in their arguments that convince me that porn is a 'good thing' for women.

It is late and I have consumed wine so not at my most eloquent but Foucault argues that men construct women's sexuality through the words and images of society and then men commercialize women's sexuality and market it back to her in the form of pornography. Women are continually told/shown/see images that normalise pornography. I believe that the proliferation of pornographic images is a big fat two fingers up at the achievements of feminism. Women apparently have equal rights but then from day one we are presented with images that objectify women and reinforce the notion that we are there for men's pleasure.

BrahmsThirdRacket I am fully aware of the reality of the porn industry, as I have worked within it, so unlike some, I don't have to rely on links. The fact Dittany feels that porn is akin to 'prostitution' shows she really doesn't know that much about it at all. I think most men who visited prostitutes would ask for a refund if there was some bloke stood in the corner saying 'hey, hang on aminute, I need you to turn this way' or 'I need you to do this', 'no, that's not right, you need to do it this way'... One of the reason there are many more women in the industry than men. Quite har dfor most men to 'keep it up' when what is going on requires sex but isn't sexual at all in a lot of cases...

Believe it or not, plenty of women do chose that as a career, and because it is what they want to do, not because someone else chose it for them or it was their only choice. A lot of the girls I have met (some were friends) chose to remain single in fact, as most men couldn't cope with their job.

I loathe porn. I would be up for a bit of titilation however I loathe what the porn industry stands for. That is not sex you are watching ultimately.

Tbh DH doesn't use porn, and I would think less of him if he did. It is not an essential part of a healthy sex life and it always depresses me on threads like this whne people say 'oh boys will be boys you can't stop them etc'. Not all men like porn.

Oh well Brahsm, Dittany and Skidoodle have all said it better than I have.

yanbu op, porn is vile. Totally agree with nickytwotimes. I lurve sex, am not a prude, just think the sex industry is a big pile of misogynistic shite. It's soooooo unsexy ffs. I would lose respect for a man who looked at a lot of porn and wouldn't fancy him any more, because of his AWFUL taste in getting himself turned on, by looking at horrible fake hairless orange people having plastic sex. And I did totally go off my ex-h for this reason, and was just right because he turned out to be shagging rings around himself, but that's another story...

Sit down and talk to him properly about it op, you obv can't dictate what another person watches, but you can ask why he feels the need and explain how you feel. And he should take you seriously.

Getting paid to have sex - what part of that isn't prostitution?

anybody who expresses surprise or disbelief at Dittany's opinions on this subject are being disingenuous, to say the least

Has anyone done that then?!

Brahms, maybe it is the same in some ways, but in others it is quite different. Not that I have any problem with prostitution either, provided it is something the woman choses to do.

It's pretty much the same. I can't see where the differences are - it's just video-recorded prostitution. I accept that women do choose to go into prostitution or porn. The girl who just came out as Belle du Jour (can't remember her name) explained her motives and I accept them. So yes it can be a choice, but it often isn't and there's no way of telling just by watching a scrappy clip on the internet who is doing it entirely of their own volition and who isn't, especially as there's a lot of scenarios where the woman is supposed to be initially unwilling but then gets turned on by it. You can't tell, and tbh I don't think a lot of the people watching it really care. You could be watching a trafficked girl do stuff she doesn't want for all you know. Just because the bit of the porn industry you worked in, midori, was alright doesn't mean it all is. It makes me uncomfortable.

just because she smiles and licks her lips, it doesn't mean she wants to be there

or hasn't been coerced (by fear, by addiction, by love) into having 5 men wank all over her face

nice

I didn't work in that bit of the porn industry myself, but I knew people who did and have been around it.

I agree that when looking around the internet, it is impossible to know what came from where, but men buying films can make a more informed choice, certain companies are well known and 'reputable'.

And anyfucker, maybe some women like having five men wank all over their face...

It is a really a true choice to be a prostitute, the majority of women 'choose' to become prostitutes because of drug habits, abuse or having no other option.

Its hardly something that all little girls want to grow to become is it?

yes, of course, midori, if that makes you feel better...

don't try and bait me into naming some of the more unsavoury/downright dangerous practices that women will subject themselves to in the name of male entertainment

Also (apologies for dominating the thread just here) it does send out a rather dodgy message that all women want sex all the time. And the sexual practices in most of them are fairly daring to say the least, and not what the majority of people get up to in their sex lives. It raises unrealistic expectations, and then you get told that unless you are fine with that there is something wrong with you. OK, fine, we are all adults (and almost all of the girls in porn are) and maybe if people are prepared to make, act in and watch these films then it's all alright.

But how many people who think porn is OK think it is OK to have practically all clothes modelled by size 4-6, 5ft 10 women who have very unusual bodyshapes and whose image does sometimes spur young women to developeating disorders? That raises a massive fuss in the press, 'ban size 0 from the catwalk' etc. Everyone goes on about how it's a 'dangerous message' to push into society and onto women. But no such fuss is made about porn. I may be really cynical but I think it could be because nice middle-class girls are unlikely to come into much contact with porn films and be influenced negatively by them, in the same way that they might be by watching catwalk shows or reading Vogue.

I think that inherent in the use of pornography is the separation of women into 'bad' girls and 'good' girls - it's OK to fantasise about doing nasty things to the 'bad' girls, or watching them having fairly extreme things done to them, because that's what they're for, whereas 'good' girls are someone's daughter, someone's sister etc.

the trouble is though, that these nice middle class girls then kop off with the nice middle class boys

who think any woman is a freak who doesn't look like, or act out like those women who really "enjoy" the degrading things done to them as wank fodder for men (and some women, let's not forget them..)

again, I refrain from typing out specifics, but I really do not believe the vast majority of women really enjoy some of the stuff they have to act out for money

it's not real (hopefully, that is best case scenarion, I suppose...)

although, in some cases, I do believe it is all too horrifically real

"Its hardly something that all little girls want to grow to become is it? "

I would hope not, in this country at least, since actual prostitution is illegal.

anyfucker, I am not baiting anyone, but what one person sees as unsavoury another may well not. We are all indiviudals after all.

Brahms, I suspect that men know enough 'real life' women to realise that all women do not want sex all of the time, and frankly, I rate them as having more intelligence.

midori...you haven't seen the research being presented in the media recently about how adolescent boys are growing up with terrifyingly-skewed ideas of how young women should look and act ??

much of the blame is based on the easy availibility of hardcore porn

Yes but most teenage boys have probably not had enough sexual experience to realise that 'real' women are any different to those on the internet. Like the size 0 analogy, it is establishing a baseline view in young people which it is actually quite difficult to shift.

night brahms x

midori here is the dictionary definition of prostitution

pros.ti.tu.tion : noun

1.the act or practice of engaging in sexual intercourse for money.

2.base or unworthy use, as of talent or ability.

just thought I'd clear up any confusion

Midori 'I would hope not, in this country at least, since actual prostitution is illegal'

Its not illegal if the prostitute films herself having sex.