Porn

[Bubbles01]

Am I being unreasonable for getting upset that my husband keeps looking at porn?

Can I just say? That I have watched porn with DH, and I have never felt intimidated by the women on there, although I can understand how many women would be hurt by them. But I don't see glowing toned women, they all look a bit ropey and rough!

DH has said before, in real life he would never look twice at these women, and they would be laughable. You wouldn't wanna go down the pub with one of them?

I don't neccesarily think it is anything to be intimidated/upset by, but if your dh/dp is looking at it and knows it upsets you, then that is something different and he should respect your wishes.

However, I have known a lot of men, and those women who say 'Oh, my DH doesn't like porn' I think are kidding themselves! I have never come across a man who doesn't enjoy it, and plenty of men have told me they wouldn't let their wives/girlfriends find out about it. My cousing was married for 15 years, always very proud of the fact that her DH has never commented on a single woman, never looked at magazines/porn, didn't even comment on women on tv/films...after 15 years of marriage she found out that her H had been seeing prostitutes for the most of their marriage Obviously an extreme scenario, but I would always be more suspicious of a man who didn't have any passing interest in other women, be it one of Girls Aloud, Kelly Brook or the porn star! As long as it's me he is taking to bed, I'm happy.

I have fantasies of my own, and if I am going to be with this man for the rest of my life I don't expect to never think about another man, and I wouldn't expect it of him.

I'm not justifying this male behaviour, but it does sadly seem a given with most men.

www.telegraph.co.uk/relationships/6709646/All-men-watch-porn-scientists-find.html

I can't believe that there are people on here saying that if a woman objects to her husband watching porn then she has self esteem issues.

Would they say the same if he was going to strip clubs? Getting a lap dance? Feeling someone else's boobs? Getting a blow job? Where do you draw the line exactly?

I would not want my husband watching porn unless it was something we both enjoyed together.

It's got nothing to do with the fact that porn is often misogynistic and represents women unrealistically (though this is also true). It's because I don't like the idea of him deliberately setting out to get turned on by anyone except me.

I see it as a form of unfaithfulness. Obviously not as bad as actual physical unfaithfulness, but certainly pretty insulting to me.

Am I really unusual in this?

Just for the record im not against prostitution or porn if a women has made that choice.

What concerns me is whether the women has made a genuine choice or whether she has been forced into it by circumstances.

minipie, I can totally see where you are coming from, but do you honestly never have sexual thoughts about anybody else, and indulge yourself a little with them? Because the only difference for me is that men are having visual stimulation, but tbh I'd prefer that to him fantasising about somebody he actually knew...and even I do that sometimes! It's harmless.

DH has a close friend whose younger sister got into drugs and then into porn acting to supply her drug habit. She didn't last long before the drugs wreaked so much havoc that the porn movies didn't want her any more, so then she worked in a brothel.

Slight happy ending as she is now clean and out of the sex industry; it turns out she was sexually abused as a young teenager and never told anyone, leading to feelings of shame, and then drugs, and then paid sex....

DH thinks porn is shamelessly misogynistic (he already knew that, but this happening to his friends sister obviously left a strong impression.) In fact, he left a stag do at 9pm recently, when someone put a porn movie on. He said it would have been easy to stay and got some cheap titillation and put moral objections out of his head, unless he'd known the real horror of the background of the actors.

All men do not watch porn - though I admit that most men in our culture have watched it at some point... usually with other teenage boys, something they may regret in the future, and that I think our society will come to regret.

MrsMontagu - I'm sure you are comforting yourself with the "Its harmless" thought while your DH is wanking, watching our friends little sister being prostituted for £50 of coke. (Yes, she's stopped, but her performances are still apparently available online... she tried internet dating recently and was recognised.) Sick.

Exactly Lymond, its hard to enjoy watching porn when you know that womens choice could have been impaired in some way.

Not so enjoyable when you think she may well have started off as a run away teen to escape abuse etc, etc.

not read the whole thread but can i say, as a youth worker, one of my most depressing and regular conversations with teen girls are re:boyf's unrealistic expectations of sex - and consequent "disappointment" in girlfriends - resulting in girls feeling either useless/sad or having to take themselves to places sexually they probably aren't ready/that happy about and this is almost exclusively to do with teen boys watching hardcore porn. their expectations of women are dramatically skewed by the material they can access, and while there is lots of "harmless"/soft porn available, this is not what most of them end up watching. fwiw, it's equally "damaging" to the young men in question who must have a really bizarre idea of what women want from watching it!!

personally, i just find it quite sad and don't believe any of the men watching it would be pleased if their daughter/sister etc worked in this industry making them quite hypocritical in my opinion.

however, i know a lot of women are ok with it - must be a 'marmite' issue (which i find equally distasteful!)

Anyone who thinks their other half NEVER watches porn and 'knocks one off' is deluded.

I'm not gonna comment on whether it's right or wrong but they just do!

I did laugh at the comedian John Bishop who said if he had to talk to his son about the facts of life he could show him a porno. But then he'd have to tell him that 'they're not normally that willing, they don't often bring a mate and you can't get a plumber out in 20 minutes!'

I laughed!

I totally agree with Dittany on this.

The problem is that almost all boys start looking at porn at around 13/14.

They are watching it on the internet and on their phones, sending each other links. That would be OK if it weren't for the fact that almost ALL readily available porn depicts women with fake boobs, shaved fannies, the same hair do, in submissive positions. They will see hundreds of these images before they ever have their own first sexual encounters.

As Natasha Walters puts it in her book Living Dolls 'This massive colonisation of teenager's lives by commercial pornographic materials is something that is hard to feel sanguine about .... In pornography there is no before and no after; sex occurs in isolation. There is little individuality; every partner is interchangable. In porn ography there is no communication between individuals concerned; it is all performance directed at the observer. There is no emotional resonance to sex; everything happens on the exterior ... this dehumanised view of sexuality can clearly have real effects on [people's] own relationships'.

In fact Natasha talks about a woman who'd talked 'on a parenting website' (probably MN I reckon) about her concerns about her dh looking at porn, so a woman just like yourself Bubbles01. She had an email exchange with this woman who felt that her dh's porn viewing was affecting their own sex life. She couldn't help wondering what images he had in his head when having sex with her.

It's important to ask yourself if the women are being exploited, really. Would you be happy to meet them? Would their parents be proud of them? If these questions are uncomfortable for anyone it's because you have successfully managed to de-humanise the women who are in these films.

I'm saddened that so few people question the ethics of porn these days and have managed to convince themselves that it's acceptable way to treat women. People say it's all about choice and women choose to do it. However, any dissenters who don't watch porn or who feel uneasy about it are teased and called prudes. Where's their choice?

One of the problems with porn is that men learn that they just have to wave their d*ck around for women to have an OOOOO-AAAAAA-YESSSSSSS moment, so obviously they are disappointed if their partner needs a bit more foreplay in real life .

I don´t like my DH watching porn, but I know he sometimes does it (normally when I am out).

I have found mags which did not disturb me (as it wasn´t nasty or plastic, just a bit graphic, things like "Club" and the innocent Playboy (not really porn, just naked ladies))but amused me. Then a few websites which bothered me (like "teenage lesbian sl#ts" )a lot.

Have asked him to be discreet and taught him how to delete browsing history .

I think it would only be a problem for me if he needed to spend some time on the PC every evening before coming to bed IYSWIM.

It also bothers me if the focus is on teens.

I think he only does it when he´s bored and lonely.

2oldforthis - perhaps all the blokes you have met in life are a bit stupid then.

Of course it is possible that a man does not use porn. Jesus.

Chandon, I think there is a lot of porn is that involves teenage actresses (18/19/20 ish). It's not really that far different from your husband wanking over sixth formers...ew.

GetOrfMoiLand - I wasn't talking about the men in my life. Could start an 'all men are stupid thread' of course, though!

Of course it's possible, but unlikely. Men and women are wired differently - they just don't see the whole porn issue they way we do.

I wonder if some women beleive their OH NEVER masturbates?

This thread is reminding me of the breast feeding thread the other day, where some posters refused to believe that for some women, having their breasts touched by a man did not create a sexual response.

Why can't people just accept that not everybody has the same sexual interests? I think pornography is encouraging that perspective - it is attempting to mass market something so it has to create a market with uniform tasts and make you believe you NEED it.

It is like McDonald's - the 13 year old boy can be convinced he likes the Fillet O' Fish porn, the McNuggets porn or the Cheesburger porn, but there is no option or encouragement to like the casserole made at home to your own recipie.

Pornography is not about freedom of choice. It prevents freedom and choice. It gets to young, impressionable people and moulds their sexuality before they have any opportunity to develop any tastes other than those that can be met by consumerism.

should have been 'uniform tastes'

MillyR, sorry had to laugh, dp is off work today and he cupped my breasts from behind while i was making coffee. Strangely enough it reminded me to take the chicken breasts out of the freezer for dinner tonight,not quite a sexual response!

"DH has said before, in real life he would never look twice at these women, and they would be laughable. You wouldn't wanna go down the pub with one of them? "

Jesus, what an utter cunt

"Men and women are wired differently"

"wired"?

In what sense are humans "wired"?

Are you, by any chance, using a metaphor (mental "hardwiring") that you have heard used before but don't actually understand?

These aren't your own words are they?

Will you tell me in a minute that men are visual "creatures" (why is it always "creatures"?)

The things people will say to defend men and the supposed fact that they are powerless not to watch porn are so tediously predictable, right down to the words they choose.

It's amazing how willing people are to just parrot propaganda and how incapable of thinking for themselves, or even knowing that their thoughts are not their own.

You know, I've never met a man who didn't like porn at least occasionally. My current and previous partners do. My male friends do. Hell, I worked in the construction industry for years and believe you me that was an eye opener. For example, I happen to know the locations of various brothels around the country lol.

I'm not saying that there are no men who don't like porn, but I've yet to knowingly meet one.

If a woman objects hugely to her partner looking at porn, they should have a conversation with their man before they get married/make any big commitment. I would be mortified if my partner tried to change any of my likes and dislikes, he can take me as i am or not at all. Likewise, I accept him warts and all (not that he has warts, but you get the picture.)