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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu thinking teens should not do this

235 replies

Tiredmumno1 · 17/02/2010 17:15

Out with my two youngsters today and we were walking home from town down some back paths when i come across a massive group of teens, one says to me have you got 50p, i said no, as they walked off all i could hear was yeah i bet you havent. Why the hell cant they ask the parents i dont even know them. Its so intimidating.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/02/2010 22:11

I am only responding to the OP

EcoMouse · 17/02/2010 22:18

I've been chased by a grown man for not giving him change before now. Absolute stranger. I was heavily pregnant and that was scary.

Most groups of teens I come across, split to make way on the path, smile, say hello and at times offer help () with kerbs and buggies and such like.

I go for the pre-emptive strike. Smile and meet their eyes and you present yourself as much less of a victim, if they do happen to be in a mischievous mood.

tethersend · 17/02/2010 22:22

I wouldn't personally feel intimidated, AF- but that does not mean that the action of approaching strangers in a large group and asking for money isn't intimidating IYSWIM.

Whatever the boy in the OP's intent, he should know that his actions are intimidating when he is accompanied by a large group.

AnyFucker · 17/02/2010 22:41

I am not saying it isn't ever intimidating

I am saying you shouldn't let yourself be intimidated

does that make sense?

I know I appear to have a ballsy persona on here, but I am not a scary person in RL

just a normal mum who stands up for herself and is quite prepared to say "do one, sonny-boy" and give the hard stare

tbh, if you are going to get mugged, there is not a lot you can do about it, other than don't give off "victim" vibes and make 'em think twice

before anyone pulls me up...I am in no way saying that any behaviour makes it your own fault if something bad happens

but I will repeat, I was responding to the Op in this situation, which sounded to me like any bunch of slightly cocky teenagers who would have backed right down if challenged

have we all forgotten how to handle teenagers who are showing off? Didn't we all use to be one ????

2shoes · 17/02/2010 22:45

sorry but the op didn't describe anything more scary that a teen being abit gobby.

saying this, ds was intimidated yesterday just by the area we were in,he dresses in a certain way and whenever he goes into "that" area he gets grief, so he ended up scaring me lol

tethersend · 17/02/2010 22:53

You make sense, AF- but in response to the OP stating 'teens should not do this', I think she has a point. They shouldn't.

I keep telling teenagers off because I assume they all know I'm a teacher Thing is, nine times out of ten, it works

I think we should encourage teenagers to police their own behaviour, TBH.

AnyFucker · 17/02/2010 22:56

TE, yes, OP is right, they shouldn't

there is lots of stuff I am sure my well-brought-up 14 yo is doing without my knowledge

there are a lot of things the whole world shouldn't do, but we develop strategies to deal with them

this is a mild one by any standards, not worth getting intimidated by

AnyFucker · 17/02/2010 22:58

I shall leave it there, have said my bit

AnyFucker · 17/02/2010 22:58

repeatedly

Heated · 17/02/2010 23:08

Because I do deal with teenagers daily then I know they are not the spawn of Satan but are normally actually rather lovely, but can appreciate that any large group of ppl asking for money (don't have to be teenagers) when you are on your own and not expecting it can make you feel intimidated - after all that's often the intent! They feel anonymous in a large group and therefore less personally accountable. But if they were put on the spot by ppl they do feel accountable to they'd feel pretty embarrassed.

Have rescued dh from an aggressive beggar in London (dh given the impression he had a knife) with a good impression of being an outraged fishwife and drawing attention to his presence (was in the ticket section of the underground) but it's knowing tactics to use and in Tiredmummo1's shoes with the dcs I may well have felt the same.

GypsyMoth · 18/02/2010 00:00

So they were aged 13-15.... So the odd one could of been 12,or 11 even?

Nice to see so many posts In support of teens !

tethersend · 18/02/2010 00:07

I haven't been unsupportive of teens- they (nor anyone else) should not go up to strangers in large groups asking for money. It's intimidating behaviour, intentionally or otherwise.

I don't think it's supportive of teens to say that this behaviour isn't intimidating- perhaps that's not what you meant?

Original poster
Tiredmumno1 · 18/02/2010 00:24

Okay ilovetiffany if you were out with 20 mates, mixed sexes. You would all walk over to a woman with 2 dcs ask for 50p and then get some balls to make an attitudey comment when turned down. Surely you would know that behaviour is wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tiredmumno1 · 18/02/2010 00:25

You just wouldnt do it

OP posts:
Tortington · 18/02/2010 00:28

i have three teens, i love them dearly -i work with teens, i have set up and even ran youth clubs

in packs however

they can be scarey when you don't know them. AND they know it and like that powertrip whilst for most its just a laugh, doesn't stop me from shitting my knickers just a little bit

Original poster
Tiredmumno1 · 18/02/2010 00:29

And by the way it does not matter all that about how old they were it just happened to be teens that time. Another time was teens setting fire to the park for example - again would you do something like that - no you wouldnt, so why should the ones who behave this way get away with it. Its not big or anything like adult behaviour, by that sort of age they should know better

OP posts:
Tortington · 18/02/2010 00:31

oops - i dont have three teens anymore - i only have two now

Original poster
Tiredmumno1 · 18/02/2010 00:33

They can be scary, unfortunately i have only come across a couple of nice teens here, where i used to live they were much nicer, so am not anti teen, just anti bad behaviour.

OP posts:
EcoMouse · 18/02/2010 01:52

To add, my parents would have flayed me alive if they'd caught me begging money from strangers or anyone else for that matter, as part of a group or not.

Unless it was an emergency. Then they would have flayed me twice for also not having had the forethought to have spare change in case of emergency

probono · 18/02/2010 02:27

Well I think tethersend has the right idea and articulated it perfectly.

I can see how you would feel intimidated tiredmum.

All those who think she's being silly, wouldn't you stop your own teen doing this? Or do you actually think it's ok for your teen to be in a big group asking vulnerable looking people for money?

probono · 18/02/2010 04:57

oh and yanbu : teens should not do this

it's not the worst thing people do, by a long way, but no, of course they shoudn't do it

sarah293 · 18/02/2010 07:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

AnyFucker · 18/02/2010 10:50

probono...nobody said it was ok for teens to do this

where on earth did you get that idea from this thread ?

< turns back to the Jeremy Kyle Show whilst my teens run around unsupervised, demanding money with menaces from young mums in the 'hood >

probono · 18/02/2010 10:59

"I don't see the problem" was one of the comments...

also "Why are you demonising teens??"

"Were you never a teenager yourself? What did you think they would do? Stab you?"

"yabu and you should remember your little ones will one day be teens

"they didn't swear, didn't jostle, didn't actually threaten so unless you are a very timid person, I don't see the problem"

those sort of gave me the idea, and I think there are a few more too bit I stopped looking

OrmRenewed · 18/02/2010 12:54

People should not drop litter but they do. But seeing someone dropping a sweet wrapper doesn't mean that he is about to empty a bin bag of crap all over the park.

Likewise a teenager approaching you for 50p doesn't mean he is going to attack you for your mobile.

It's about perspective and not making assumptions.

And, no I wouldn't be happy about my children doing this. I also wouldn't be happy about my DC doing many things that other DC do. That's irrelevant.

How would the OP have felt if the teenagers had spoken to her or her children about something else? Was it just the asking for money that was intimidating? Or was their mere presence intimidating?

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