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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to want to slap the girl on 'one born every minute'?

448 replies

HoopsIsGettingMassive · 16/02/2010 21:31

in the title really, she is really making a meal of it!!

OP posts:
carocaro · 17/02/2010 09:23

She did not bully her last week, the baby was in distress and she was just being frank about the danger, and in a calm but firm way. What was she supposed to do leave it to get even more distressed?

I like the direct approach when in labour with my two, someone in charge and taking control.

Do you think that young ladies babies was affected by all her hyperventalating and he inability to get a grip for the sake of her baby, meant the baby got too distresssed hence the dipping heart and c-section?

carocaro · 17/02/2010 09:28

PS:

The food thing made me mad too! Both times with me the hospital were useless with getting me food, they kept forgetting as I was in an empty ward. My friend brought me spag bol in one night as they had not fed me since breakfast!

kansasmum · 17/02/2010 09:31

I worked with that midwife Kay in my training and she really is an awesome midwife- not everyone's cup of tea but excellent midwife.

I too wanted to slap Sam but felt sorry that no-one was really guiding here with her breathing etc- I swayed between wanting to hit Ed the partner and feeling really sorry for him cos he obviously wanted to do the best for Sam and his dd but hadn't clue how to achieve it.

This program really highlights how short of midwives we are in this country.

I do think that Sam's inability to cope and all that hyperventilating and stress would not be good for the baby but that's just my opinion.

porcamiseria · 17/02/2010 09:33

YABU!!!! where is the sympathy

Joy was scared shitless
Screamer was scared shitless

meanies

I sobbed like a baby when they bought the baby through to the screamers partner tho, as did DP.DP ACTUALLY SAID "its worse for the partners" to me HA

yes have your bollocks slit 5cm then stitched up again, then come and talk to me......

The Mum was harsh, but she was so strong when it went hairy

JaneS · 17/02/2010 09:36

carocaro, I see what you mean but I thought if that was me, I would have been so irritated by her. But maybe that is just me - I hate being shouted at when I need to concentrate. I just felt that once the mum had got the message (which she clearly had), repeating it wasn't helping. But I see your point.

It hadn't occurred to me (stupid) that the hyperventilation could have been bad for the baby but maybe it was. Mind you, she didn't seem to realize why she was meant to be slowing her breathing down so I have quite a lot of sympathy for her. I guess they showed the other lady whose baby's heartrate was dropping as a kind of contrast though - she was calm as anything!

Morloth · 17/02/2010 09:37

Unless you are in her body, you have no idea what is going on for her.

Labour is a time when women should focus entirely on themselves and their feelings and everyone else should just suck up whatever the fuck they say.

Dear god, now we have to worry about other people while in labour?

expatinscotland · 17/02/2010 09:40

Um, the reason why neither Ed nor the mother were in theatre with Sam was because she had a general anaesthetic.

And yes, Ed looked like he couldn't cope well. He explained his father had died when he was young. It's likely, from the sound of it, that he grew up in a very deprived area and didn't have many opportunities and obviously got no counselling to deal with his issues.

midori1999 · 17/02/2010 09:44

I have to admit, at first i thought 'goodness, what a terrible fuss', but then I remembered my first labour and how nothing really prepares you for what it is like.

I thought labour pains would be like bad period pains and it never occurred to me (for some reason!) despite antenatal classes that actually giving birth would hurt. I has started out with the whole 'stay upright and mobile, as little pain relief as possible' mantra, and then stayed on the bed the whole time and asked for an epidural although I couldn't have one as it was too late.

I can also distinctly remember waiting in a room panicking as my contractions were two minutes apart and I thought I would give birth on my own any second if they didn't come back soon, only to be told upon examination I was only 3cm dilated and it could be hours before I gave birth.

Earthstar · 17/02/2010 09:44

I felt really sorry for Sam and I didn't think she was very well supported - her mother just seemed to me to be embarrassed that Sam was "making a fuss" in front of the camera and showing her up.

Why force her to wait so long for the epidural that she asked for - was that a humane and kind way to treat her?

JaneS · 17/02/2010 09:45

I thought Ed was a nice guy.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 17/02/2010 09:45

lifebegins.channel4.com/birth/types-of-birth/natural-birth/water-birth/asuka-gives-birth/

This is an amazing birth video, so calm, I'm jealous!

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 17/02/2010 09:46

oops wrong thread, but sort of relevant

slightlystressed · 17/02/2010 09:51

I'm just glad that baby has got a nan with a bit of common sense, cos neither ed or sam seem to have any, they don't even have a hoover!!

letsblowthistacostand · 17/02/2010 09:52

Found Sam really annoying at first but it did seem like she was in a lot more pain than is normal at that stage. Maybe baby was in a bad position? DD2 was posterior and it really fucking hurt, got to the point I couldn't move at all, felt like my hips had come undone. Had to be flipped like a beached whale in order to give birth.

Thought Joy was hilarious. Tell me none of you would be a bit bitchy after being in hospitsl for 4 days.

lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 17/02/2010 09:58

Joy reminded me of me after a good few weeks in hospital.
Sam was really making a meal of it, but its up to her. Ed needed a good slap to be there for her, and pull it together.
Very bad that no one who know what they were doing was there to help poor Sam, poor girl must have be terrified

herbietea · 17/02/2010 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 17/02/2010 10:04

Why force her to wait so long for the epidural that she asked for - was that a humane and kind way to treat her?

LOL! She waited about an hour. She's very lucky she went into labour during the day, too. There are many many on this board who waited far, far longer or were completely unable to get one at all.

I waited all night for one and had a back to back baby, anterior placenta, who had her hand up by her head (forceps delivery).

Waited three hours for another one after enduring an agonising 1.5 hour ambulance ride to go a to a CLU - had a 9lbs., 5oz. kid (I'm not a big person) who had cord wrapped round his neck so he couldn't descend well.

Her mother knew her best. She was out of control and had been for years. She was foolish to 'fall pregnant' to someone who obviously was not in a position to support her, because she was in a position to support herself, too.

She was a very immature 20-year-old, so was he.

I feel sorry for the nana and the baby.

gizmo · 17/02/2010 10:04

Christ on a bike, so this is what they mean by the Mumsnet Harpies. OP, you are being f*cking unreasonable.

How do you know she wasn't having a back to back labour and/or a really complex presentation that would cause agonising contractions from the start? It would explain the baby's decels and the crash caesarian.

How do you know she wasn't actually trying really hard to 'pull herself together' in the hours which we didn't see on TV? The editing was heavily biased towards presenting her as a fussy first timer, particularly the air time given to her mum.

Sam is very young, obviously pretty ill-informed about labour, plainly very, very frightened by the pain (which is going to make it a great deal worse) and has no support of any use - I do not think having your mum leaning over you hissing: 'you've got no option' and 'you're making a fool of yourself' sounds particularly supportive and her poor partner is basically shit scared. Maybe effective and continual support from a midwife might have helped, maybe not, but who the h*ll are you to judge?

The only time I lost patience with her is when she put up a feeble resistance to the c-section: possibly because she was aware that in some people's eyes she would have 'failed' and it's attitudes like yours, OP, that cause this confusion.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2010 10:05

'they don't even have a hoover!!'

Or jobs. Or an education. Or maturity.

JaneS · 17/02/2010 10:11

expat, aren't you being a little harsh? Ed, the dad, clearly has struggled and explained he'd lost his father young, and was now trying very hard to get a job with next-to-no qualifications. I thought it was very sad that at one point he said 'of course, I've got my GCSEs', and then proceeded to say they were D's and E's (so effectively, worthless as employers generally need C's and above). He clearly didn't know how best to go on, but he was trying and they obviously loved each other.

Sure, Sam is young and seemed very young on camera, but she was scared in a lot of pain with her mother running the commentary on her - who knows what she'll be like as a mum? Her own mum looked very together and had her at 20.

Sorry, I'm going on a bit but I don't see how you can judge her so much on so little basis.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2010 10:13

'expat, aren't you being a little harsh?'

Excuse me, I already said he was doing the best he could after he just got slated here for not being 'supportive' enough of her and posted not half an hour ago about his background.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2010 10:14

'Sorry, I'm going on a bit but I don't see how you can judge her so much on so little basis.'

I don't see how you can single me out for being 'harsh' after an OP that stated she wanted to slap the girl.

But carry on. I'm well-used to it.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2010 10:16

'Um, the reason why neither Ed nor the mother were in theatre with Sam was because she had a general anaesthetic.

And yes, Ed looked like he couldn't cope well. He explained his father had died when he was young. It's likely, from the sound of it, that he grew up in a very deprived area and didn't have many opportunities and obviously got no counselling to deal with his issues. '

that was my post in response to slagging posts about ed's not being in theatre with teh girl.

poor baby. poor nana.

no wonder the government's got a campaign on to get young people on long-term contraception (this was on another thread about Mirena coils with one GP and one either GP or practice nurse on it).

PrivetDancer · 17/02/2010 10:19

She was very annoying. she had plenty of energy to shout and make sarky comments in the middle of the contractions so I can't help thinking she was just being a drama queen.

Joy, on the other hand, I thought was very funny I liked her and her pillow rant.

expatinscotland · 17/02/2010 10:20

Joy hysterical. I'd have been pissed off, too, injecting early and then chasing up the dinner.