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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not let on about non-vegetarian meal?

130 replies

TabithaTwitchet · 15/02/2010 18:13

We had SIL and her partner round to Sunday lunch yesterday.

They are vegetarians so I cooked a vegetable and bean tomatoey stew. Planned to serve it with jacket potatoes (our stove is in its dotage and only 2 hob rings actually work, so needed to cook potatoes in the oven so room on hob for vegetables and stew)
DD struggles with jacket potatoes, so was going to remove the insides of hers, mash them with butter and cheese and then stick them back in the skins. So I thought I would ask if anyone else would like their potato done the same way, and it emerged that SIL's partner (aka the world's fussiest man) doesn't like jacket potatoes OR mashed potatoes - even when not put back into their jackets. And he doesn't like couscous either. So was wracking my brains and thought of roast potatoes, which were deemed acceptable, so shoved some goose fat in a baking tray, stuck them in the oven, Bobs your uncle, everyone enjoyed lunch.

Was only this evening, whilst complaining on phone to friend about fussiness of guest, that it suddenly occurred to me that goose fat is not strictly vegeatarian .

Now if they were veggy for religious reasons, or medical ones, I would obviously have to tell them. But it is because they are animal lovers.
AIBU not to tell them? It was a genuine mistake, it seems a bit late to tell them, there is nothing they can do, so I'll just be spoiling their evening (and possibly making them feel slightly sick) for nothing.

OP posts:
ForestFire · 15/02/2010 18:19

nope

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 15/02/2010 18:23

Dont tell them but for fuck sake dont do it again. Either you are happy to cater to vegetarians or you arent - if you are then bloody well serve something vegetarian. Goose fat is the fat of a bloody animal, not vegetarian in the slightest.

Vallhala · 16/02/2010 01:26

What kat said. I'm a veggie on moral grounds too and would be horrified but it was a genuine mistake and as you say there is nothing you can do about it now apart from make your guests feel ill!

TBH BIL sounds like a PITA. Moral/health/religious reasons are acceptable ones for refusing a paricular dish though courtesy dictates that the guest should tell in advance, with manners. For a grown man to refuse something because he merely doesn't like it is just rude.

MrsGubbins · 16/02/2010 01:40

oh crikey! I would vomit for a week if I found out you'd done this to me and probably not speak to you for a very long time! so don't tell them, I would prefer not to know after the event.

I normally ask "errrrmmmm, how did you cook the roasties? they look lovely" just so I don't sound like a veggie hippie freak, if I'm told they were crisped up with goose fat or sat snugly next to the beef/lamb then I'm forced to explain that I won't eat them and hope it doesn't offend the hostess.

Although I can normally smell goose fat - my sister cooks hers this way and I can smell it at the table, so if they gobbled them down, they obviously enjoyed them!

Reminds me when I was a horrid teenager and one of my sisters was Vegan - we gave her egg noodles and the whole family smirked when she munched them all up.. tut tut tut!

solo · 16/02/2010 02:25

Sorry! that's made me giggle!
One of my friends ate a meat topped something or other by mistake recently and enjoyed it so much, she's back on the meat... after 15 years!

BitOfFun · 16/02/2010 02:31

It's a mistake. Keep schtum. It might have nourished them anyway

sunnydelight · 16/02/2010 04:33

Am wetting myself laughing at the "goose fat is not strictly vegetarian" comment!!!

If you had done it deliberately it would have been totally unreasonable (and tbh, you should have been a bit more careful), but it was an honest mistake so I'd keep quiet or you may get major fall out.

mrspoppins · 16/02/2010 04:35

Keep quiet.It's done and was a mistake..Just don't do it again!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ArcticFox · 16/02/2010 04:55

SIL's partner lost right to have dietary requirements respected when he told you he doesn't like jacket potatoes.Bloody rude. He's an adult. He should have just eaten it.

Therefore, dont worry about it. However, you might want to consider telling him, if only to ensure that he doesn't ever come to lunch again

Btw- for people with religious dietary restrictions, don't tell them either. So long as they believe in good faith that the food is ok they are off the hook - a muslim friend of mine said "If Nando's tell me that the meat is halal, and it isn't, then that is between Nando's and Allah"

Rockbird · 16/02/2010 05:22

Bloody hell kat, remind me not to have you as a guest if that's how you react. The op has made it clear it was a mistake, she didn't sit there plotting to bring down vegetarians so your response was a little nasty, no?

TrickyTeenagersMum · 16/02/2010 05:24

V V funny. I would definitely keep schtum.
What kind of person eats roast but not baked potatoes anyway?
Kat, wow, you're a nice relaxed understanding person, I'd cook for you any day.

nighbynight · 16/02/2010 06:22

Dont tell them
I once served a suet pud to a vegetarian child by mistake - I said nothing when I realised, as would only have caused grief.

GeekIsGood · 16/02/2010 06:57

You were extremely U to do it but they are better off not knowing now it's too late. On behalf of veggies, do not sneakily feed us meat products. We have to trust you not to so don't betray that.

Am flummoxed as to how someone's religious rituals trump someone else's deliberate moral choice? YABVU to think that.

gtamom · 16/02/2010 08:21

Next time just serve the baked potatoes or tell them the food was cooked in lard. They trusted you.

Ask them one day how they would feel if someone accidentally served them something cooked with fat...then decide from there whether you should confess.
If they find out from someone else, it will not be good.

gtamom · 16/02/2010 08:24

PS. You can toss potatoes in olive or vegetable oil and roast them.

ConnorTraceptive · 16/02/2010 08:30

Your guest was very rude so I have little sympathy with him However why on earth didn't you justuse oiloive oil??

GetOrfMoiLand · 16/02/2010 08:38

I did exactly the same one Christmas with my vegetarian stepson. I made sure I did him a mushroom thingy instead of turkey, vegetarian stuffing, veg sausages to replace chipolatas etc. Just didn't think about the goose fat. It only dawned on me when we were in the middle of eating our dinner and I got ferocious drunken giggles.

I didn't tell him. What would have been the point?

Mind you the karma police have got their revenge because stepson is a strict vegan now and is an absolute nightmare to cook for.

MaMight · 16/02/2010 08:42

On balance I'd prefer not to know I think.

[humourless vegetarian emoticon]

SoupDragon · 16/02/2010 08:44

It was an honest mistake, don't fret about it and certainly don't tell - what is there to gain for anyone?

SoupDragon · 16/02/2010 08:44

(although WTF did you think goose fat was made of??! )

LisaD1 · 16/02/2010 08:47

I wouldn't tell them as it's done now, can't be undone but telling them would only upset them and possibly cause a row.

Like other's have said - just don't do it again!

I love my meat BUT would respect the dietary wishes of my guests.

bintofbohemia · 16/02/2010 08:49

I think I'd rather not know, because it would make me sick if I knew, and I would never be able to come and eat at yours again! So if you like SIL, say nowt, and if you don't, fess up...

overmydeadbody · 16/02/2010 08:55

I'm surprised a fussy vegetarian didn't taste the goose fat tbh.

overmydeadbody · 16/02/2010 08:57

#no point in telling him now though. Damage done and all that. Tell him to bring his own carbs next time.

Goblinchild · 16/02/2010 09:00

I'm a strict vegetarian, my vote is 'Don't tell them' or anyone else who might know them either.
It's done, it was accidental, them knowing won't change the facts and just upset them.
If you tell anyone in RL, they may find out and that wouldn't be good either.

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