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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not let on about non-vegetarian meal?

130 replies

TabithaTwitchet · 15/02/2010 18:13

We had SIL and her partner round to Sunday lunch yesterday.

They are vegetarians so I cooked a vegetable and bean tomatoey stew. Planned to serve it with jacket potatoes (our stove is in its dotage and only 2 hob rings actually work, so needed to cook potatoes in the oven so room on hob for vegetables and stew)
DD struggles with jacket potatoes, so was going to remove the insides of hers, mash them with butter and cheese and then stick them back in the skins. So I thought I would ask if anyone else would like their potato done the same way, and it emerged that SIL's partner (aka the world's fussiest man) doesn't like jacket potatoes OR mashed potatoes - even when not put back into their jackets. And he doesn't like couscous either. So was wracking my brains and thought of roast potatoes, which were deemed acceptable, so shoved some goose fat in a baking tray, stuck them in the oven, Bobs your uncle, everyone enjoyed lunch.

Was only this evening, whilst complaining on phone to friend about fussiness of guest, that it suddenly occurred to me that goose fat is not strictly vegeatarian .

Now if they were veggy for religious reasons, or medical ones, I would obviously have to tell them. But it is because they are animal lovers.
AIBU not to tell them? It was a genuine mistake, it seems a bit late to tell them, there is nothing they can do, so I'll just be spoiling their evening (and possibly making them feel slightly sick) for nothing.

OP posts:
AmesBS7 · 16/02/2010 12:11

I did the same thing with a chicken stock cube in an otherwise veggie meal. Sadly, I realised before we sat down and, after a bit of agony, had to confess so that the guests could make up their own mind.
It then turned out that the guest was no longer veggie anyway.
Ho ho ho.
[Who the hell does not mention that they have 'gone off' veggie-ism when going round for dinner to friends who've only ever known you as a veggie!!!]

Abihattie · 16/02/2010 12:32

I bet they thought those roasties tasted bloody good (grin)

My Mums a veggie and I always ask her if she wants me to seperate the roasties in olive oil but she usually says no - think she enjoys them secretly.

You made a mistake. No point telling them now.

WeddingDaze · 16/02/2010 12:37

AmesBS7 - Maybe she was just ravenous!

OP - Don't let on not worth it, it isn't as if you did it on purpose.

JodieO · 16/02/2010 12:45

Agree with Kat. I'm so fed up of people laughing about vegetarians or saying their choices about what food they eat aren't valid. So what if someone is a fussy eater? I'm a vegetarian AND a fussy eater, wow take me out and shoot me at dawn....

I don't put people out and if I don't like something they I just don't eat it, sorry but I won't force food down my throat that makes me feel ill either...mugs if you do that to be honest. Life is too short to moan and complain or to eat food you don't like; that goes for adults and children btw.

Some people amaze me..and not in a good way.

Rockbird · 16/02/2010 12:57

Oh Jodie ffs. No one is laughing at vegetarians and the OP didn't do it on purpose. Kat's answer was downright nasty. It's one thing to be annoyed but that attitude is completely unneccesary. Good luck if that's how you want to be seen, your dinner invitations will be few and far between with kat's outlook.

WeddingDaze · 16/02/2010 13:10

Well good for you Jodie - OPs dinner guests did put her out, missing your point here tbh

sarah293 · 16/02/2010 13:12

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5Foot5 · 16/02/2010 13:18

JodieO - I would never knowingly feed a vegetarian meat products, nor do I laugh at their lifestyle choice. But I do find the whole "fussy eater" thing irritating - especially in adults. And let me stress that goes for fussy meat eaters too.

Sure when you are in your own home if you have things you dislike then obviously you avoid them. But if you are a guest and your host has served you something that don't like much but which you are not actually allergic too and have no moral/religious objection too, then I do think it is plain rude not to just eat it anyway.

Ziggurat · 16/02/2010 13:23

JodieO - I have next to no tolerance for fussy-eating toddlers and zero tolerance for fussy-eating adults.

If you're invited to someone's house for dinner and they've gone to the trouble of cooking for you and arranging a lovely meal and you sit there and refuse to eat half of it, it's the height of rudeness.

Some people really amaze me. And not in a good way.

TubbyDuffs · 16/02/2010 13:26

As a veggie, I'd really rather not know when there is absolutely nothing I can do about it!

For the record, goose fat is most definitely not veggie.

Honest mistake.

mrspoppins · 16/02/2010 13:26

unquietdad
What can I say!!!!!!!! OMG soooooooo funny!

imaginewittynamehere · 16/02/2010 13:34

Rockbird, I disagree, Kat was not nasty, blunt & forceful maybe but I feel a perfectly reasonable viewpoint. OP was trusted to cater a veggie meal & failed, I think in that context "for fuck sake dont do it again" was perfectly reasonable.

As an aside the OP's BIL was also an unreasonable guest & the OP very accomodating, I would have served my planned meal & added bread as others have suggested rather than try to provide something else, that does not excuse the goosefat mistake though.

ScreaminEagle · 16/02/2010 13:38

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Blackduck · 16/02/2010 13:44

The cheese and onion crisp thing used to be true (rennett in the cheese...) Not sure about crispy bacon, but alot of the so called 'meat' flavours are suitable for vegetarians (assuming you would want to eat them) as there isn't a jot of real meat in sight....
Re this dilemma - don;t tell - its too late....and agree I hate the undercurrent of 'i fed my veggie friend x and they didn't even notice' for fgs grow up or don't offer to cook for them...

chipmonkey · 16/02/2010 13:55

I think OP's BIL took fussiness to a new level by refusing Jacket Potatoes though. No herbs or spices on there and he was happy to eat roasties.
Sounds like a self-absorbed twat and I wouldn't waste another second worrying about him!

ScreaminEagle · 16/02/2010 14:02

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nickelbabe · 16/02/2010 14:02

definitely don't tell them.

if i had found out after the event, i would be fucking furious.

i'm a firm believer in what you don't know can't hurt you.

but, like someone further up, i always check what the potatoes have been cooked in before i eat.

and i actually can't believe she didn't notice that it was goose fat: it smells of burning flesh to me.

i have to add, though, that it was bloody rude of them not to tell you their preferences re: the potatoes beforehand. if they don't like something but haven't told you then they should eat it anyway.

nickelbabe · 16/02/2010 14:06

btw, the only situation i would let on would be for medical reasons.

even religious reasons i wouldn't tell, because there's nothing you can do about it, but medical could cause proper problems and they would need to know for healthcare.

coldtits · 16/02/2010 14:11

It doesn't smell of burning flesh to anyone who thinks of burning flesh as food, which would be anyone who isn't a vegetarian. It smells of food. Delicious roasting potatoes. And when you're run ragged, food is food.

If, for example, I had someone round who didn't eat pork, and I cooked what I thought was chicken sausages, I wouldn't notice if they smelled like pork as opposed to chicken, because I would be expecting food - and too me, both pork and chicken are food.

onagar · 16/02/2010 14:13

For those who said it's the same. If you accidentally give meat to a vegetarian it DOES make a difference if they are avoiding meat for animal rights reasons or if they think it's vile and disgusting to eat it.

If the former they could be irritated but wouldn't be ill over it.

For those who think the rest of us should know all the ins and outs of your particular needs. No we don't. We will cook the things you like if you ask, but we're not interested in making a hobby of learning about all the variations (and there are so many different kinds of vegetarian anyway)

Also fussy eating can mean two things. If you genuinely hate the taste of say onions then fair enough, but if its 'oh I just don't fancy that today! go cook me something else" then you can go without.

onagar · 16/02/2010 14:15

lol at it "smells of burning flesh to me". Do you really think it smells bad to the rest of us too and that we just force it down?

nickelbabe · 16/02/2010 14:52

it does! the reason i mentioned it is because it is a strong smell to a vegetarian and a strong recognisable smell too.

and you can tell it smells totally different from vegetable oil or olive oil.

i don't think it smells bad to you, onagar: i think that mushy peas stink like rotting compost too! but then, the smells i think are yummy might smell gross to someone who doesn't like them!

you are right, anyway - if someone has a particular food fuss, it's up to them to mention it.

TabithaTwitchet · 16/02/2010 21:04

Now I am worried SIL could smell it wasn't veggy and didn't say anything because she is such a lovely person or was embarrassed - she was v embarrassed about partner's fussiness. (Am certain he didn't realise as he would def have said something)

OP posts:
giraffesCantCeilidhDance · 16/02/2010 21:08

I'm a veggie and wouldn't want you to tell me, it was an honest mistake.

junglistwaspoorendof · 16/02/2010 21:16

I wouldn't want to know either. It was an honest mistake, just let it go, you know now for next time