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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not let on about non-vegetarian meal?

130 replies

TabithaTwitchet · 15/02/2010 18:13

We had SIL and her partner round to Sunday lunch yesterday.

They are vegetarians so I cooked a vegetable and bean tomatoey stew. Planned to serve it with jacket potatoes (our stove is in its dotage and only 2 hob rings actually work, so needed to cook potatoes in the oven so room on hob for vegetables and stew)
DD struggles with jacket potatoes, so was going to remove the insides of hers, mash them with butter and cheese and then stick them back in the skins. So I thought I would ask if anyone else would like their potato done the same way, and it emerged that SIL's partner (aka the world's fussiest man) doesn't like jacket potatoes OR mashed potatoes - even when not put back into their jackets. And he doesn't like couscous either. So was wracking my brains and thought of roast potatoes, which were deemed acceptable, so shoved some goose fat in a baking tray, stuck them in the oven, Bobs your uncle, everyone enjoyed lunch.

Was only this evening, whilst complaining on phone to friend about fussiness of guest, that it suddenly occurred to me that goose fat is not strictly vegeatarian .

Now if they were veggy for religious reasons, or medical ones, I would obviously have to tell them. But it is because they are animal lovers.
AIBU not to tell them? It was a genuine mistake, it seems a bit late to tell them, there is nothing they can do, so I'll just be spoiling their evening (and possibly making them feel slightly sick) for nothing.

OP posts:
stitch · 17/02/2010 15:31

i wouldnt tell about an honest mistake like the original posters. but when cooking for veggetarians, i am always careful about not using the same spoon to stir stuff, unlike when cooking otherwise.

KittySpencersEmerald · 17/02/2010 15:35

beasring in mind most of us are cannibals when realy starving

i think they will cope

solo · 17/02/2010 16:10

As far as I remember, it was an actual recipe LetThereBeRock ~ honest!

Rollmops · 17/02/2010 16:37

LetThereBeRock, quote:
"I'm sure the majority of people who enjoy meat can last one meal without it and I'm presuming that they have no ethical objections to the consumption of fruit and vegetables."

I beg to differ. Prime example, my dahlin' exH. The only 'vegetables' he ever consumed were the olives in his martinis. Even the innocent spuds got a veeeery suspicious look and were discarded with disdain. If the thing on his plate didn't mooo, he wouldn't touch it.

There are also great number of people who follow low carbs high protein diet and beans just won't cut it.

sarah293 · 17/02/2010 16:54

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LetThereBeRock · 17/02/2010 16:59

They should decline the invite in that case or eat before they go.

They're unlikely to keel over from missing one meal.

PorphyrophillicPixie · 17/02/2010 17:53

As a veggie I'd be quite sickened by this [for a short while anyways] and I'm not a vegetarian for any reason apart from finding the thought of eating meat a bit disturbing, especially when we say it's okay to eat one type but not another (cows vs dogs etc).

As they say though, you learn from your mistakes and no doubt this is one of those things that'll forever be on your mind when cooking!

Though gods know what you were thinking when you decided to use the goose fat! pmsl

Though those saying that he won't exactly keel over or get ill, well you could possibly be wrong. Many veggies have gotten ill after eating meat if they've not eaten it for a while. Whether this is because they're letting their feelings getting the better of them or not I'm not sure, but it does happen! Apparently the proteins do something? shrugs

Rollmops · 17/02/2010 18:30

Mr Rollmops here,

Veggie mates are extremely useful if you are in a crowded bar. If they had bean casserole and nut loaf for lunch, a "silent but deadly" soon clears a path to the bar.

One veggie mate used to drop a "Uri Geller Smeller". It would waft around the house bending spoons and stopping clocks as it went.

cheesesarnie · 17/02/2010 18:43

id want to know.we dont eat meat -ds2 nursery said 'if we accidently gave ds2 some meat you wouldnt know' and .umm yes we would-he'd have the runs for a few days.that would be lovely.

lololol · 17/02/2010 18:55

YANBU,

You thought of a vegetarian meal in accordance with the guests' wishes.

Then your guests arrived and were so rude as to be fussy as to which type of potato they would eat (for no good reason - eat roast but not mashed - I'd expect that from my autistic 3yo, not a grown NT man )

In your panic, you accidentally used non veggie fat. There was no malice on your part and if he hadn't been such a rude fussy bugger at short notice, it wouldn't have happened.

Don't tell them, nothing to be gained, only partly your fault, not wholly.

traceybath · 17/02/2010 18:58

Reminds me of my mum making lovely vegetable soup for my ex bf who was veggie. As he was eating it she was telling us how she made it - lovely chicken stock, tomatoes etc.

He stopped eating it at that point as my mother suddenly realised chicken stock wasn't vegetarian. Was only later in the kitchen she confessed it also had bacon in it. I mean she'd tried but honestly how did she manage to chope and fry bacon whilst congratulating herself on cooking such a nice vegetarian soup.

But I wouldn't say anything in your situation. And agree he was rude - I am dreadfully fussy but also very polite and would always eat some of what I was given or at least hide it under a napkin.

onagar · 17/02/2010 19:21

I wouldn't actually expect a vegetarian to cook meat for me especially, but have you noticed how little respect the omnivore choice is given?

It's not every vegetarian of course, but sadly many do demand respect for their choices while speaking of ours as though it were a perversion. Expecting us to go to great lengths to learn about and accommodate their choice while showing no interest whatsoever in ours.

LunaticFringe · 17/02/2010 19:57

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PrincessFiorimonde · 17/02/2010 19:58

lololol (and others further up this thread) - agree with you that there was no malice aforethought. Seems that OP was just trying to be accommodating - and not trying to be: "Ha ha, I will stick meat product down your vegetarian throat."

I speak as one who was a veggie for many years. Was quite often served a cheese and onion quiche (or similar) at meat-eaters' homes. Was later dismayed to discover that many quiches are produced with animal fat. I was to discover this. (OK, I was young, and probably stupid, and just never thought about it properly.) But I never thought, retrospectively, that anyone had deliberately served me animal-fat-inclusive pastry.

PorphyrophillicPixie · 17/02/2010 20:10

Princess: I'd never thinkt hat quiche had meat fat in it! But then I hate quiche and am very fussy!

I ask for ideas on what people are cooking and will generally think something easy and quick that's veggie to go along with it if I'm invited for dinner somewhere. It amazes me how many meat eaters eat pretty much vegetarian meals but never think it's veggie (iyswim?), like pasta in a tomato sauce, very popular and very simple yet very much vegetarian too, and pea and squash risotto. My charges in my nanny job spent months getting used to the idea that I was eating exactly the same as them 2 or 3 nights a week

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/02/2010 20:46

Expecting us to go to great lengths to learn about and accommodate their choice while showing no interest whatsoever in ours

I dont expect anyone to go to great lengths to accommodate my choices. If someone I know well invites me to dinner that is fully their choice and they know they are offering to provide a veggie meal. I have arrived and been provided with meat before (only in DHs country where vegetarianism doesnt exist) and would rather eat nothing at all than be a pain and have them make something special (which they always do, even if only boiled eggs, the culture here being what it is)

I have never, to my knowledge, ever demanded that anyone cook for me so how I can be accused of expecting anyone to learn about my choices I dont know.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 17/02/2010 20:48

and DH's farts and crap smells a million times worse than mine. I also think DS's nappies dont smell as bad as other babies'.

LetThereBeRock · 17/02/2010 21:23

I honestly can't say I've noticed Onagar. I know there are particuarly militant vegetarians out there and I've encountered one or two on this site but I've yet to encounter any on this particular thread.

I've no pro meat agenda,unless better conditions for farm animals counts, much as I enjoy eating it, so I'm in no way offended if a vegetarian describes how disgusting they think meat is or how bad it tastes.

sarah293 · 18/02/2010 07:35

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Pandora800 · 19/02/2010 00:04

By the by, OP, vegetable and bean tomatoey stew with baked potatoes sounds delicious. You can cook for me any time (just no goosey roasties for me, thanks! )

AliGrylls · 19/02/2010 00:09

yanbu. He sounds desperately fussy in an irritating kind of a way. Next time you go to theirs tell them you expect to be cooked a big fat steak to compensate.

oldraver · 19/02/2010 10:03

Mathew Wright is going to cover this and when he mentioned 'goose fat on your roasties' I wondered if he pinched the story from here

bintofbohemia · 19/02/2010 10:22

I've often wondered if it was a coincidence that discussions on the Wright Stuff often seem uncannily similar to those on here - guess not! Prepare for the usual tedious veggie bashing...

bintofbohemia · 19/02/2010 10:23

Oh, and OP - lets hope your SIL doesn't watch TWS or she will not only discover that they ate goose but also that her husband is a twat!

amber1979 · 19/02/2010 10:27

He did pinch the story from here - he said he did. They get a lot from here. They did a thing on boys in tights awhile ago lol