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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not let on about non-vegetarian meal?

130 replies

TabithaTwitchet · 15/02/2010 18:13

We had SIL and her partner round to Sunday lunch yesterday.

They are vegetarians so I cooked a vegetable and bean tomatoey stew. Planned to serve it with jacket potatoes (our stove is in its dotage and only 2 hob rings actually work, so needed to cook potatoes in the oven so room on hob for vegetables and stew)
DD struggles with jacket potatoes, so was going to remove the insides of hers, mash them with butter and cheese and then stick them back in the skins. So I thought I would ask if anyone else would like their potato done the same way, and it emerged that SIL's partner (aka the world's fussiest man) doesn't like jacket potatoes OR mashed potatoes - even when not put back into their jackets. And he doesn't like couscous either. So was wracking my brains and thought of roast potatoes, which were deemed acceptable, so shoved some goose fat in a baking tray, stuck them in the oven, Bobs your uncle, everyone enjoyed lunch.

Was only this evening, whilst complaining on phone to friend about fussiness of guest, that it suddenly occurred to me that goose fat is not strictly vegeatarian .

Now if they were veggy for religious reasons, or medical ones, I would obviously have to tell them. But it is because they are animal lovers.
AIBU not to tell them? It was a genuine mistake, it seems a bit late to tell them, there is nothing they can do, so I'll just be spoiling their evening (and possibly making them feel slightly sick) for nothing.

OP posts:
ravenAK · 16/02/2010 21:39

I am veggie & wouldn't be bothered if you told me or not (I'm with the guy who thinks Nando's halal compliance is between Nando's & Allah )

For me, I don't eat meat because 25 years ago I was revolted by what I learnt about intensive farming; I could now happily eat meat farmed to higher standards of animal welfare, but I'm a bit grossed out at ther thought, in a 'chicken is to me as poodle is to your average omnivore' sort of way.

However, what I think's interesting is that people see food completely differently - it would never occur to me that it could be effortful to remember that goose fat isn't suitable when cooking for vegetarians.

Not having a go at the OP, it's just salutary to be reminded that many many people still see vegetarianism as a tiresome oddity.

runnybottom · 16/02/2010 22:05

OP's BIL is a tiresome oddity, thats for sure.

I don't believe that a strict veggie wouldn't no from the smell and the taste that it was goose fat. Its completely obvious.

Neither do I believe the drama queens who say they would vomit instantaneously on hearing they had been served something non veggie a week earlier.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 16/02/2010 22:09

I wasnt nasty, I just think that its a bit dumb to roast potatoes in animal fat if you are serving them to vegetarians. If I found out that my mate had done that Id be very pissed off. But what you dont know wont hurt you so telling would serve no purpose.
BIL does sound like a fussy twat though. I would just refuse a potato in his situation, not make prior requests as to the type of potato served.

pigletmania · 16/02/2010 22:17

It was a mistake Kat fgs easy to make if you are in a rush and multi tasking, I am sure that you have made them too! As op has said there is nothing that they can do so blissful ignorance imo. Yes the dh was being a right royal Pita.

kitcat1977 · 16/02/2010 22:28

OP, really don't spend any more time worrying about either B or SIL. A mistake is a mistake by its very nature. What's the point in asking 'why didn't you use olive oil?' ('errrr, because I was hassled and made a mistake')

If BIL hadn't been such an awkward prick then you wouldn't have stuffed up in the first place. Although I think he'd have been rude not to eat something as bland and inoffensive as a jacket potato, he could've just not moaned and left it. At the very least he should have insisted that you didn't go to the effort of cooking an alternative.

YADNBU!

Pandora800 · 17/02/2010 03:11

As others have said, it was a mistake and not need to tell them about it now. I'm a veggie and would rather not know.

But it's no wonder that people find it so tedious to cater for us if they have to deal with someone like your BIL who won't even eat a baked potato FGS!

However, like other posters have said, I get a bit fed up with the deliberate "Ha ha I fed a veggie with meat and they didn't know it" lark (i.e. NOT the case in OP's case).

I had a friend who fed another friend's veggie child with a very cheap "pork" sausage and theought it was hilarious. Oh yes, what a treat for them to be fed a pink tube of fat, gristle and pigskin!

Rollmops · 17/02/2010 08:56

Huh..... not BU the slightest.
The everlasting argument about dinner parties hosted by veggies comes to mind, would they cater for carnivores? Of course not...
On occasions I've taken immense pleasure in ordering half dozen oysters, followed by Steak Tartare and Black and Blue Fillet.... just to shut them up, nothing can ruin a good dinner like preachy self righteous veggies or God forbid, fruitarans....aarrgghh....

AmesBS7 · 17/02/2010 09:00

So, the next question is - where would you draw the line and ask that one guest to bring their own???
I am happy to do veggie and 'allergy' (eg no eggs, gluten-free etc), but would probably draw the line at vegan/fruitarian, unless they are the only guest(s) and we're making a special effort.

Blackduck · 17/02/2010 09:01

But Rollmops I am a veggie and I almost always cook meat/fish when I have friends round so again I think you are tarring all vegetarians with the same brush.

onlyjoinedforoffers · 17/02/2010 09:06

runnybottom if i am the drama queen you are referring to i couldnt care less if you would believe me or not i dont think i would vomit instantly a week later but i did eat a piece of chicken a couple of years ago that someone had for a laugh put in my roll and i was sick there and then the minute the food touched my stomach pity you hadnt been in the vicinity

Rollmops · 17/02/2010 09:25

Blackduck, you are right, I do not know many veggies, however, the ones I am acquainted with are the most preachy types imaginable, they faint and vomit, simultaneously, when hear a word, such as bacon, mentioned within five miles.
We do not invite them over, of course, and would never accept their invite which is most certainly coming, right after the hell freezes over.
My respect to tolerant and accommodating veggies everywhere and please accept my sincere apologies.

Blackduck · 17/02/2010 09:28

Rollmops you can come to mine anytime - I o a mean chicken dish out of Ottolenghi and my stifado went down a treat the other day

I hear the word bacon and salivate (still....after 20 odd years...)

Rollmops · 17/02/2010 09:35

rumble... rumble.... sounds delish
our butcher does the worlds best bacon. It's heavenly.
(checks the time, and wonders if the butchers are open....)

nickytwotimes · 17/02/2010 09:36

I am veggie and would rather not know, after the fact. It didn't occur to you at the time - a genuine mistake.

Tbh, he deserves it for being so bloody fussy. Ffs, what is he? 3 years old?

As for catering for carnivores in this house - um, no, I am not cooking meat in my oven as it STINKS and makes a bloody mess. If you want meat, you can eat it at home. I do not expect my vegan friend to make me dairy stuff.

I am not at all preachy about what I choose to eat, largely because I know I am a hypocrite as I eat dairy and eggs and the dairy industry is far from cruelty-free.

I am always happy to provide my own food when I visit someone if they want, so they do not have to go to the hassle of making 2 seperate dishes.

My one vegan friend always brings her own stuff here.

lockets · 17/02/2010 09:40

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ElephantsAndMiasmas · 17/02/2010 09:49

I'm a veggie and wouldn't cook meat at my house (wouldn't know how to for a start so would need a health warning), but when meaties come round I tend to cook something not made entirely of lettuce meatie-friendly, i.e. veg chilli with all the trimmings, ale and mushroom pie. Lots of times after eating when i mention the ingredients they say "what, there was no meat in it?". Been veggie all my adult life so not sure why they are so surprised, but no-one ever minds. As long as what you cook is delicious and satisfying, why would a meatie be upset?

solo · 17/02/2010 12:56

Elephants, what is in ale and mushroom pie?(genuine q?)because if I make beef and ale pie, it has beef in it and the ale cooks in but isn't apparent in the eating of the pie...so essentially, I'm eating beef pie. Is a mushroom and ale pie really just a mushroom pie?(I love mushrooms, but have never considered making a mushroom pie.

LetThereBeRock · 17/02/2010 13:04

Why would anyone expect a vegetarian,particuarly one who is a vegetarian for ethical reasons,to serve up meat at a dinner party they're hosting?

I'm sure the majority of people who enjoy meat can last one meal without it and I'm presuming that they have no ethical objections to the consumption of fruit and vegetables.

Personally while I'm not vegetarian I love vegetarian meals and eat them often. I'm having sweet potato,chickpea and spinach dahl with vegetable pakora and naan tonight and looking forward to eating it as much as I would any dish containing meat.

I do have strong objections to being fed one vegetarian product however, and that's Quorn,because it's vile.

solo · 17/02/2010 13:30

Now I used to like Quorn mixed with chicken and served in a lemon sauce

LetThereBeRock · 17/02/2010 13:32

Why?

solo · 17/02/2010 14:44

Dunno! it was served up to me in the early 90's and was very pleasant. I've never had it except when we were dating though and have never really considered buying/cooking/eating it myself.

LetThereBeRock · 17/02/2010 14:50

The idea of mixing Quorn with chicken just seems odd to me,but then so does the idea of consuming Quorn voluntarily.

It sells well though so a lot of deludedpeople must enjoy it.

Maleeka · 17/02/2010 15:08

please tell me fruitarians dont exist and that you are winding me up, cos i've had half a bottle of wine and cant be arsed to read all of this thread!

OP dont worry about it, jeez the bloke sounds like a right pita, surprised he didnt make you cut up his food for him!!!

sarah293 · 17/02/2010 15:18

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Karemm · 17/02/2010 15:29

Had similar situation with veggie in-laws when we were out having Sunday lunch one day. We'd ordered a plate of the restaurant's gorgeous goose-fat chips for DS to munch on and what with all the chatting/taking kids to toilet etc. it only dawned that the MIL/FIL had been enthusiastically polishing them off when they commented on "what delicious chips these are". Myself and DH had a mili-second of silent communication during which we agreed to never speak on it . . .