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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not let on about non-vegetarian meal?

130 replies

TabithaTwitchet · 15/02/2010 18:13

We had SIL and her partner round to Sunday lunch yesterday.

They are vegetarians so I cooked a vegetable and bean tomatoey stew. Planned to serve it with jacket potatoes (our stove is in its dotage and only 2 hob rings actually work, so needed to cook potatoes in the oven so room on hob for vegetables and stew)
DD struggles with jacket potatoes, so was going to remove the insides of hers, mash them with butter and cheese and then stick them back in the skins. So I thought I would ask if anyone else would like their potato done the same way, and it emerged that SIL's partner (aka the world's fussiest man) doesn't like jacket potatoes OR mashed potatoes - even when not put back into their jackets. And he doesn't like couscous either. So was wracking my brains and thought of roast potatoes, which were deemed acceptable, so shoved some goose fat in a baking tray, stuck them in the oven, Bobs your uncle, everyone enjoyed lunch.

Was only this evening, whilst complaining on phone to friend about fussiness of guest, that it suddenly occurred to me that goose fat is not strictly vegeatarian .

Now if they were veggy for religious reasons, or medical ones, I would obviously have to tell them. But it is because they are animal lovers.
AIBU not to tell them? It was a genuine mistake, it seems a bit late to tell them, there is nothing they can do, so I'll just be spoiling their evening (and possibly making them feel slightly sick) for nothing.

OP posts:
WeNeedToLeaveInFiveMinutes · 16/02/2010 09:04

Don't tell them.

No point. Will only upset them.

Don't feel bad either. It was a mistake.

TabithaTwitchet · 16/02/2010 09:14

Well consensus seems to be definitely don't tell them.

And of course if I had thought about it at all I would have used vegetable oil. I didn't think, I was just so releived to have settled on something to cook, and automatically grabbed the jar of fat from the fridge, didn't really pause to consider what it was. Which I agree was very stupid.

And by the way, I don't think religious rituals "trump" moral choices, just had the idea that if someone is forbidden something on religious grounds, they might need to perform some sort of atonement or penance or similar, and so would need to know.

OP posts:
troublewithtalk · 16/02/2010 09:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ProfYaffle · 16/02/2010 09:46

I think your bil was v rude tbh. I was veggie for about 20 years and was always very aware that I was putting people out when they cooked for me. There's no way I would have fussed about jacket/mashed/cous cous.

it was an honest mistake, I wouldn't worry about it.

legspinner · 16/02/2010 09:51

What I was going to say was exactly what Prof Yaffle said...

cumbria81 · 16/02/2010 09:52

It's not going to kill them is it. It's only goose fat. No point telling them now.

SpawnChorus · 16/02/2010 09:55

Don't tell them. There's nothing to be gained by it now.

I have to say (and I could well be being over-sensitive) that I always detect a distinct undertone of snurk to these threads. A sort of "Hee hee I gave my stupid veggie guests meat and they LAPPED it up".

Your BIL sounds like a twat though.

MoChan · 16/02/2010 09:59

I find it a bit odd when people 'mistakenly' use a product so obviously non-vegetarian as goose-fat in something for a vegetarian, to be honest. It's not so hard to use vegetable oil or something.

However, I wouldn't have made him special potatoes, frankly. If he's prepared to eat roast ones, I don't believe that he can't stomach a baked one.

Surprised he didn't notice. I can always tell just by the smell if a potato has been cooked in animal fat.

I wouldn't tell him. If it were me, I think I'd rather not know.

TheSmallClanger · 16/02/2010 10:00

I agree with Spawnchorus. I know it was a mistake, but veggie-bashing is tedious in the extreme. Several meat-eaters I know will claim that veggies all trundle around shoving broccoli in people's faces, but the only examples of this sort of behaviour I've encountered are from meat eaters themselves, and they always think they're hilarious. A bit like a vile woman I work with who took great delight in sneakily giving pork sausage meat to her DS's Jewish girlfriend.
(Rant not really directed at OP, just agreeing with Spawnchorus wholeheartedly).

BalloonSlayer · 16/02/2010 10:11

rofl at "suddenly occurred to me that goose fat is not strictly vegeatarian"

DH is a strict veggie and I would be horrified if I made that mistake. However I can never be arsed to make proper roast potatoes and some of the frozen ones have beef dripping on them so I have to say "Oh DH you can have these but not those" and sometimes I think because it wouldn't kill him if I didn't say anything. But I am nice (adjusts halo).

bintofbohemia · 16/02/2010 10:13

Totally agree, SmallClanger, I don't know any broccoli waving veggies but I do know a lot of meat eaters who have problems with them. It's their own stuff they're responding to, I think.

Rockbird · 16/02/2010 10:22

Just to clarify my earlier rant at Kat, no way am I saying it was no big deal or anything to be proud of, but if it was a genuine mistake then I wouldn't worry him by saying anything. Tis done and you won't do it again, will you

UnquietDad · 16/02/2010 10:26

I think if you are vegetarian you can't afford the right to be a fussy eater AS WELL.

Enjoy this

PeedOffWithNits · 16/02/2010 10:28

LOL at veggie who doesn't like JPs !!

Im an omnivore, but dont really like roast lamb, but would eat it if I was served it at a friedns house, without even commenting. BIL was rude,you made a mistake, keep it to yourself

AppleTreeWick · 16/02/2010 10:30

I can quite see how you forgot given the whole potato based nightmare caused by Mr Fussy. You were focused on potato delivery not checking for vegetarian compliance. Next time give the rude fekker a big bit of bread.

Suet caught me out once...I'd done a steak and kidney pie (for meaties) and a mushroom and something pie (for t'veggies)and oh yes used the same suet pastry top...ho hum. Not my shining hour and tbh not a mistake I'll make again. I felt like a moron.

OP you will be able to take this experience, internalise the lessons and take it with you in your future entertainment plans...do we have a pyrimid/crystal/singingringingtree emoticon cos I think we need one...yogo!

TheSmallClanger · 16/02/2010 10:34

I think offering bread is more than reasonable and a great idea, actually. Not everyone likes all kinds of potatoes and I usually put bread on the table instead of preparing something else for the refusniks. Bread is nice, anyway.
I am a (somewhat) reformed fussy eater.

msrisotto · 16/02/2010 10:38

In this case I don't think the op was smug about serving something non veggie to vegitarians! It's just not something meat eaters really think about in detail!
Love that mitcheLl and web link, very funny!

gagamama · 16/02/2010 11:00

YANBU at all. You offered a fully vegetarian menu, it was rejected, you offered other vegetarian alternatives, they were rejected, so you offered something which is not necessarily always vegeterian, and it was accepted. Easy mistake. I'm sure the goose community will be forgiving.

Ziggurat · 16/02/2010 11:24

YANBU - it's not like you set out to deceive anyone - it was a mistake realised in hinsight.

Having said that, BIL is an eejit and deserves everything he gets.

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/02/2010 11:42

do not tell/confess

there is nothing you can do about it,it was an honest mistake and will only make your friends feel awful (and you better)

my friend is also a veggie and once her boyfriend now hubby (so she forgave him) made her a quorn spag bol with a beef oxo cube lol

coldtits · 16/02/2010 11:49

I can't keep track of what is vegetarian food or not. If catering for vegetarians I check everything.

All the food in my house is edible to me. I recently had to remind myself that vegetarians do not eat ham sandwiches. it's all just food to me.

vegetarians have to remember that omnivores do not have that visceral "Errrr, yuk!" reaction to food groups.

Pozzled · 16/02/2010 11:55

Definitely don't tell them. As a veggie, I would much rather not know after the event. Was a silly mistake, but I think your BIL is a bit of an idiot for refusing jacket potatoes or mash but happily eating roast potatoes- can't really see that there's that much difference?

onlyjoinedforoffers · 16/02/2010 11:56

i would be phyically sick if i knew i had eaten goose fat it would be instantanious so dont tell unless you want vomit all over you

ElephantsAndMiasmas · 16/02/2010 12:03

Easy mistake to make under the circumstances I think OP! I am veggie and would probably feel a bit ugh at having eaten goose fat, but would get over it swiftly! No need to tell them though.

Totally different to meat-eaters mocking/trying to sneak meat into veggie diets. So many people do this, don't know why? My friend's (non-veggie) boyfriend even cooked up some of his beef bolognese and fed it to her when she thought it was her veggie version. It's like some people can't stand that veggies exist. Bit weird really, we're only eating the same food as them, but minus a few elements.

In revenge I do take delight in flashing the "Suitable for Vegetarians" logo on smokey bacon crisps etc. They usually look horrified, and somehow cheated

Blondeshavemorefun · 16/02/2010 12:10

off the subject, but talking about bacon crisps being suitable for veggies, it is true that the walkers cheese+onion arent suitable for veggies?

sure my veggie friend told me that - or am i dreaming